


Fucking Love

by Shameless_Yet_Nameless



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton is a douche at first, It's pretty good, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of emotional distress, Nice Luke, Stuff, fake dating au, idk man just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-01-15 06:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12315822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shameless_Yet_Nameless/pseuds/Shameless_Yet_Nameless
Summary: Ashton needs a fake boyfriend for multiple reasons, so his manager hires Luke for the job. They are great at pretending to be together, but how much malice and hatred can Luke take before Ashton breaks him? Can he even break at all?





	1. Chapter 1

“You think just because you’re wearing clothes that I’d wear, have an obvious clip-on lip ring, and pretend to like the music I like, that I’ll be nice to you and want to be your boyfriend?” Ashton asks with a sneer. His expression was full of malice and hatred as he eyes Luke who sat in the chair across from his.  
  
“I don’t think at all about those things.” Luke replies easily, his tone a lot more gentle and soft than Ashton’s.  
  
“You’re such a fucking wannabe I swear to god.” Ashton hisses, gulping down his water in a matter of seconds. He was already gesturing to the waiter to come and refill his cup and bring a bottle of wine.  
  
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Luke replied easily, hiding a smile as he sipped at his own still very full glass of water. The glass itself was more expensive than his entire house probably.

  
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Ashton mocked rudely, rolling his eyes. “Fucking quit. No one wants you here.” The singer spat angrily, eyes ever glaring.  
  
“I’m not quitting a job I worked hard to get.” Luke answers him patiently.  
  
“Pft, how hard was it to look fuckable in my eyes? You just have to have a dick. I’m sure it was sooooo difficult.” Ashton mocked again, rolling his eyes once more.

 

“I’m assuming you weren’t informed of the application and interview process.” Luke hums, watching as the waiter now came with a pitcher of water, three large bottles of wine, and slightly different looking glasses that had crushed ice cubes shattered inside. They looked fantasy-like.

  
“What does it take to fucking break you?” Ashton muttered, practically dumping the red wine into his glass. He didn’t bother asking Luke if he wanted any. Luke sighed and placed his hands on his lap, remembering how the process was. How the few moments before he had to be Ashton’s boyfriend were.

 

 _“Luke Hemmings?” The man holding the clipboard asked._  
  
_“That’s me sir.” The sheepish blonde responded, trying to scatter his nerves off. The room was white and smallish, the people more so. They all glanced at him critically and seemed to nod to themselves. He felt like he’d just passed some test he wasn’t aware he signed up for._  
  
_“Alright. We’ll have three practice dates for you, yeah? All three dates are completely random people. Consider them rounds. You have to pass two out of three to advance. Pass all three and you’re in our great graces.” The man says, all business._  
  
_“Sounds good sir.” Luke answered, nerves calming down. The sooner he could prove his skills, the sooner he could land this job._

_“Polite. I like that. You can call me Gilroy. Good to meet you Luke Hemmings.” The man says, easing up a little. Luke smiled now, more comfortable. “Vanessa will escort you to the first date. I assume you’ve already read the prep guide, but just do what you can to keep the situation under wraps.” He tells the blonde, gesturing to a curvy brunette who led him elsewhere. Wordlessly, Luke followed Vanessa into one of the seven other doors from where they were._

_“Good luck.” She simply says, opening the door and leaving Luke on his own. The blonde said thank you before stepping inside._

_The first thing he noticed was that this was a restaurant set. A table sat in the middle with a candle. The boy occupying one of the seats had long hair for a guy, but he made it work. It was silky, wavy, and a chocolate brown. His eyes were greenish gray and his smile was ever charming. Light freckles dusted his face and his cupid’s bow lips were a soft kissable pink. He was definitely attractive and Luke found himself grinning. He’d have fun on these practice dates. Piece of cake._

  
_“Hello.” He greeted the handsome stranger, taking the seat across from him. The boy didn’t reply and instead glanced down at his menu, scanning over the options._  
  
_“Um, what looks good?” Luke tried, thinking maybe hot stranger didn’t hear him._

_  
“Not you.” Stranger replied, eyeing Luke distastefully. The blonde blinked in confusion before realizing that these practice dates were going to be harder than he thought. Apparently, this Ashton guy was NOT friendly. At least he’d be attractive?_

“I said, would you like some fucking wine?!?” Ashton asked loudly and in irritation. Like he’d repeated himself and was NOT happy about it, pulling Luke out of his thoughts.  
  
“Oh! Sorry, I must’ve nodded off. My bad. Yes, I’d love some please.” Luke said, appearing a bit frazzled. Ashton looked reluctant, but poured Luke some red wine because he knew Gilroy was probably keeping tabs on him. He had to at least look like he wasn’t completely repelled by Luke.  
  
“What the fuck were you even thinking about?” Ashton asked. He was in no way interested, but Gilroy had taken his phone and there was nothing to do and breaking Luke was going to be a harder task than he initially anticipated.  
  
“You say that word a lot.” Luke comments, raising an eyebrow.

  
“Yeah, so fucking what?” Ashton asks, challenging the younger boy.  
  
“Just saying.” Luke answers with a shrug. He chances a sip of the red wine and hums in pleasure. It felt rich and beautifully cold, washing down his throat. It was the best thing to drink in the unforgiving heat of the Australia sun. Added to the fact that it took away from Luke’s rather sad day, it was perfection.

  
“Is this your first time drinking red wine or some shit?” Ashton asks in a tone that wasn’t curious. It was brooding and vengeful.  
  
“I’ve had it once before.” Luke answers, seeming to be recalling a faraway memory.  
  
“You know I didn’t actually fucking care, right?” Ashton makes sure.  
  
“I’m aware Ashton.” Luke assures, licking his lips to savor the taste of the fine wine.  
  
“Seriously, how are you not pissed or even a little upset yet?” Ashton asks in frustration. He was already on his third glass of wine while Luke drew his first glass out.  
  
“I never said I wasn’t.” Luke answers in a mystified tone. He wished Ashton would stop drinking so much red wine because his lips were getting stained and Luke really wanted to kiss them. The fact that Ashton wouldn’t be able to talk would just be a bonus.  
  
“You don’t look bothered.” Ashton mumbles.  
  
“Didn’t your father ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover?” Luke asks with a crinkle in his eye.  
  
“Fucking fuck you Luke. Go to hell.” Ashton seethes, hands in fists. Luke widened his eyes, not expecting that reaction.  
  
“What? What did I say?!” Luke asks, looking guilty and very confused.  
  
“You fucking had to have done your research you fucking pig! You know I don’t have a father!” Ashton screams, drawing the attention of a few couples nearby.  
  
“Ashton please calm down. I swear I didn’t know that. I would never say anything like in that in spite, I swear.” Luke insists, looking with pleading blue eyes. Ashton seemed to calm down at hearing that, though minimally. Were it not for the fact that Luke managed to change in demeanor, Ashton would’ve continued screaming. Luke sighed in relief. He feared he already ruined the first good thing that happened to him in a long time.  
  
“Why didn’t you just say mother?” Ashton grumbles. The silence was getting to be too much for him.

  
“Pardon?” Luke asked, not having heard him.  
  
“The expressions are usually like ‘didn’t your mother ever tell you.’ Why didn’t you just say mother?” Ashton asks again.

 

“Oh. That’s what you meant. I uh, don’t have a mother, so my instinct is to say father.” Luke answered a bit awkwardly.

 

“What happened to her? Did she take one look at you and decide she just didn’t want you?” Ashton sneered, gulping down the rest of his current wine and refilling his glass.

 

“Actually, yeah, that’s exactly what happened.” Luke answers without wavering at all. The only physical response he gave was letting go of his wine glass to place his hands on his lap. A serene sort of smile was on his slightly red lips. The wine stained them easily.  
  
“You’re mental. Only explanation.” Ashton says, rolling his eyes. “Either that, or you’ve got a fucking insult kink.” The drummer continued.

 

“You contradicted yourself.” Luke grins.  
  
“What?” Ashton asks.  
  
“You said that the only explanation was that I’m mental, but then you gave another possible reason. Boom, lawyered.” Luke giggles, laughing at another seemingly faraway memory.  
  
“You watch How I Met Your Mother?” Ashton asks, ignoring the fact that Luke was technically laughing at him.  
  
“I used to, you?” Luke asks.

  
“Do you even fucking care?” Ashton asks menacingly. Luke opened his mouth only to close it and merely shrug. He sipped at his wine once more and shut his eyes, savoring the flavor. It was like his favorite song on a beautiful day at the perfect moment. He wished to taste it forever if he could.

 

“How does it feel to be in a band? Is it cool?” Luke wonders aloud, giving room for Ashton to answer.  
  
“Oh good. Our food is here finally. Now I don’t have to answer to your stupid fucking questions.” Ashton says, not giving Luke’s question a proper response. He eyed his food and licked his lips, digging in. Luke wondered how he ate so neatly, yet quickly. The blonde glanced at his own pasta he ordered and compared it to the lobster Ashton had ordered. Luke had always wanted to try lobster, but it was apparently really expensive and he wasn’t sure he’d like it, therefore never risked it.  
  
“How is your lobster?” Luke asked with his smile.  
  
“Tastes like fucking lobster.” Ashton replies after chewing his bite. Luke watched him wash it down with what was maybe his seventh glass?  
  
“Is drinking that much wine wise?” Luke asks in as non-judging a tone as he can muster. His last intention was to make Ashton angry…er angrier with him.  
  
“Mind your fucking business. At least I don’t try to drink it sparingly like it’s made of gold like some fucking beggar.” Ashton snaps, pouring himself yet another glass.  
  
“Alright.” Luke simply replies, biting at his pasta. It tasted…perfect. The sauce was creamy, his pasta was flavored, and the wine only completed the experience. When he finished his glass of wine, he poured some water into the empty glass. Ashton noticed and snorted rudely, muttering something else insulting to the blonde who simply let it slide.

  
“You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.” Ashton tells him when they’re halfway through their meal. Luke didn’t answer to that, instead continuing his dinner. Ashton huffed and stabbed a piece of Luke’s pasta, bringing it to his own mouth.  
  
“Shit, that’s good.” Ashton comments, mostly to himself. “I want that instead. You take mine.” The drummer demands, switching their plates. Luke blinked in surprise, staring at the lobster that now sat in his plate. He brought his fork out of his mouth and eyed it wearily. Unsure, of how exactly to eat it, he waited helplessly for some sign.  
  
“What? Hate lobster? Too fucking bad.” Ashton says dryly, devouring Luke’s pasta.  
  
“I don’t hate it.” Luke says, not meeting Ashton’s eyes. He just couldn’t take his eyes off of the lobster. “I’ve just never had it.”  
  
“Who the fuck hasn’t had lobster before.” Ashton asks condescendingly.  
  
“Me.” Luke says with a giggle, still not looking away from the meal. Ashton suddenly groaned and Luke finally looked up expectantly, waiting for another insult.

  
“Great, paparazzi is here.” Ashton says with an uncharacteristic pleasant smile. Luke waited consciously and watched in amazement as Ashton took Luke’s fork from his hand, cut a piece of lobster with it, and held it up to Luke’s face with a beaming smile. “Open your fucking mouth.” He says through the lovely smile. Luke opened his mouth and Ashton gently fed him the stuffed lobster. The blonde chewed it slowly and hummed in bliss it tasted really good.  
  
“Why did you feed me?” Luke asked, confused.  
  
“Smile like you like me idiot. Paparazzi are fucking watching.” Ashton replies, not losing the smile for a second. Luke did as told and looked impressed. He didn’t think Ashton could act like he liked him, but apparently fame can make you do anything.  
  
“You’re a good actor.” Luke tells the drummer honestly.  
  
“I still fucking hate you, so you got that right. This is definitely really just acting.” Ashton agrees.  
  
“I thought maybe the wine had gotten to your brain.” Luke jokes with a cute grin. And then Ashton did the unthinkable. He let out an actual laugh at Luke’s joke.  
  
“You can laugh?” Luke asks with a gasp.  
  
“Shut the fuck up.” Ashton snaps, and wow it was weird to hear those words with a love-struck smile. Luke was feeling all weird and fake and hated feeling that way, but now wasn’t the time for feelings.  
  
“Look. I know I can’t treat you like shit in the long run. Gilroy obviously took the scanning process seriously since he found someone like you. As much as I fucking hate this situation, Gilroy usually has good judgement and I guess if I’m stuck with anyone, it doesn’t completely fucking suck that it’s you. But let’s make one thing clear, we are never going to be actual friends or anything. We are simply co-workers at this point, yeah?” Ashton says.  
  
“That sounds good to me. I don’t want to be your friend anyhow.” Luke agrees easily.  
  
“Watch your fucking mouth.” Ashton warns.  
  
“Oh. I do, don’t worry.” Luke assures with a wide smile. Ashton looked like he wanted to punch the blonde, but couldn’t for obvious reasons.

 

“Let’s go. Gilroy said he’d pick us up from the park. Something about getting the paparazzi to get footage of us walking together at night.” Ashton says in as unwilling a voice as he can muster.

 

“Alright. Thank you for dinner.” Luke says politely. He could cross ‘try lobster’ off of his bucket list now and it was delicious.  
  
“Whatever. Not my decision.” Ashton replies, grabbing Luke’s hand and holding it lovingly as they walked out. Luke was going to get a migraine at this rate. The mixed emotions were a roller coaster of frazzlement.

  
The pair walked outsid into the cool night and Luke immediately had to shield his eyes at all the bright flashes. Practice dates in sets would never be enough to prepare him for the real thing. At least the part about blinding lights in his corneas. The blonde could practically _feel_ his eyes dialating and tears formed from the intensity.  
  
“Oh babe, it’s okay. You’ll get used to it.” Ashton spoke loudly, no doubt for the cameras to hear. Luke tried to blink his eyes open, but it was too painful. One flash went directly in them and he was momentarily blinded.  
  
“I’m sorry Ashton. It just…the lights. It…my eyes.” Luke tried to explain without whining. He wasn’t allowed to whine or have opinions. But it hurt too much to simply ignore.  
  
“Here. Open them. Slowly. And look at me.” Ashton insists softly, brushing Luke’s hands away from his eyes. The blonde did as told and fluttered them open ever so gently only to see Ashton’s figure covering him so the lights wouldn’t reach him.

“Thank you.” Luke spoke softly.  
  
“Yeah yeah. You’re not blind, are you?” Ashton asks, concern washing over his hazel eyes. Luke shook his head with a loving smile.  
  
“Alright, come on. I’ll take care of them.” Ashton winked. “Hey! Can you kindly avoid blinding my boyfriend?! He’s a little fragile this one!” Ashton shouts, trying not to sound too livid. He needed to sound mad, but not _too_ mad.

  
“So it’s true! The rumors that you’re with someone for real? NO set up?!” A reporter questions, pushing a mike into Ashton’s face.  
  
“It’s true. This is my lovely boy right here.” Ashton swoons, pulling Luke into him, but pushing his face into Ashton’s shoulder to avoid more flashes.  
  
“Can we get a word from him?” The reporter asks hopefully, gossip laced all over her lips and face. She watched as Ashton whispered something inaudible into Luke’s ear.  
  
“Can you fucking make a statement or are your stupid eyes too damn weak?” He mutters, making Luke do his best to blink out the pain that mostly subsided now. The blonde pulled away from Ashton’s shoulder and nodded, pecking his cheek for show. A million cameras went off after that, but this time Luke was ready.  
  
“Of course you can get a word. I can never stop talking about Ashton.” Luke giggles cutely, hearing all the people ‘awwwwww’ over it.

  
“Can you tell us how it happened?” The reporter asks eagerly, practically shoving the microphone into Luke’s mouth. The blonde quickly pulled the file in his brain that memorized the story Gilroy told him they’d have.  
  
“Of course. I was simply in a record store listening to a song and Ashton here came up to me and asked what I was listening to. Turns out it was his, Calum’s, and Michael’s band. I had no idea it was him and he said I looked cute when I was nervous because well who wouldn’t be nervous when seeing the drummer of the band that they’ve been addicted to for a solid month? And from there he sort of asked me out and it…just kind of happened.” Luke said with a light, floaty voice. He glanced lovingly at Ashton after his speech just for good measure and watched as Ashton returned it, pulling Luke close and cuddling him to his side.  
  
“I have to say, you two make a cute couple.” The reporter comments.  
  
“Thank you.” They both say in sync, rubbing noses right after and trying not to laugh when the paparazzi coo incessantly.

 

“Well you’ve had your laughs. Now let me take my boyfriend and continue treating him like he deserves.” Ashton chuckles, lacing their hands together and leading him away despite the protests the paparazzi gave. The absolute second they were out of sight, Ashton used his other hand to wipe his cheek vigorously.  
  
“I can’t believe you fucking kissed my cheek.” Ashton grumbles, but doesn’t reprimand him because he knows it’s technically allowed.  
  
“Sorry.” Luke hums, admiring the view outside. He’d rather not talk to Ashton more than necessary.  
  
“Gilroy did a pretty good job. You know how to act and not cry like a baby like the last hired boyfriend did. In fact, they all managed to find a way to screw me over and piss Gilroy off, but he seems to like you. So congrats on not fucking up yet.” Ashton comments as they walk. Luke didn’t reply to that, unsure of what Ashton was capable of exactly.  
  
“Why?” Luke asked after a few minutes despite his better judgement.  
  
“What?” Ashton asks with disinterest.

 

“Why did they quit? What did you say to make them leave?” Luke asked, holding his breath. What could it be?

 

“Honestly, they were a bunch of pussies. I’ve said much worse things to you today than I ever have to anyone else. You don’t break easily I see.” Ashton comments.  
  
‘You can’t break what’s already broken.’ Luke thinks, but he says nothing as they reach the park and see Gilroy along with two other guys waiting there for them.


	2. chapter 2

“There you are Ashton. Good to see you again. You too Luke. Calum and Michael asked to meet with you so I had Ash bring you here.” Gilroy tells the blonde, gesturing to the other two boys, one of who smiled invitingly.  
  
“Oh, okay. I guess that’s good since they’re Ashton’s best friends and bandmates.” Luke says softly, not wanting to say the wrong thing. He heard Ashton mutter something about stating the obvious and tuned it out.

“Do you want me to stay with you guys or are you good to be on your own?” Gilroy asks, meeting Luke’s gaze. He knew how horrible Ashton could be and Luke’s heart swelled with appreciation that his boss cared about his comfort zone. That wasn’t normal in the job world.  
  
“I’ll be fine. Thanks Mr. Gilroy.” He says kindly, smiling. Gilroy smiled back and shook his head.  
  
“Anytime Luke. And again, you don’t have to say Mr. or sir. I’m technically not your actual boss, remember?” Gilroy says, winking. Luke nodded and watched as Gilroy walked off to where his car was.

“Cute little thing he is.” Michael says bluntly, checking Luke out. Calum smacks him and says it’s rude to refer to him in third person and as an object no less.  
  
“Hi Luke. I’m Calum.” The tanner of the two says politely. Luke softly says a hi back and goes for a handshake, but is surprised when Calum pulls him in for a hug.

  
“And I’m Michael, but that was probably obvious.” The pale boy who said he was cute spoke. Luke figured he was quite direct. Michael didn’t make any move to physically greet Luke, and the blonde felt the tension. Clearly Michael was doing so to appease Ashton. He could tell by the way Ashton dragged Michael off and began immediately ranting about Luke. Every so often, he’d shoot Luke a nasty look before continuing and watching Michael nod seriously.  
  
“Hey, don’t pay them any mind. They’re basically assholes most of the time.” Calum chuckles easy, seeming to sound a bit fond.  
  
“I’m not.” Luke answers, cursing himself for sounding defensive. Calum clearly noted this and nodded sadly.  
  
“Alright. But if you very need to talk, Gilroy isn’t the only one on your side, okay?” Calum insists, placing a comforting hand on Luke’s shoulder. The blonde blinked up at Calum’s earnest brown eyes and nodded gratefully.  
  
“How was the dinner?” Calum asked in a tone that indicated he knew to some extent how terrible it must have been. His question was more along the lines of ‘so _how_ horrible was it?’  
  
“Ashton isn’t that bad.” Luke shrugged, unsure what kind of answer he should provide.  
  
“I know this is hard to believe, but you can trust me. Whatever you say is between you and me, I swear. Anytime you want to complain about Ashton, I’m here. I may be his bandmate, but that doesn’t mean I accept him treating people like less.” Calum says honestly, brown eyes boring into Luke’s blue ones.  
  
“Why?” Luke blurted.  
  
“Why can you trust me?” Calum asked. Luke shook his head.  
  
“No, not that. Why would you go against Ashton? I mean, I may hate the things my best friend does sometimes, but I would never go against him.” Luke says softly. He wasn’t judging Calum by any means, but he had to wonder why Calum was so willing to be nice to him.  
  
“I’m not going against Ash. I’m just not telling him everything you say. I’d say that’s being with him more than anything considering he hates you and all.” Calum answers easily, grinning. Luke grins back, understanding what Calum was trying to say.  
  
“With a mind like that, I’m surprised you’re not a lawyer.” Luke jokes, liking Calum.  
  
“It was my backup in case the band thing didn’t work out.” Calum winks, chuckling when Luke seemed interested in that bit of information.

“Well thanks for the offer Calum. And I do appreciate it, but backbiting about Ashton isn’t going to make me feel any better just like it isn’t going to make him treat me any better. I would just like talking to you in general though.” Luke finally says in response to the question.  
  
“Well I’m your guy.” Calum says simply. “So what about you? I’m sure being a hired boyfriend wasn’t your first choice of occupation.” Calum snorts. “Especially not Ash’s.”

 

“No, it was acting, but surprisingly, no one wants to hire a guy with my background.” Luke answers with a sigh.  
  
“Um, no offense, but you’re blonde, blue-eyed, white, and attractive. Aren’t you kind of exactly what the acting industry is looking for?” Calum asks in an obvious tone. Luke giggled at those words because-

 

“God help the day someone takes being called attractive as an insult, but I see where you’re coming from. I meant family background. My mom was an alcoholic, druggie, and who knows what else. She disowned me the minute I was born. My father had left my mother the second he found out she was pregnant, but when I made it on the news as the cursed problem child with no parents to show up for my birth, my dad came back to the hospital and begged for forgiveness. To be fair, I was like an hour old so I couldn’t really be mad. If anything, I’m glad he was honest with me later about it. I guess he figured I’d see it on the news eventually.” Luke answered, smiling sadly. Calum looked appalled. There was clearly a hell of a lot more to that story and he was surprised Luke had a short version.

  
“Jesus Christ. Luke, I…wow.” Calum breathed out, pulling Luke in for another hug. “I’ve known you less than an hour and you’re already the strongest person I know.” He says into Luke’s hair.  
  
“Um, thanks.” Luke says, eyes going a little watery.

  
“I have a million questions.” Calum admits.  
  
“I can answer whatever you want.” Luke tells him. It was true. Calum had gained his trust in a flash. He knew the boy wouldn’t judge him.  
  
“Um, wow okay. So how did-

 

“Whoa, how’d you do it Cal? I spent hours with the loser and couldn’t get him to flinch. You’ve been with him for five minutes and he’s already about to cry.” Ashton snorts, walking over to them. Calum was about to tell Ashton to back off because now was NOT the time, but Luke reached for his shoulder and shook his head. Ashton was tied to his job/work. He liked Calum, but he couldn’t let their friendship interfere with the only job he kind of likes. Plus, there wasn’t a chance in hell that Luke would give Ashton that satisfaction of affecting him in any way.

 

“So you _can_ break.” Ashton muses as Michael walks over to them as well.  
  
“Can’t everyone?” Luke asks rhetorically.

“I will break you Luke. I promise you that. You’re only a little different than the others. But I will fucking shatter you into quitting and leaving my life forever.” Ashton spits.

“Good luck with that.” Luke answers dryly. Ashton is almost red with fury, but Calum pulls him away to talk sense into him. That left Luke alone with Michael. The blonde wasn’t sure what to expect from him. Michael was kind of intimidating. He had piercings almost everywhere and his hair was dyed a fury-infused red.

 

Luke waited the longest time for him to say something, but he never did. Somehow, the silence hit him more than Ashton’s harsh words. It was like Michael didn’t deem Luke worthy to even talk to.  
  
Instead, he eyed Luke critically and shook his head like he was disappointed.  
  
“What?” Luke asked cautiously. He couldn’t give away that he got under his skin. That was just what Michael wanted.  
  
“Did I say something?” Michael asked, eyes challenging Luke to say something more. Luke kept his mouth shut after that and did his best to ignore Michael’s stares, but it was getting hard. The redhead wasn’t letting up in the slightest. This was going to be a long job.  
  
-

 

“Whoa.” Luke breathed when they reached the place the band was staying at. It was a cross between an apartment from a dream and a mansion.  
  
“Pretty sick, huh?” Calum asks, nudging Luke’s shoulder. The four guys sat in the limo and while Luke was instinctively going to sit next to Ashton, Calum insisted he sit with him instead. No one protested to that proposition.  
  
“Coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” Luke admits, eyes wide in wonder as he scanned the estate.  
  
“That’s not surprising considering you grew up in a dump most likely.” Ashton muttered, Michael laughing rudely at the comment. Calum wanted to say something, but one look from Luke made him sigh instead. Luke shook his head as if to say he got this.  
  
“You’re not wrong.” He told Ashton with a mindless hum. The shocked look from Michael at his words was well worth it and Luke smirked in satisfaction.  
  
“Bitch. Don’t smirk at me or you won’t have a mouth.” Michael threatens. Luke didn’t voice anything more, not wanting physical trouble, but the satisfied feeling only grew internally. His father didn’t raise him to be no bitch and he was damned if he was going to let Michael get to him.

 

“Forgive them. Michel will come around, I promise. His loyalty to his friends is a little intense, so the only reason he’s being bitter is because of Ashton. Don’t let what they say get to you, yeah?” Calum whispers as the limo gets parked. Luke only nodded, remembering something his father said that was similar in his childhood.

 

_“Hey look, it’s the problem kid.” A bully laughed in Luke’s direction. The blonde frowned, confused. He’d heard snippets of similar comments directed at him, but he chucked it as unimportant because his father said to do as such._

  
_“Wait…you’re the problem child?” His best friend Zayn asked, stopping them from walking to class._  
  
_“What? No. I don’t even know what that means.” Luke insists. Zayn however, backs up and looks at Luke in a new light._  
  
_“Do you have a mom?” Zayn asked as though this were crucial information. Luke felt something gross and bitter inside him and felt his brain mentally grow a few ages as it always did when mentions of his mother came. He may have appeared thirteen, but at the moment, he was an adult._  
  
_“No.” He answered Zayn plainly, unsure of what was to come._  
  
_“Jesus Luke. We can’t be friends. Do you know what my parents would say if they knew I was friends with the cursed problem child?” Zayn asks in horror, rushing off to meet with other kids. Kids that weren’t a **Problem**._

_Luke had heard people say problem kid to him more times than he could count, but this was the only time it hurt him. Zayn was his best friend, but in an instant, he wasn’t. making a friend was the best feeling ever, but losing one was an indescribable feeling of horror._

_“Luke?” a voice asks. The blonde looked up somberly. It was Harry. The boy everyone knew because he took time to talk to everyone. Luke recognized him by his signature innocent face and curly hair. His green eyes seemed sorry for Luke._  
  
_“What?” Luke asked, bitterness at an all-time high. His blue eyes pierced into Harry’s nonthreatening green ones defensively and offensively all at once._

_“You’ll be late to class. Why aren’t you walking with Zayn?” Harry asked, not noticing the bitterness that was Luke’s persona. And with that statement alone, Luke’s bitterness faded and was replaced with sadness. He felt alone in the world without his only friend. His **best** friend. Who **left**.  
  
“We aren’t friends.” Luke answered quietly. Harry furrowed his eyebrows.  
  
“I thought you were the bestest of friends.” The curly haired boy comments.  
  
“Well he changed his mind I guess. Haven’t you heard Harry? I’m the problem kid.” Luke sniffles, trying not to get worked up, but failing.  
  
“Problem kid? Why?” Harry asks, confused.  
  
“Harry, just go.” Luke all but begged, eyes watery and body trembling from betrayal_. _But Harry didn’t leave, he wiped a tear from Luke’s face and then held it in his hands caringly._  
  
_“No. I won’t go. I’ll be your friend Luke. I’ll be the bestest friend ever. I promise.” Harry decides, looking directly into Luke’s baby blues._  
  
_“Right. That worked out so well the first time someone promised.” Luke whispers, more unshed tears coming._  
  
_“Lukey, you’re not a problem kid. You’re a special kid. And I want to be your friend. Zayn is going to realize what a butt face he is for leaving someone like you.” Harry promises, pressing a kiss to Luke’s forehead. The blonde sniffled once more and shrugged, unsure of what to believe._  
  
_“Oy Haz. Why are you talking to the problem child?” Nick’s voice called across the hall. Luke tensed and prepared himself for Harry’s leaving. He knew people like him weren’t meant to have friends. The boys began laughing in harmony and Luke felt something break inside him when Harry joined in on the laughter. The blonde tried to run away, but felt nothing except pure fear run through him when Harry gripped his arm, preventing him from leaving._  
  
_“C’mon Haz. Let’s go before you get infected with problems.” Stan called, trying to stop laughing._

  
 _“I’m not going anywhere with you lot.” Harry says with anger. Luke was surprised. But he was laughing too…_  
  
_“I don’t understand. You were laughing with us.” Stan points out, voicing Luke’s thoughts._  
  
_“Bloody hell I was. I was laughing at the fact that you think you can talk to us like that and have it affect us. We don’t care what you think, but it’s bloody hilarious that you think we do.” Harry fires back, filling Luke’s heart with warmth and hope._  
  
_“Wow. Didn’t know you were a problem child too.” Nick spits, rolling his eyes and leading their group away from Luke and Harry._

_“Luke? You alright mate?” Harry asks, noticing how Luke actually was affected by their words._  
  
“Harry please. I’m not meant to have friends. Just go now rather than later when it’ll hurt more.” Luke said somberly.  
  
“Why do you think you’re a problem child Lukey?” Harry asked instead of responding to Luke’s request, frowning.  
  
“I-I…I don’t know. I’m too afraid to ask Father, but I think it’s because I don’t have a mother.” Luke admits out loud for the first time. He knew he was the talk of the town because of such, but he never contributed to what the townsfolk would say about him and telling his Father didn’t seem like it would solve anything.  
  
_“Well it doesn’t matter.” Harry decides. “You have your father. Some people aren’t lucky enough to have that. I don’t have one and I don’t think you’re a problem Luke. You just need some extra loving.” He continues, ruffling Luke’s hair with all the love._

  
 _“No one’s ever been on my side other than my father.” Luke breathes, looking at Harry like he was some kind of angel._  
  
_“Everyone but your father is stupid.” Harry declares, locking his hands with Luke’s and leading him down the hall to the classroom._

_…_

_“I got a call from the Style’s family.” Andrew Hemmings says as he and Luke sat to dinner. Just the two of them as always._  
  
“Harry’s parents?” Luke asks, feeling nervous for some reason.  
  
“Yes. They told me that Harry told them what the kids have been saying. You didn’t mention anything Lewi, why?” Mr. Hemmings asked with a pained expression.  
  
_“I didn’t know what to do about it.” Luke admits sadly._  
  
_“Luke, if anyone ever gives you a hard time, you just laugh, ignore, or pretend you didn’t hear it. When they see they can’t hurt you, they’ll be angry and their anger will be the end of them, okay? I know that’s hard to understand, but trust me. When they see how strong you are, they will destroy themselves trying to break you. But no son of mine is going to break, right Lewi?” His father says, rubbing Luke’s back comfortingly. Luke blinked and remembered back to how Harry laughed at Nick and Stan and how they got frustrated and left. He let his father’s words sink in._  
  
_“Of course Papa. I won’t let them bother me anymore.” Luke promises._

_“Good. Because the minute you let it, you let your head go places it shouldn’t. And I want my son happy. You deserve nothing but happiness. Remember that.” Mr. Hemmings spoke, placing food in Luke’s plate and setting it in front of him. The blonde looked up at his dad and nodded obediently._

_“Papa?” Luke asked carefully, biting his lip. His father hummed in response._  
  
_“Why do people call me the problem child?” The blonde asks with shut eyes. He placed his fork down on his plate and awaited the answer._  
  
_“Lewi, it doesn’t matter.” His father tried dissuading._  
  
_“But it does Papa. It **does**. Please be honest. I need to know. Does it have to do with the fact that I don’t have a mom?” Luke asked, needing to know._  
  
_“Lewi…” His dad trailed off in a broken tone._  
  
_“Papa, I’m thirteen. I need you to be honest with me. I’ve never asked you before, but I need to know this. I need you to answer me.” Luke says more sternly, pleading to his father with his eyes. His father appeared hesitant, but nodded slowly and sighed._  
  
_“Okay. But you have to understand that none of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything, okay? Promise me you won’t blame yourself.” His father starts._  
  
_“Okay. I promise.” Luke says with watery eyes. His father sighed again and rubbed his forehead._

_  
“When your mother was having you, she was doing some bad things. Drinking and such. I was an idiot for even thinking she could handle having a child. When you were born, she saw you and I guess it just hit her that she wasn’t fit to take care of a child so she up and left. But that’s on **her**. She was the problem Lewi, not you.” His father insists, dinner long forgotten at the moment._

_“But people say that…I didn’t have any parents.” Luke muses aloud, starting to turn gears in his head. “Papa I need you to be 100% honest with me right now. Am I adopted?” Luke asked, and the silence that ensued was quite painful._  
  
“Of course not Luke. I am definitely your real father.” Andrew Hemmings says sadly. “I promise.” He adds. Luke accepts the answer, but it doesn’t relieve his confusion.  
  
“ _But…there is something you should know. I was waiting to tell you until you were old enough to understand and I think it’s only fair that you know since you know about your mother.” His father speaks up. Luke looked up expectantly._  
  
_“What is it?” Luke asks._  


_  
“Lewi you have to know that I love you okay? Don’t forget that.” Andrew says softly._

  
_“I-I know Papa. You’re scaring me.” Luke admits._  
  
_“I just needed you to hear that before I tell you this. No one is perfect, definitely not your old man, but I try. Your mother isn’t the only one who’s wrong here. See, when I found out she was pregnant…I…” He stopped himself, seeming unable to continue. Luke waited patiently, scared to know what was coming._

_“She never told me she was pregnant, so when I found the test in the waste bin…I left. I left her, the house…and I left you.” His father admits with shame. He couldn’t even look at Luke right now. The blonde boy felt his eyes prickle with tears. But he didn’t let them fall. He needed to know so much still._

  
_“Why?” He asked brokenly._  
  
_“I was an idiot Luke. I wasn’t in love with your mother anymore so I figured it wasn’t my problem. But I swear to you Lewi, the moment I found out she left you, I raced to that hospital like nobody’s business and I fought to take you with me and you bet your britches I won. I took you in my arms and decided if you weren’t going to have a mother, you’d have one hell of a father.” His dad finishes, deeply emotional toward the end. Luke didn’t speak. He couldn’t. He didn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t that._

_“I…I need time to think.” The boy finally says, void of emotion._  
  
_“Lewi, your dinner.” His father starts, but Luke shakes his head._  
  
_“I’m not hungry.” He insists, getting out of his chair and moving toward his room._  
  
_“Le-_

_“Please. I need to think. I need to be alone. I won’t leave the house, but leave me be. Please.” Luke begged. His father moved to say something, but clamped his mouth shut when seeing how serious Luke seemed._

_…_

_It was three in the morning when Luke emerged from his room only to find his father lying awake on the couch._  
  
_“Lewi. Thank god. I’m so so sorry for ever leaving but I swear to you I’m never leaving again. Not if I can help it.” His father rambles._  
  
_“I’m not mad.” Luke tells him._

  
 _“Y-you’re not?” His father asks, not expecting acceptance so easily._  
  
_“You came back. That’s all that matters to me.” Luke tells him, burying his face in his father’s chest._

“Alright blondie, enough ogling. You coming inside or what?” Calum asks with a laugh. Luke breaks out of the past and nods eagerly.

  
“Definitely coming.” He replies, racing inside the huge house behind the other three guys.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Did you get the text from Gilroy about the picnic?” Luke asked Ashton across the couch. The curly haired drummer was sitting next to Michael as they channel surfed despite Calum’s protests.

 

“No. My manager _didn’t_ send me a text that involves me but he did text some blonde wannabe who no one knows or cares to know.” Ashton says dryly, rolling his hazel eyes rudely. Luke smiled at that response and nodded. Calum looked like he wanted to intervene, but he respected Luke and therefore honored his request to stay out of it.  
  
“I was thinking we could do it tomorrow. We can get the groceries now and make the food when we get home. That way all we have to do tomorrow is go on it. Plus, cooking at night is much more enjoyable.” Luke says.

  
“What the fuck is with all this ‘we’ business? Do it yourself. I’m not your little bitch. You want to do that shit? Do it yourself.” Ashton says heartlessly, leaning more into Michael’s side who patted him comfortingly as though _he_ was the one who needed it.

 

“Oh. I…I would, I just…I haven’t any money.” Luke says softly, voice faltering for the first time after Ashton’s words. “Gilroy hasn’t paid me yet because it’s only my first week.” The blonde explains.   
  
“Great. So now you’re admitting that you only need me for money? You’re a selfish prick and it isn’t any wonder you haven’t any money or friends.” Ashton taunts carelessly. Luke went to smile, but his lips weren’t having it. He could feel his brain going places he willed it not to.

 

_“Luke, are you going to get a job?” Mrs. Hess asked snippily, shaking her head in shame._

 

_  
“I-I’ve tried Mrs. Hess. Honest. But no one will hire me because…” Luke trailed off. _

__  
  
“Because you are a cursed child with no friends?” Jason taunted with a snicker. 

__  
  
“Jason! That’s enough out of you! Back to bed this instant!” She scolded. 

__  
  
“Why? It’s true.” Jason complains. 

__  
  
“That doesn’t make it okay!” Sally piped up, crossing her arms. 

__  
  
“All of you go to bed!” Mrs. Hess repeated, voice shrill and not pleased. Luke sniffled and nodded, running up the steps to his room he shared with two others. 

__  
  
“Oi Luke! Get the fuck out of your trance and hurry up before I don’t give you money to shop and tell Gilroy you fucked up the only job you’ve probably ever had in the span of days!” Ashton shouts, throwing the money at Luke condescendingly. The blonde blinked and stood up shakily.

 

  
“Um, where’s your bathroom?” He asked, praying his voice didn’t waver. No such luck.

  
  
“Aw what’s wrong? Is fake strong blonde baby going to go cry in private?” Ashton mocks, using a whiny tone. Luke was freaking out internally but tried his hardest not to let it show.

  
  
“Please. Girls have insulted me better than your pitiful attempts. My having to piss has no correlation with your ‘harsh’ words.” Luke replied, but his voice cracked at the end, causing Ashton to raise a skeptical eyebrow and look pissed just the same.

  
  
“There’s one down that hallway, make a left, and third door on your right.” Calum supplies, feeling sorry for the poor boy. Luke nodded gratefully and stumbled up, rushing to said room. Once inside, Luke shut the bathroom door and slumped down on the marble floor, wrapping his arms around himself and letting everything loose. Tears fell freely down his pale white cheeks and his body wracked with sobs from memories of his past.

 

Minutes later, Luke collected himself, sprayed warm then cool water over his face, and made himself look normal and presentable. He tiptoed out of the bathroom and tried to eavesdrop on the other three boy’s conversation when his name was mentioned.

 

“Luke. Even his name is fucking annoying.” Michael scoffs.

  
  
“You guys are nothing but assholes. Cut him some slack. He probably didn’t want this job any more than you want him to have it.” Calum says sternly.

 

“Not my fucking problem. He shouldn’t have taken it then.” Ashton replies.

 

“Ok that’s it. You two name three good things about Luke right now or certain pictures will become public!” Calum threatens, and Luke hears the other two gulp before groaning.

 

“Okay fine. Calm down. He’s hot. He’s kinda badass when he takes the shit I give him. And…um…damn his legs are fucking ridiculous.” Ashton lists off, sounding a bit sexually frustrated. Luke felt his face flush. Ashton having those thoughts made him feel less guilty about thinking the drummer was hot with his sexy curly hair and bulging biceps. Their mutual hatred didn’t do much to negate the pure attraction that was there.

  
  
“I don’t even know him so this isn’t fair.” Michael grumbles.

  
  
“Try. Name one.” Calum pushes, sounding determined.

  
  
“Fine. I don’t know Cal. I’d fuck him I guess. He’s pretty hot like Ash said.” Michael caves, again making Luke blush. The comment was so crass and Michael didn’t seem to care. Luke waited until the silence lasted for a minute before making his presence known. He awkwardly walked in with his toes pointed inward and hands fiddling about.

  
  
“Aww look at you. You’re the most adorable thing ever. I just wanna pinch your little cheeks!” Calum laughs. Luke widened his eyes but smiled small. He saw Calum coming closer to him and laughed a little in amusement when the tan lad actually did pinch his cheeks.

  
  
“Look, I’ve had enough of this…whatever it is. Get your ass to the store and do the picnic shit already, got it?” Ashton grumbles, rubbing his eyes like he’s tired. He throws his credit card to where it just barely misses Luke’s face and walks toward presumably his room.

 

“I’ll come with you.” Calum says, going to grab a pair of shoes.

  
“Cal, you really don’t have to do that.” Luke insists, stopping the older boy from putting his shoes on.

  
  
“Well you can’t go alone. Gilroy won’t allow at least one of us to be with you. You have to rack up publicity points.” Calum points out.

 

“Well then I’ll ask Ashton. That’s probably what Gilroy wants anyway. Don’t trouble yourself for me, please.” Luke pleads, not wanting to be a bother. Sure, Ashton would appear more troubled, but it was _his_ job, not Calum’s.

 

“I really don’t mind coming Luke. It’ll be good to-

 

but just then, Calum’s phone rang, breaking him out of his sentence. Frowning, he swiped to answer and gestured to Luke that he’d be right back.

  
“So, you ever fucked anyone or you a sad little virgin?” Michael asks the second Calum is gone. Luke jumped a bit, forgetting that he was here. The blonde assumed he was alone for the time being, but remembered only Ashton had left the room.

  
“Um, what?” Luke asks.

  
  
“You a virgin or have you done it before?” Michael asks dryly once more. Luke rose an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

  
“What kind of question is that?” Luke asks, offended.

  
  
“Well there’s the answer. You’re just a sorry little virgin and that’s probably all you’ll ever be. You carry the loser vibe everywhere you go.” Michael says with a roll of his eyes. Luke didn’t bother replying. Instead, he laced up his pretty beaten up sneakers and shoved a plaid shirt Calum had lent him over his tank top. Right when he neared the front door, Calum walked back in and saw Luke by the door.

  
  
“I’m so sorry Luke. I really wanted to come with you, but I need to go in the recording studio for an errand.” Calum apologizes.

  
  
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll only be half an hour or so anyhow.” Luke insists.

 

“I’ll go with him.” Michael decides, getting up off the couch. 

  
“Oh, uh that’s really not necessary. I can go myself really.” Luke says immediately. 

  
“Yeah I don’t think so twink. Gilroy would have our asses if we let you out on your own. Don’t worry Cal, I won’t kill him.” Michael winks at the tanner of the two. Calum glances wearily at Michael and Luke as he puts his leather jacket on and sighs.

 

  
“Only because it’s better than Ash taking him.” Calum seems to mutter to himself, but he didn’t seem so sure of that.

 

  
“Alright, let’s go then I guess.” Luke says uncertainly, heading out.

 

-

 

“Excuse me mister tall man. Can you grab the cookie crisps for me please? They’re too high up on the mean shelves.” A tiny voice asks, tugging on Luke’s leg. The blonde looked down to see a small little girl with chocolate brown hair and robin’s egg blue eyes in a frilly baby blue princess outfit. She was pointing at the cereal she mentioned before as though Luke needed visual confirmation. Luke glanced around and saw Michael was nowhere to be seen and nodded.

 

“Sure cutie. These your favorite?” Luke asks, getting the box of sugary cereal and handing it to her waiting hands.

  
“Yup!” She exclaims, popping the p.

  
“Hey, are you done getting your stu-oh hey.” Michael says, cutting himself off as he saw the little girl looking bubbly and adorable.

  
  
“Hello mister blue man.” The girl pipes up, pointing at Michael’s bold blue hair. The punk rocker chuckled and crossed his arms. 

  
“You like the color blue?” He asks in amusement. Luke watched in awe because he’d never seen Michael act so kind, but he assumed it was because he couldn’t have bad publicity going around about him.

 

“Mmhm, it’s my favorite because of Cinderella.” She explains, spinning her dress for show. Michael seemed to think she was adorable and Luke figured they were good here so he started walking toward the register.

  
  
“Hey wait up Luke.” Michael calls as soon as Luke’s out of the aisle. Luke seemed confused because Michael was acting decent even though the little girl was gone.

  
“Lose the confused look Luke. I can’t exactly be a bitch to you in public.” Michael says with an eyebrow risen. Luke felt a bit dumb for not figuring that out sooner. It made perfect sense.

  
  
“Right. Well I’m going to check these out.” The blonde informs Michael carefully, rolling the cart up to a register.

 

-

 

Calum almost got whiplash when seeing how fast Ashton stormed out of his room when hearing the front door shut.

  
  
“Going somewhere?” Ashton asks Calum, noting his jacket and shoes.

 

“One of the guys down in sound check asked for something. I shouldn’t be long.” Calum says evenly.

  
  
“This is an eternal nightmare Cal. I don’t like this situation.” Ashton says, traces of vulnerability showing.

 

“Oh fuck no. You don’t get to be the victim here Ashton. You’ve been nothing but rude to sweet adorable Luke. He just stands there and takes it so no way are you allowed to feel sad.” Calum threatens, pointing a finger at his bandmate. Ashton looked like he was going to scream, but seeming to take a page out of Luke’s book, he smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile so much as it was a creepy and broken one.  
  
“He stands there and takes it because it’s his job Calum. Not because he’s a nice person. Don’t let that fool you. And don’t ever tell me I’m not allowed to feel sad. I’m entitled to feelings just as much as that fake blonde. And I’m not talking about his hair when I say that, so sod off.” Ashton says calmly, sitting himself down on the couch.

  
“Luke is the least fake person I know.” Calum says confidently despite only knowing him for barely a day.

 

“Yeah okay Cal. Don’t you have to leave?” Ashton says dismissively. Clearly his bandmate was not in the mood to hear his side so Ashton would rather just have him leave.

  
  
“I hope you open your eyes sooner or later.” Calum simply says before he takes his leave.

  
“I’m not saying I’m an angel. All I’m saying is that he isn’t one either.” Ashton mutters, but he was alone now so the words bounced off of the walls and eventually disappeared in the mix of emptiness in the air.

  
Ashton sighed, contemplating his life at the moment. Maybe if he hadn’t…no. Gilroy would’ve assigned him another fake boyfriend sooner or later. There was no preventing that.  
  
-

 

“What is all this crap for? Heavy cream? Pepper jack cheese? Shrimp and chicken? What kind of meal can you make with this junk? And what’s with all the vegetables?” Michael asks more in curiosity than spite.

 

“Shrimp alfredo and chicken salad sandwiches.” Luke says slowly, mind drifting to the past.

 

_We’re going on a picnic tomorrow Luke! It’ll be fun! We’re all making our favorites. Liam and Nick will be there and of course Lou. And Niall. I know you don’t know him that well but he made some weird joke about dying his hair blonde so you guys could bond over that. He’s excited to meet you.” Harry exclaims, jumping onto Luke’s back. The blonde noticed Louis’s eyes lose some sparkle at the small affection, but he wouldn’t dare admit his feelings to Harry._

_“I’m good. You guys go. Have fun.” Luke replies after grabbing onto Harry’s legs in attempts for him not to fall off and hurt himself._

_  
“But Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuke. You haaaaave to come.” Harry whined, grabbing the blonde’s ears and warningly tugging on them._

__  
  
“Harry no. Not the ear pully.” Luke begged with a groan. 

__  
  
“Say you’ll come or I’ll pull!” Harry threatens. 

__  
  
“I don't like picnics.” Luke protests. 

__  
  
“You like me and so by association you like picnics! It’s science!” Harry insists.

 

_  
“I couldn’t contribute Harry. I don’t cook. I don’t know how. Neither does Father.” Luke says, begging Harry will let it go._

_“I’ll help you out! Louis too, right Lou?” Harry says easily, glancing at his other best friend who gave a thumbs up._

_“Harry I don’t know. I mean, do you really think it’s a good idea? It’s a small town. People talk. I don’t want your friends getting mad at you for asking me to come.” Luke says, finally giving the real reason for not wanting to go._

__  
  
“Luke don’t be a ditz. I’ll prove that I’m your friend no matter what as many times as it takes. So you’ll come?” Harry asks, glancing at the bell in the hallway. 

__  
  
“Alright fine.” Luke caves in, making Harry jump off his back and hug him, pulling Louis in as well. It was then that the bell rang, indicating school was over.

 _  
“Great! Ditching last block was fun! Now let’s go to the store for ingredients! We’re making shrimp alfredo which is what I’m best at and chicken salad sandwiches which Louis has mastered! After today, they’ll both be **your**_ _specialties!” Harry says excitedly, grabbing one of Luke’s and one of Louis’s hands and racing them out to the store to get a move on._

“Childhood favorite?” Michael guesses as Luke fades out of the past.   


“Something like that.” Luke answers with a fond smile, grabbing the bags and feeling relieved when Michael grabbed a few because they did walk here.

 

“You’re going to cook all this stuff yourself?” Michael asks as they walk back to the mansion.

  
  
“You’re welcome to help if you want.” Luke shrugs. “But essentially yeah.” He tells Michael. When they get inside the house, Calum is waiting on the couch with Ashton. The two were watching some movie and looked up when the door opened.

  
  
Luke asked Michael to just leave the bags in the kitchen and he’d get started right away. Michael nodded and they headed to the room, but Calum sprang up with an upbeat smile.

 

“You want some help cooking Luke?” He asks kindly.

  
  
“Sure, if you want.” Luke answers with a smile. “You’re all welcome to help.”

 

“I guess I can stick around to lick the spoon.” Michael shrugs.

  
“I have no desire to cook with you. Fucking hopeless basket case.” Ashton snarls.

  
  
“That’s fine.” Luke shrugs, walking into the kitchen and getting things ready. Looking at the assortment of ingredients on the counter, Luke remembered what it was like when he first learned to cook.

 

_Alright Luke, do you know what step one is?” Harry asked, placing the grocery bags on the counter and gesturing for him and Louis to do the same._

__  
  
“Um, unpack the ingredients?” Luke guesses cluelessly. 

__  
  
“Nope! Lou?” Harry asks, moving the fake mic to him. 

__  
  
“Wash our hands.” Louis answers with a bright smile reserved just for Harry. 

_“Correct!” Harry beams, proud of Louis for remembering. The three lads rushed to the sink and washed their hands, Luke waited for the next step._

__  
  
“Now we unpack the stuff.” Harry tells Luke. The three then each take a section of the insane number of bags and place ingredients here and there.

_  
“Um Harry? What the hell **is** this stuff?” Luke asks, picking up some green vegetable that didn’t quite look like the lettuce._

__  
  
“Kale. It gives the chicken salad a bit of a kick, right Louis?” Harry winks.

_  
“That’s right Haz.” Louis laughs, ruffling Harry’s hands. The curly haired boy swatted the hand away and scolded Louis about having to wash his hands again now._

__  
  
“Now. Cooking his serious business Lukey, but it can still be fun too.” Harry explains, pulling an onion out of one of the bags. 

__  
  
“Fun? Sure.” Luke says skeptically with a roll of his eyes. 

__  
  
“Exhibit A.” Harry whispers, handing Louis an inion and asking him to cut it. 

_  
“Aw Haz come on. I had to cut it last time too.” Louis whines, but Harry pleaded with his pretty little eyes and Louis was at his mercy._

_  
“It…fucking…burns!” Louis wailed, chopping the stupid onion._

__  
  
“Is he…crying?” Luke asked in bemusement. 

__  
  
“Sure is. Big ol softie this one, eh Lou? Big old crybaby?” Harry teases, giggling when Louis glared at him. 

__  
  
“Okay yeah, this is pretty fun.” Luke says with a laugh. He open up some flour and eyes it in wonder. Sue him, but Luke had never seen it from the package before. 

__  
  
“It’s like snow.” Luke breathes out, grabbing some in his hand.

_  
“It’s damn messy.” Louis tells him._

_  
“Hey Luke?” Harry asks._

__  
“What?” Luke replies, holding the flour up to his face. Harry laughed unforgivingly before blowing out, causing the flour to cover up Luke’s face. The blonde yelped and ended up dropping a lot of flour on the floor and onto his clothes.  
  
“Jerk.” Luke muttered. Harry kept laughing, cooking and throwing things at Luke and Louis occasionally. The two targets eventually got Harry back by throwing some noodles at his hair and saying there wasn’t much of a difference. 

_“What in blazes is happening here?” A voice chimed in confusion. The three boys halted, looking at each other with expression that said they were trying not to laugh._

_  
“Er, Evening Mister Hemmings. How was your day?” Harry asks sheepishly._

__  
  
“Hello Harry. Hello Louis. Um…Luke? What are you doing?” Mr. Hemmings asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

_  
“Um…there’s a picnic tomorrow and Harry and Louis offered to help me make something for it.” Luke answered carefully. _

__  
  
“Well thank god for that. Lord knows you can’t cook son.” His father says in light hearted humor. They all laugh at that and Luke’s dad chances a taste at the alfredo and hums in delight. 

__  
  
“This is really good. I’ve never had alfredo like this before.” Mr. Hemmings praises.

_“Yeah, that’s Luke’s secret ingredient sir.” Louis tells him._

__  
  
“Is it now? What is this so called secret ingredient Luke?” his father asks. 

__  
  
“Pepper jack and string cheese instead of parmesan.” Luke answers a bit shyly. 

__  
  
“It’s delicious. I only expected the best from my son.” His father teases, ruffling Luke’s hair, causing flour to get everywhere. “I expect all this cleaned up by the time I get back now.” He adds before leaving the kitchen. 

Luke smiled at the memory and unpacked ingredients, smirking at Michael and Calum.

 

-

 

Every few minutes Ashton would hear a burst of laugher come from the kitchen and would find himself growing more and more irritated every time. What the hell could be happened in there? It was just cooking. The seventh or eighth time it happened, Ashton was ready to walk into his room forever, but couldn’t bring himself to. It would be like admitting defeat, which he was NOT going to do.

 

Eventually though, Ashton walked in, having enough of the excessive laughter. The scene in front of him should’ve made him angry and frustrated, but it only left him with a longing feeling. Calum’s face was dusted white with flour, Michel’s was white with sauce but it looked like someone had slid their finger across his cheek because there was a line, and Luke had tomato slices stuck to his cheeks, making them look like Pikachu’s electric sacs.

 

They all had smiles plastered on their face that said they were lost in another world. Lost in a place where only their happiness existed. Luke’s eyes looked like that kind of often Ashton noted. It was like the blonde was recalling a memory that never failed to bring him joy.

 

That joy and happiness was put on pause when Ashton burst into the room and their smiles dropped. The drummer felt as though he had imposed on a moment, but his feet were glued to the floor. The three boys now had their mouths open, gaped with guilty expressions. The tomato slices dropped from Luke’s cheeks and landed on the floor with a slosh, Luke’s bare cheeks now turning a natural red. Michael grabbed a towel and rubbed his face clean of sauce and Calum blinked in surprise, flour dusting off of his eyelashes in a way that looked like powdered snow.

 

“Um, what’s happening here?” Ashton asked, too tired to curse excessively.

  
  
“W-we were making the food for the picnic.” Luke sputters, moving to rid the floor of the tomato slices. “Told you not to cut them in slices Cal!” he scolds in a whisper to the bass player.

  
“Sorry Gordon Ramsey.” Calum snickers, fist bumping Michael when Luke pouted.

  
  
“Do you need any help?” Ashton asked a bit awkwardly. He hated how he sounded like a child asking for permission, but he had been nothing but rude to Luke. Still, the blonde was probably going to let him cook anyway, right? Michael and Calum were about to ask him to jump on board, but Luke’s answer had them all shook.

  
  
“No we’re good. You go ahead to sleep and just join me on our picnic tomorrow.”

 

…

 

Ashton looked like he was about ready to strangle Luke, but the blonde had a simple smile on his face, practically daring the drummer to cause a scene. Luke’s tone was dripping in fake sweetness, indicating he certainly didn’t _need_ Ashton there and knew Ashton wanted to be here. 

  
“Right. Night.” Ashton grumbled sourly, stalking off to his room. Michael and Calum looked at Luke in disbelief.

  
  
“What was that?” Michael asked, looking cross.

  
  
“Yeah what the heck Luke? Uncalled for.” Calum said in disappointment.

  
  
“Go on. Go comfort him then. I’ve got a handle on things from here.” Luke says simply, tone never wavering.

  
  
“Fuck you Luke. I was starting to like you too.” Michael said bitterly, rushing off after Ashton. Calum frowned at Luke, remembering what Ashton had said to him earlier about Luke being fake.

  
  
“Why did you do that?” Calum asks, grabbing the wooden spoon from Luke in an attempt to get him to face him. Calum’s eyes were stern, his composure more so. Luke looked confused as to why Calum didn’t leave too.

  
  
“Because he looked tired.” Luke lied.

  
  
“Why did you do that?” Calum repeated, frowning deeper.

  
“…you’ll choose him anyway. No matter how much you fool yourself or me that you’re my friend, you’re not Calum. You’re _his_ friend. So I’m just reminding you of that.” Luke answers. For a while, there is no noise except for the simmering of the pasta.

  
  
“You’re an enigma Luke. I don’t know what the hell you’ve been through, but friendship is a mutual thing. You have to want to be my friend to expect me to be yours.” Calum says sadly, handing Luke the spoon and leaving the kitchen.

 

The blonde looked down to the floor where flour and sauce residue was lain and frowned. He didn’t expect that kind of a reaction from Calum. He expected what Michael had done. Calum said Luke was the enigma, but the blonde felt as though their whole band, save for Michael was an enigma.

 

“No use in letting a pasta burn for unneeded feelings.” Luke says to himself, stirring the sauce. He decided to worry about tonight later like he always did.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke stretched a bit in his plaid pajamas and quietly tiptoed his way through the halls despite being the only one on the bottom floor. He appreciated the privacy greatly, but he was still a cautious guy by habit. Nearing the glass slide door to the backyard, he carefully slid it open and stepped outside into the night.

 

He shut the door silently and settled onto the floor despite the fact that there were a million and one chairs scattered across the patio and some beach style ones near the outdoor pool. The whole backyard was bigger than two of Luke’s old house.

 

The outside was louder than inside due to the crickets and occasional car passing by. Those noises were the only familiarity to Luke since coming here. He wasn’t too homesick, but it was nice to hear something he was used to other than screaming and condescending insults. The blonde shivered slightly in the cool night air and smiled, admiring the breeze.

 

It was peaceful for about three minutes before the door opened behind him and out stepped the drummer of Luke’s favorite band.

  
“Why the fuck did you call me out here at ass o clock in the morning?” Ashton grumbles, clearly having just woken up.

  
“I’d like to talk with you if you’ll allow me.” Luke whispers, not moving his gaze from the midnight purple sky up above.

 

“If you think I’m going to accept whatever damn apology you’re going to spit out, save it.” Ashton says through gritted teeth. He was not even beginning to be close to forgiving Luke about his stunt in the kitchen.

 

Luke patted the ground next to him, but Ashton shook his head and took a chair. It seemed to give him satisfaction to be above Luke in more ways than one.   
  
“I know you won’t accept it, but I’ll still give it. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. You just…got to me. I’m sorry.” Luke admits, cursing himself. He had never intended to tell Ashton that. It just came out.   
  
“Doesn’t seem like I ever get to you.” Is all Ashton replies.   
  
“I don’t let people know they do.” Luke answers. It must’ve been the late hour that caused Luke to spill out drunken truths because he normally never would. Or it could have to do with raiding the wine cabinet that Calum had granted him full access to his first night in. He knew he should’ve kept his wine sipping in moderation.  
  
“Why did you call me out here?” Ashton asks, crossing his arms. “Calum will be your buddy again tomorrow. He doesn’t stay mad long, so can I leave now your majesty?” Ashton asks bitterly.   
  
“This isn’t about him. This is about us. I mean, yes it makes me happy he’ll forgive me, but he wasn’t the reason I called you out here.” Luke explains. Ashton loosens his normally pure aggressive expression around Luke and holds back a yawn. His drowsiness was halting him from being as much of an asshole to Luke than he usually was. The blonde probably knew as much would happen. As much as Ashton hated him, he had to admit, Luke was smart.   
  
“There’s no us.” Ashton replies a beat later.

 

“Ashton, there is. Accept that. I called you here to fix whatever problem it is you have. Consider this feelings hour. Tell me what it is you hate about me or fake boyfriends in general.” Luke says.   
  
“Really? _Really_?” Ashton scoffs in disbelief. “You’re calling feelings hour? You’re the most closed off person when it comes to feelings in the history of humans Luke. Don’t fucking expect me to spill my feelings when you seem to have _none_.” Ashton spits out. Luke bit his lip in thought at those true true _true_ words and shivered again. He released his lip and sighed, eyes growing watery. The wine was coursing through his veins now and slowly working its way up to his brain.

  
“So if I show feelings, you will too?” The blonde asks, eyes watering more.

  
“Why the fuck are you crying? I wasn’t even being rude that time.” Ashton says, words harsh but tone concerned a bit. 

  
“This is how you make me feel. Your turn.” Luke says, voice wavering slightly. 

  
“We’re not doing this. I’ll offer you enough curtesy to not tell anyone this happened. Go to sleep.” Ashton says, clearly Luke’s crying having some effect on him. He disappeared inside, leaving Luke on the patio, drying his glassy blue eyes and wiping away forgotten memories.

 

-

 

 

“What’s on the agenda for today?” Calum asks his bandmates when he wakes up, heading to the kitchen. 

  
“Recording session then we’re supposed to meet those One Direction guys. I hear they’re pretty chill.” Michael answers, not looking up from his phone. Ashton nods to confirm as much and Luke hands Calum a cup of coffee.

  
“Thanks.” He tells all three of the boys. “Are you coming with?” Calum asks Luke.

  
“No, I can’t. Gilroy agreed to give me the day off because I had something to do.” Luke answers.

  
“Aw, well next time.” Calum shrugs. When he sees Luke start to leave, he adds in “Wait, you have to go now?”

  
“Yeah sorry. I gotta get an early start.” Luke says apologetically, waving the three boys good bye. 

  
“Wonder what he was in a rush for.” Calum muses.

 

“Probably to go cry like a wimp.” Michael snickers when Luke’s out the door. 

  
“Let’s go get ready so we won’t be late.” Ashton says, leaving his plate on the table.

 

“What’s with him?” Michael asks Calum. They both watch as Ashton storms upstairs.

 

“Maybe he hoped Luke would come because the more time they spend, the quicker this deal comes to an end.” Calum offers as an answer. 

  
“Maybe. But he seemed a bit off if you ask me.” Michael says

 

“Better not to dwell on it. Now go get ready. He’s right about not being late.” Calum says pointedly. Michael flips him off without any real heat and rushes up. Calum chanced a sip of his hot coffee and sighed. Luke was one messed up kid and he didn’t look too old. To have that many burdens on your mind at a young age must take some kind of toll. Who knew what went on in that crazy head of his.

 

-

 

“Are you Luke Hemmings?!” A voice screeched out. Luke gulped and looked behind him to see a reporter. Running away would be rude according to Gilroy, but he wasn’t supposed to talk to paparazzi without Ashton. What was he supposed to do?!

  
“Um…”

 

“It is you! Can I get a statement? Please? It’ll be really quick!” The woman exclaimed, gesturing her camera guy to move in quickly. The blonde tugged at his collar for some nerves to be loosened, but it didn’t do much. 

  
“Okay, roll.” She demands the cameraman. “Luke Hemmings, how does it feel to be dating the world-famous Ashton Irwin?” She asks with a beamy smile. 

  
“It’s g-great. Like dating your dream guy.” Luke replies, wanting to beat himself up for such a lame answer. 

  
“Do you two ever fight?” She asks, hiding a smirk. Luke felt sick to his stomach knowing that all these people wanted was dirt.

  
“Just little spats here and there like all couples. You know how that goes. He leaves his socks on the floor, I make the coffee too strong. Just that sort of stuff.” Luke says, chuckling a little to show how ridiculous the thought of fighting with his boyfriend was. 

  
“Oh. Well previous boyfriends had mentioned that he’s short tempered. Is that true?” She prods shamelessly. Luke suddenly struggled to find an answer because hell yeah Ashton was short tempered, but he couldn’t say that. He had to think of something positive quick. 

  
“I thinkAshton is one of a kind. Sure, he gets short tempered and gets mad at me. Sure, we don’t always agree and happen to be cross toward each other, but that’s only human.  He makes sure I’m happy and cared for. He makes sure no one disrespects me. He’s the best boyfriend a guy could ever ask for.” Luke spills, words coming out without thought. He felt a memory coming, distracting him from what was happening.

 

****_“Say Luke. Everyone round here seems to know the whole bonanza about your mum, but what bout your dad, eh? What’s he like?” Niall asked as the two lay on the grassy hill, watching the clouds. Luke looked at him, a bit miffed he ruined the silence, but knowing the question would come sooner or later. He could now hear the faint laugher of the other boys playing tag by the swing set.  
  
“Sorry if that’s a bit personal lad, I’m only curious is all. Plus, we’re both blondes, so we’ve got a connection, ya know?” Niall added, bumping his shoulder playfully. _

****__  
“I know you’re not a natural blonde Niall.” Luke laughs. “And it’s alright. I’m used to people just bombarding me with questions.” He says, laughing a little more at Niall’s look of disbelief.  
  
“Well that doesn’t make it okay. If ya don’t want to answer, ya don’t have to.” Niall insists.   
  
“Thanks. But I don’t mind. My father is one of a kind. Sure, he gets short tempered and gets mad at me. Sure, we don’t always agree and happen to be cross toward each other, but that’s only human.  He makes sure I’m happy and cared for. He makes sure no one disrespects me. He’s the best father a guy could ever ask for.” Luke says earnestly.   
  
“Ya really admire him, dontcha?” Niall hums.

****

**_“I do.” Luke agrees._ **

****_  
“We’re gonna be mates, you and me, yeah?” Niall wonders.  
_

****_  
“Course. Any friend of Harry’s is a friend of mine. He was the nicest person to me when no one was. That’s true friendship. Or at least, that’s what my father says.” Luke says sheepishly.  
_

****_  
“Harry is a special kid alright. But so are you Luke. You’re a strong kid.” Niall says with admiration.  
_

**_  
“Thanks.” Luke says, feeling a little embarrassed. His cheeks felt warm like they sometimes did when Harry was extra nice to him._ **

****

**_“No problem. You wanna go play tag with the others?” Niall asks._ **

**_  
“No thanks. I actually have to get home soon. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Luke promises, waving good bye to the others as well._ **

****

“Just one more question. Are you two in **love**?” The reporter asks. Luke phased back and felt his head spin. 

  
‘are you two in love _love **love**_?’

 

Luke froze.

 

-

 

“No way! Fastest selling single _ever_?” Michael asks, feeling jealousy and amazement rise up within him. 

  
“That’s true.” Louis says smugly, laughing when Michael and Calum begin flooding him with questions. 

  
“Can’t believe we never met you lot before. To think if we went to the same school, we could’ve all formed a massive boyband.” Niall jokes with his goofy grin. 

  
“We are _not_ a boyband.” Michael protests. 

  
“Right. Niall just met that we would’ve been friends sooner.” Liam fixes. The five of them then bicker amongst themselves for a while. Near the far end of the room, Harry sat on a bed and had his head resting on his hands solemnly.   


“You’ve been awfully quiet since we arrived. Penny for your thoughts?” Ashton asks the other curly haired boy, handing him an actual penny. Harry looks up at Ashton, catches sight of the penny, and smiles small. He carefully reaches for it and places it into his pocket.   
  
“You can sit. If you’d like.” Harry offers, making room for the drummer. Ashton takes him up on the offer and does as much.   


“Now what’s on your mind pretty boy.” Ashton jokes. 

  
“You’re dating someone, right?” Harry asks carefully. “That tall blonde lad I saw you with on the telly the other day?”

  
Ashton squinted, wondering what that had to do with Harry’s thoughts. It was the last thing he expected. 

  
“Er, yes. He and I are seeing each other, why?” Ashton asks.

 

“I-I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ve heard rumors that you can be a little…aggressive with your boyfriends. Just…I’m only asking you to hold back a bit. That blonde boy looks tougher than he is. He decides to take more than he can handle.” Harry says ominously.

 

“How would you know that?” Ashton asks, curiosity reaching an all-time high. Harry seemed to be talking about Luke like he knew him on a personal level.

  
“I-I just a hunch, that’s all.” Harry blurts. 

  
“What are we talking about over here?” Louis asks, eyes sparkling when they land on Harry. 

  
“He was just asking me about Luke, my boyfriend.” Ashton fill him in, not missing the sparkle leaving Louis’s eyes when the blonde’s name was mentioned. 

  
“Didn’t know you were dating someone. Good for you mate.” Louis says, nudging Ashton boyishly. Ashton nodded, but could tell something was off. The rest of the boys, save for Liam now joined them near Harry’s bed, talking about who was the best singer. Michael seemed to be losing.

  
“Where did Liam go?” Ashton asks. 

  
“Kitchen. Went to get a drink.” Niall answers. 

  
“Could use one myself. Be right back.” Ashton says, walking after the oldest boy. As Niall said, Liam was there, reaching into the fridge for a beverage. 

  
“Could I ask you something?” Ashton asks, catching Liam’s attention. The singer turned around and relaxed seeing it was only Ashton, closing the fridge door.

 

“Go for it mate.” He replies.

  
“Does the name Luke Hemmings mean anything to you guys?” Ashton asks, scanning his face for signs of fear or acknowledgment. None was found. Liam furrowed his eyebrows and seemed to genuinely be thinking. 

  
“Luke…Hemmings? I think maybe he might’ve gone to our school actually. Name sounds vaguely familiar I suppose. Why do you ask?” Liam wonders, not seeming to have much information.   
“Oh nothing really. I’m just dating him and Harry seemed to know who he was.” Ashton answers.

 

  
“Well I’ll ask him about it if you’d like.” Liam offers.

  
  
“No no. That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Ashton insists, going back to the room where the boys were.

  
  
Something weird was going on.

****

****

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

_“Hey Luke? Could I tell you a secret?” Harry asks, stepping into Luke’s room._

__  
“You already told me you’re gay Harry.” Luke replies, scribbling into his math book rapidly. The sooner he finished his homework, the sooner her could lay back and play FIFA or watch TV.  


__  
“Luke, this is serious. Please?” Harry says a little louder, closing Luke’s notebook. The blonde looked up and noticed Harry’s usual friendly smile and demeanor replaced by a worried frown.  


__  
“Sit.” Luke invites, giving his best friend his full attention.  


_  
“I’ve been thinking lately…you know how I love to sing?” Harry asks carefully._

_  
“Course I do. I walked into your house once and you were singing in the shower. You’ve got a nice voice by the way.” Luke compliments. Anyone close to Harry knew he loved to sing randomly. He reminded Luke of a Disney movie._

__  
“Well, what if it wasn’t just for leisure anymore. I’ve been thinking maybe to sing as a…profession?” Harry asks, biting his lip. Luke fought not to stare at the action. It was one of the little habits he’d picked up from Luke; a telltale sign of fear and nerves.  


__  
“Well why the hell not? It never hurts to try. I think you have a great shot, especially with all these wannabe singers out there that make money. You actually have some god given talent.” Luke beams, erasing a few of Harry’s nerves. The curly haired boy gave him a dimpled smile and hugged him close.  


_  
“Thanks Luke. I was worried you’d say my head was in the clouds or something.” Harry admits._

_“Please. I’m already preordering your albums.” Luke laughs, feeling high on giddiness when Harry tickles him for the teasing.  
_

__  
“Hey Luke?” Harry asks once he grants Luke mercy and ceases tickling him.  


__  
“What nowwwww?” Luke fake whines. “Yes, you can also be an actor.” He jokes, dodging Harry’s incoming elbow.  


__  
“Relax. Singing was the only secret I had for today. I can’t act to save my life.” Harry snorts. “But that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to ask why you never share anything personal unless asked. How come you don’t tell ME any secrets?” Harry prods, moving closer to the blonde so their arms touched slightly.  


_  
“I d_ _unno. I guess I’m just a bit of an open book. Anything you need to know about me is pretty much out in the open.” Luke shrugs._  


_  
“Right, but what about the things I WANT to know? I don’t really know much about you that no one else already knows. I want all the inner juicy stuff.” Harry playfully says._

__  
“Not much juicy about me mate.” Luke giggles.  


_  
“C’mon. Tell me ONE thing you’ve never told anyone else before.” Harry pleads. It’s Luke’s turn to bite his lip and his mind is suddenly flooded with all the things he never said. All his jumbled thoughts that ranged from secretive to impossible to unrealistic. Which one should he tell Harry? His thoughts were…well HIS. He never shared how he felt. Maybe feelings were okay to talk about with someone close. He might as well try it out. This was Harr for crying out loud._

_“Alright. I’ve got a secret. But you can’t tell anyone, yeah?” Luke says carefully. Harry nods instantly, looking beyond psyched to be told a secret about Luke Hemmings._

_  
“I’m not 100% sure, but I’m getting there. I think…I think I might be in love.” Luke blurts. Something was off. People said it was good to get things off your chest. Even Luke’s father told him as much…but this was wrong. Luke felt an even heavier weight on his chest with the release of those words. Maybe feelings WEREN’T something he could share…_

_“Love?!” Harry shouts in disbelief. Luke covers his mouth despite them being the only two in the house.  
_

__  
“Sorry, but LOVE? Are you SURE?” Harry asks, curiosity rising.  


_  
“I said I think I am.” Luke says to weaken the blow of his words._

__  
“Christ Luke. When did…with who?!” Harry demands to know.  


__  
“Hey, you said ONE thing. That’s it. Don’t be greedy.” Luke jokes, opening his notebook back up and beginning to write away. It would take his mind off of his stupid decision to tell a secret.  


__  
“You’re so unfair Luke. I’ll figure it out one way or another you know.” Harry decides.  


_  
“Yeah you have fun with that Sherlock Harry.” Luke giggles, finishing up his homework._

**_-_ **

****

_“Harry it’s you. The person I’m in love with. It’s you.” Luke breathed out, high on adrenaline and hope and luck and everything good in the world. Screw his friends for saying to keep it to himself. Screw everyone that said he’d never find happiness. Screw his dad for warning him about the dangers of heartbreak. He had to say it and now that he had, all he needed was Harry to say the words back. And he had a good feeling about it. After all, Harry told him secrets and you only told people secrets if you really liked them and trusted them, right?_

_“What?!”_

_What._

_  
What?_

_What?!_

_Luke looked at Harry who appeared appalled. This. This was the worst possible reaction in the world. Luke could’ve taken a ‘Sorry, I only see you as a friend.’ He could’ve handled a ‘I don’t think I know what love is.’ He could’ve even survived a ‘You’re like a brother to me.’ But not this. Harry looked like he couldn’t believe Luke thought he was ALLOWED to like him, let alone love him. Luke’s heart checked out for a second and wished he himself could do the same._

_“I-I…” Luke lost the words. Lost confidence. Lost hope. Lost everything he thought made sense._

_  
“Luke. You can’t LOVE ME.” Harry says in fear, eyes wide._

_“I…I was joking.” Luke tries, but that lie was pathetic even to him. His lying was terrible and Harry constantly told him he needed to work on it. Maybe he shouldn’t see it as lying so much as acting…maybe then he could do it better._

_“This is bad. This is bad bad bad.” Harry repeated like a mantra. Luke now felt as pathetic at his lie.  
_

__  
“Why is it so bad that I love you?” Luke asked in a tone as broken as his heart in the moment.  


_  
“YOU WHAT?!” Louis asked in anger. Luke flinched and jumped up in the air a bit, scared. Louis looked just about ready to kill a bitch. He was glaring so hard at Luke, the blonde started sweating and feared that he may very well melt. If Luke had seen him come in, the conversation would have very well ended. The blonde always speculated that Louis didn’t like him much, and he knew Louis always had a soft spot for Harry._

_  
“Lou, calm down, it’s not-_

_“Shut up Harry. Don’t tell me to calm down! You said you were sure!” Louis yelled, fists clenched and eyes narrowed on Luke. The blonde was too confused and hurt to say anything.  
_

_  
“Louis, I swear I didn’t think-_

_“No, you didn’t. I told you to stop flirting with him!” Louis accused.  
_

__  
“What’s going on here?” Niall asked, walking in with a bag of gummy bears. This situation was much like a nightmare Luke willed himself to wake up from. It was as random and traumatic as one.  


__  
“Tell him Harry.” Louis said with gross laughter.  


__  
“Louis stop it.” Harry tries demanding, but he never could stand up to Louis much.  


__  
“No Harry. You promised. You knew I never really liked him anyway. Probably lied about the whole parent situation anyway.” Louis sneered. Luke felt like he was back in primary school. When bullies picked on him. And… Zayn left him. When he actually believed the mean, nasty, spiteful words yelled against him before Harry convinced him they weren’t true.  


_  
“Louis!” Harry shouted, astonished at the harsh accusations._

_“Hey mate, that was uncalled for.” Niall says with a disapproving look. Luke shot Niall what he thought was a grateful look, but couldn’t do much else in the growing confusion and sadness.  
_

_  
“He’s trying to steal my boyfriend!” Louis said without mercy. He looked at Luke like he was worthless._

_Wait…boyfriend? As in…Harry and Louis were…dating?  
_

__  
“You two…?” Luke spoke in a cracked voice.  


_  
“Shit. I told you not to keep it a secret.” Niall told the apparent couple. “Didn’t I say someone would get hurt?”_

_“Shut up Niall.” Louis says with gritted teeth. So Niall knew?  
_

_  
“Harry I’m sorry. I didn’t know…” Luke said. He was sad, but also angry. Why wasn’t he told? Perhaps all of Harry’s REAL_ _friends knew because Luke certainly wasn’t one. Perhaps Harry saw him as a pity child…but no. he wouldn’t, would he?_

_“It’s not your fault.” Harry tries, but then the nightmare extended to somewhere truly frightening._

_“Heya Harry, nice job. I see my coaching has paid off.” Zayn says with a bright smile, but it drops when he catches sight of Luke. Coaching? That’s where Harry had been getting his vocal lessons?!_

_  
“You guys are friends?!” Luke asks, appalled and pissed. Harry looked like he was going to explain, but Louis beat him to it as always._

_  
“I wanted to tell you about it the day it happened—both about Zayn and then me and Harry. I always speculated that you had a thing for him, but Harry didn’t heed my warnings. He insisted you were just a friend. Eventually, he started to take what I said into consideration, but then he refused to let anyone tell you about us because he didn’t think you could handle it. Don’t delude yourself into thinking Harry would EVER like you. No one would!” Louis screams with hatred, pulling Harry behind him._

_Time stopped. Words ceased to exist. The universe was a flicker of a spark of an enigma._

_  
Harry…really did only pity him. He never actually wanted to be his friend. All those jokes, picnics, flirting…all a figment of a fantasy. Nothing even close to reality._

_“You…”_

_…_

_“Luke it’s not like that, I-_

_“It’s okay.” Luke suddenly snaps. All his emotions that were swirling everywhere and anywhere suddenly vanished. Luke smiled and locked away everything that once left him vulnerable. From now on, he’d be a brick. Unbreakable, but already busted. Nothing would ‘bother’ him any longer.  
_

__  
“It’s…okay?” Harry asked, confused.  


_  
“Yeah. I’m only 15. What do I know about love?” Luke said with laughter. “Besides, I went through part of my life without friends. I can do it again. Oh, and good luck with Zayn. His specialty is leaving.” Luke says in a sweet voice, leaving the backstage arena._

****

“Hey! Step back! He’s startled!” Ashton shouted with anger, pulling Luke to his chest with love. The blonde was still semi frazzled and out of it, so he didn’t process fully what was happening. 

  
“We’re sorry Ashton. We just started interviewing him for a bit and-

  
“No! You surprised him and he couldn’t say no! that is different! Leave him alone. Can’t you see he’s scared?” Ashton shouted, voice growing softer at the last sentence as he held Luke close and cradled him much like a child. It brought the blonde so many more memories, but these ones were fond. Times when his father could sense Luke’s uncertainty and knew he could use some extra loving. 

  
“More loving.” Luke spoke in a haunted voice, eyes dazed. Ashton looked at his see through blue eyes in concern and placed the blondes head in his neck. He had to lean Luke down in order for it to work, but he compliantly went with it. 

  
“I’ll give you all the loving in the world honey.” Ashton spoke into Luke’s hair in a tone as soft as the blonde locks. Luke’s fists clenched Ashton’s plaid shirt after hearing those words and he closed his eyes shut, grasping for familiarity and love. Love. _Love_.

 

“Get those cameras out of my face. NOW.” Ashton said firmly, placing his hand in front of them to block them from view. 

  
“R-right. S-sorry.” The reporter sputtered, ushering her camera man to fall back. Once she was completely out of sight, Ashton pulled Luke away gently and demanded he open his eyes. 

  
“What. Happened?” Ashton asked with awkward pauses in his words. Luke looked beyond guilty. He had one job. Literally.

 

“I-I…I…” Luke trailed off helplessly. 

  
“Are you alright? You’re not going to die, are you?” Ashton asks, trying to lighten the mood. Luke didn’t waver in expression.

  
“How did you find me Ashton?” Luke asked instead, looking away from the drummer. He was too ashamed.   


“When we were with One Direction, the TV showed the interview live and I ordered the driver to bring me here as fast as possible.” Ashton explained, crossing his arms. 

  
“I’m sorry. I…it won’t happen again, I swear. I didn’t mean to put your reputation in jeopardy.” Luke says, clearing his throat and regaining his usual composure. Ashton sighed upon seeing the shift and shook his head. 

  
“What the fuck happened to you Luke?” He asked more to himself than anything. 

  
“I just froze up, that’s all. She caught me off guard and I wasn’t sure how to answer so-

  
“Not that Luke. I meant what happened to you in your past.” Ashton corrects, looking the tall blonde over. Luke shivered a bit and then shook his head. 

  
“You should go back. To One Direction. They’re a big name. They probably don’t want to be kept waiting.” Luke says instead. He seemed to have a faraway look that Ashton couldn’t miss even if he wanted to at this point. 

  
“Yeah they’re not all they’re cracked up to be actually. Kind of phony.” Ashton says carefully. Luke looked up at him with an unreadable expression. 

  
“Really?” The blonde asked.

  
“Yeah. Especially that main one, Harry I think? He’s kind of a wanker. Not great at singing either. Don’t think I like him much.” Ashton relays. Luke opened his mouth twice to try and respond, but thought better of it. He looked a bit perplexed. 

  
“What about the rest?” Luke decides to ask finally. 

  
“Well apparently one of them left the group.” Ashton says. Luke seems to hide back a smirk at those words, Ashton couldn’t tell why. Why was that something to be smug about? Luke was definitely an enigma. 

  
“Zayn?” Luke asks, biting his lip. 

  
“Yeah that was his name. How’d you know?” Ashton asks, getting onto him. 

  
“It was all over the news Ashton. You’re not the only band I follow.” Luke giggles.

 

“Well yeah. And Liam is probably my favorite. Least fake one. Niall seems innocent enough, and Louis tries to be fearful, but he’s a joke. But really, I didn’t like that Harry guy. Complete tosser.” Ashton reiterates.

 

“That’s hard to…believe I suppose.” Luke replies after a minute of taking in Ashton’s thoughts. 

  
“Why’s that long-legged limbs?” Ashton asks, smiling when he noticed Luke’s amused expression at the nickname.

  
“Just, stuff I hear on the news says Harry is kind, brave, sweet. Brilliant singer with god given talent. That’s all. It’s hard to believe he’s a mean guy I guess.” Luke shrugs. 

  
“You say that like you know him.” Ashton prods. Luke chuckles at that like it’s the funniest joke he’s heard all day, so maybe Ashton was wrong about thinking they knew each other.

 

“Wanna come with me. I have to go back there and it’d be better to have someone who isn’t kissing their asses for having the number one hit single or whatever.” Ashton offers. 

  
“I can’t. I didn’t really get anything done that I was supposed to while I was alone.” Luke replies quickly. Almost like he really didn’t want to go. Then again, maybe his thoughts could be confirmed. He just had to be careful about how he approached the subject. 

  
“What school did you go to when you were younger? They clearly didn’t teach you time management.” Ashton jokes. 

  
“Ha. It was a small school. You’ve probably never heard of it.” Luke waves off. “Anyway, you should get back. Sorry again about the interview. Thanks for being cool about it.” Luke says, moving to leave. 

  
“Wait.” Ashton says, not knowing why. Maybe he just didn’t want to go back to One Direction. Something just didn’t feel right about them. 

  
“What’s up?” Luke asks, ready to do whatever Ashton asked. 

  
“I don’t really want to go back there. Not alone at least. I’ll just join you.” Ashton says evenly. Luke looks like he doesn’t want that to happen, but doesn’t want to say no to Ashton either.   


“Well my errands can wait until tomorrow anyway. What do you want to do?” Luke asks.   


“Oh, you don’t have to cancel your plans. I’ll just come do them with you. Cut the workload in half.” Ashton offers.   
  
“No no. Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t that important anyhow. We can just go get a bite to eat for paparazzi to see. I’m sure they’ll be buzzing about you yelling at that reporter.” Luke waves off. Ashton narrowed his eyes. Why was he being so secretive and trying to change the subject?!

  
“No. Why are you doing that? Tell me what you were really going to do.” Ashton demands, crossing his arms once more and appearing a bit scary. It sort of worked, but Luke wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction of knowing he slightly frightened him.  


“No. Why should I? You made it clear we didn’t like each other. We aren’t even friends Ashton Irwin, so stay out of my business.” Luke sasses, getting all up in Ashton’s face to show he wouldn’t be his bitch. 

  
“You’re ridiculous.” Ashton mutters, looking pissed beyond belief. 

  
“Me?! You’re the bipolar one!” Luke cries out, grasping his hair with his fists. 

  
“Say that again.” Ashton dared with malice. 

  
“You’re a bipolar, selfish, insufferable-mmm?”

 

Ashton chased Luke’s lips right after his lips formed the word ‘insufferable’ and he grabbed Luke’s hands together, binding them. The drummer pushed Luke back into the wall and deepened the kiss, noticing Luke wasn’t kissing back much. When his tongue entered the blonde’s mouth, Luke finally reacted by kissing back and humming in satisfaction as Ashton sucked on his tongue. Luke begged wordlessly for Ashton to let his hands go so he could touch the six-pack that was no doubt hidden by Ashton’s shirt, but the drummer seemed to thrive on this sort of power play he had, so Luke’s hands stayed bound.

 

They locked lips for about two minutes before Ashton let go of his hands and pulled back slightly. Their breath was slightly labored and their lips glistening with each other’s saliva. Luke gulped, feeling the brick wall behind him and was extremely shook. He didn’t expect that, but knew it was long overdue. Their attraction was easy to see to anyone, including themselves.  


“You’re so kissable it’s fucking annoying.” Ashton growled. He looked angrier than before with Luke, but it looked like he might very well kiss Luke again. 

  
“Look at those muscles. Freaking lickable.” Luke breathed out, angry at his lust, but damn. Ashton was ripped as fuck.

  
“Yeah? Want to get a taste?” Ashton smirked, flexing a bit and looking smug as hell when Luke’s attention was nowhere but his arms. 

  
“Touch me.” Ashton dared, this time with a lust filled voice. Luke couldn’t help it as he slipped his hands under Ashton’s shirt and felt the built body that was Ashton Irwin. The blonde shivered a bit and Ashton tensed ever so slightly at the touch, but then he grabbed Luke’s hands again and pinned them above the wall. 

  
“Want me to kiss you again honey?” Ashton asked seductively. Luke’s eyes fluttered shut beautifully and he nodded. Ashton then kissed a trail up Luke’s neck and swallowed all the moans about to spill from his lips greedily and dry humped against him for experimental purposes. 

  
“F-fudge.” Luke stuttered, feeling blissfull. 

  
“You’re so fucking adorable when you don’t curse. Fucking princess.” Ashton whispered into Luke’s ear, making him shiver a bit. He tugged his hands loose from Ashton’s grip and felt the six-pack once more, trailing his hands to Ashton’s back muscles. 

  
“So sexy.” Luke breathed, letting Ashton shove his tongue down his mouth again. 

  
“Yeah? How do I make you feel baby?” Ashton asked. 

  
“Don’t call me that.” Luke said, sounding offended. Ashton was a bit confused, but remembered he’d called Luke honey before and he didn’t seem to have any protests, so he went with that. 

  
“Sorry. How does this feel honey?” Ashton chanced, rubbing against Luke again. 

  
“Do it again Ash.” Luke ordered. Ashton complied, harder this time and Luke let out a louder moan. 

  
“Christ. I’m not going to cum in my pants here where anyone can see. We should stop.” Luke says, pulling back a bit. It seemed to just hit both of them about the caliber of what they’d just done.

 

-

 

“I’ve never seen Ashton run so fast in his life. Even from hysterical fans.” Michael observes.

  
“I’ve never seen him be as rude to someone as he is to Luke, but I guess there’s a first for everything.” Calum shrugs. 

  
“Wait…he’s rude to Luke?!” Harry asks, sounding personally offended. Calum and Michael gave him weird looks. 

  
“Wait, how do you know Luke?” Calum asks, confused. 

  
“Yeah Harry, how do you know Luke?” Louis asks, sounding miffed. 

  
“I just have seen him on interviews you know? He seems like a sweet guy.” Harry answers.  


“Right.” Michael says because that made sense. “But Cal’s right. He is pretty rude to Luke. It never made sense.” He muses. 

  
“I thought tabloids said Ashton was like that with all his past boyfriends.” Louis pointed out. 

  
“Well, he isn’t the nicest guy to them, but Luke is a different story. We never really got why he was so hateful toward the lad.” Calum explains. Michael nodded in agreement. 

  
“You know what they say. There’s a fine line between hate and love.” Liam says, throwing a subtle glance to Louis and Harry. 

  
“You think Ashton fancies Luke?” Michael asks, not buying it. 

  
“He’s saying it’s a possibility.” Niall answers, Liam nodding in confirmation. 

  
“It’s not possible. Well…maybe, but Luke doesn’t feel the same way, no way.” Calum insists. “Ashton’s been too awful to him.”

 

“Calum has a point.” Harry says, sounding like he was Ashton with how upset he seemed. 

  
“He could change his mind.” Liam brings up.

  
“Doubtful. Not with what that bloke’s been through.” Niall hums, not realizing what he’s said until he feels Michael and Calum’s stares. It’s when he meets Louis’s glare that he’s realized what he’s done.

 

“What do you mean after all he’s been through?” Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

  
“Yeah, that’s what I want to know.” Calum said with accusation.

  
“Ummmmmm…” Niall trailed off. He glanced at a very guilty Harry.

 

-

 

“That was…” Ashton starts. 

  
“We don’t have to talk about it. Come on. We should go back home if anything.” Luke says. 

  
“Wait, I want to talk about it though.” Ashton pipes up, pulling Luke back. 

  
“Well I don’t.” Luke scoffs. 

  
“Okay, but this effects both of us.” Ashton points out. 

  
“So that automatically gives you permission to take control?” Luke asks sarcastically. He senses Ashton’s surfacing anger and sighs, making a gesture for the drummer to continue. 

  
“I was thinking that friends with benefits is super unhealthy, but-

 

“Considering we aren’t even friends.” Luke makes known.   
  
“Level with me Luke. I think we could be something. There’s clearly something here. We might be able to make each other happy I think. I like you.” Ashton blurts. Luke freezes for the second time in one day.

 

_“Come on Luke. We were younger and stupid back then. I’m so sorry for what I did back then. If I could take it back, I swear I would. I know what I want now. I was wrong to treat you like that, but I think we could really make each other happy. I love you.” Harry pleased, begging for forgiveness. But Luke wasn’t having it. Luke was DONE.  
  
_ **_“You think you can treat me like absolute shit one day and then I’ll go running back into your arms Harry?! Screw you! You deserve every bad thing that happened and will happen to you in the future. We are not even friends and you have the GALL to say you love me?! Get over yourself rising superstar. Have a nice rich boy life.” Luke spits. But…he didn’t say that. Not really. He wanted to as much as one could want something, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. If Luke could change the memory, he’d make this the real version, but he couldn’t. all he had was what really happened._ **

_  
The blonde had not said anything for a while and Harry was growing concerned.“Luke please say something. Anyt-_

_“Shup up Harry Edward Styles. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. I don’t need you or anyone else to bring me happiness.” Luke says coldly. Harry frowns and hugs himself, knowing he deserved as much._

_“Oh Lukey. Your dad taught you to be strong. He taught you independence. He even taught you not to let people decide how you feel, but there’s one thing he didn’t teach you.” Harry said sadly._

_“HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY FATHER?! DON’T YOU DARE. YOU DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT!” Luke screamed hatefully. He would not let Harry do this. Wouldn’t let ANYONE. He’d gone berserk._

_  
“He didn’t teach you compassion.” Harry sobbed, crashing into Luke for a warm forced bear hug. Luke’s body was wracking with sobs and screams and cries. His father was…the best. Harry didn’t know what he was talking about._

****

“Where do you get off?” Luke asks rhetorically.

 

“What?” Ashton asked. Luke really was done this time. No holding back. He’d say exactly what he wanted to this time.

 

“Who the hell do you think you are?! You think you can treat me like absolute shit one day and then I’ll go running back into your arms Harry?! We are not even friends and you have the GALL to say you love me?!” Luke yelled out blindly. His rage had consumed his and history repeating itself was having some adverse effect. Ashton looked like he was socked in the stomach.

  
“Did you…did you just call me Harry?” Ashton asked, raising an eyebrow, some pieces coming together. Never mind the fact that he never said he _loved_ Luke.

 

“Wh-what? No. I, I didn’t?” Luke asked? Thoughts weren’t flowing, time wasn’t moving.

  
“Why did you say…Harry liked you?! So you _do_ know him!?” Ashton asks, trying to make sense of anything. Fuck. Luke was caught.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

****

****

****

****

****

****

 


	6. Chapter 6

Luke and Ashton spent forever just looking at each other, each waiting on the other to say something. It was a game of speaking chicken. When neither looked like they were about to crack, their stares got more intense. Ashton awaited an explanation and Luke did not want to give one. Why did Ashton deserve anything from him? He didn’t owe the drummer anything after the way he treated Luke. Rude as fuck one day and claiming he liked him the next.

  
“I want an answer.” Ashton says, looking more irritated now. 

  
“I want to go home.” Luke replies. 

  
“It’s not your home.” Ashton sneers. 

  
“Oh yeah, there’s _totally_ something between us.”

  
“Don’t get smart with me Luke.”

 

“Don’t act like I owe you anything you spoiled wannabe rock star.” Luke fires back. His lungs and heart were burning with anger and he never felt more alive. All his pent-up emotions were riling up inside him. No more holding back at all.

  
“You think your insults are good you worthless twink?!” Ashton yells, clearly pissed at Luke’s last comment. 

  
“You must like twinks considering how fuckable you find me. Considering the fact that you like me. How much of an embarrassment are you? You stand here, clearly having feelings for me, which is pathetic by the way. How could someone like me ever like someone like you? You’re nothing but a damn poser with no chance at love because of the way that you are. So go ahead and ‘insult’ me. It doesn’t matter because you-

 

“Finish your sentence you little shit. I fucking dare you!” Ashton screeches, holding Luke by the collar of his shirt. The drummer’s face is visibly red. Whether from embarrassment or anger or both, Luke isn’t sure. But he smiles maliciously, sadistically pleased that someone else is feeling the way he constantly does on the inside. He’s fucking thrilled that Ashton is pissed. It shows that he has power. He hungers for more. Craves the feeling more than life itself. 

  
“What’s the matter Ashy? Can’t stand that someone has the upper hand toward your obvious superiority complex?” Luke taunts, smirk widening when Ashton moves to punch him, but can’t bring himself. 

  
“You’re seriously pathetic Ashton. You can’t hit me because you’re too in love. What a poor excuse of a man.” Luke pities, shaking his head condescendingly. 

  
“I may not be a ‘man’, but you aren’t even human. Where the fuck is your compassion?” Ashton says, anger seemingly draining as he takes up what seems to be some new tactic. Luke is taken aback for a second. What is Ashton’s new game here? The upper hand is flying elsewhere, but it isn’t exactly in Ashton’s court yet. 

  
“I don’t have compassion for people like you.” Luke replies. 

  
“You lying fuck. You don’t have compassion for anyone. Don’t pretend I’m some exception. I knew there was something weird about you and now I know what it is. You legit don’t have feelings.” Ashton says, smiling as well. If there was one thing Ashton learned from the blonde boy, it was that not letting someone know they were bothering you was key to winning. 

  
“I do have feelings.” Luke defends weakly, cursing himself for wavering. 

  
“Yeah, and I’m a golden boy. Wake the fuck up Luke. Your father may have taught you to be strong, but he didn’t teach you how to feel. How to resolve conflict without being a bitch.” Ashton taunts. 

  
“Shut up about my father.” Luke warns, anger rising at unhealthy levels. He felt his eyes burn with the familiar sting of tears, and he could feel his emotions on the verge of exploding. 

  
“Why? Because I’m right?” Ashton mocks, mimicking Luke’s tone from earlier. He did not smirk. He frowned to match Luke’s inner feelings. He seemed…empathetic in a way Luke could never begin to be familiar with. No one tried to understand how he felt. But in the moment, the blonde was too hurt and lost to notice Ashton’s expression.

  
“Stop it! Stop it right now!” Luke may have screamed, but it took no detective to know he was begging, pleading with his life for Ashton to stop.

 

“Why? You want your dad here?” Ashton asks, tugging the last heartstring Luke had left. 

  
“HE CAN’T BE HERE. HE’S DEAD!” Luke cried, falling to his knees and breaking down for the first time since he was a young boy. Ashton sighed out and closed his eyes. He walked over to the crouched blonde and pulled him close.   
  
“Let me go! Let me go you careless bastard!” Luke wailed, weakly pulling away from the drummer’s hold, but true to Luke’s aforementioned admiration, Ashton’s muscles were not about to be broken through. Not with the way he caged Luke in a comforting bear hug.

  
“No. You need this. You need to feel Lukey. Please just let it out for once. Don’t keep it in. It’s not healthy.” Ashton whispers soothingly, hugging the blonde tighter.

  
“Let me go. Let me go. I hate you! Let me go!” Luke cried, sounding more and more broken every time. He punched at Ashton’s chest with every word and sobbed more. His tears were drenching both of them more than a downpour ever could. They wouldn’t stop. 

  
“I’m never letting you go.” Ashton promises. 

  
“You don’t get to do this! You hated me. You made that crystal clear when we first met! You don’t get to act like you care now!” Luke sobs, punches growing weaker, resolve crumbling. 

  
“I had to Luke. I always have to. I can’t get attached.” Ashton says, remorse in his tone. Apology there, but not directly spoken. There were too many unspoken words and not enough time.

  
“That doesn’t make sense. You’re making bull shit excuses because that’s what you are; bull shit. Shut up shut up shut up.” Luke cries harder, hands now coming to rub at his stung stayed eyes. Ashton did as Luke wished and didn’t speak. Instead, he held Luke like he hadn’t been held since before his father died.

 

**_I_ ** _t was okay. Luke just had the worst day ever, but it was okay. Harry hated him, he had no friends, the world was against him, but it was okay. He’d have to work hard to find his happiness again, but it was okay._

_  
“Father? I’m home.” Luke called, needing a pick me up. His father would pick up on his sullen mood and offer ice cream and hugs. It would be okay._

_“Father?” Luke asked, hearing shuffling.  
_

__  
“L-Luke?” a choked voice sounded. Luke dropped his backpack to the floor carelessly and rushed to the weak voice, gasping at the sight before him. His father lay on the ground, blood gushing out of his chest rapidly.  


__  
“Father! What happened?!” Luke shrieked, grabbing a phone and dialing 911 at the same time.  


_  
“R-robber. Came and shot me, stole some s-stuff. I’m sorry.” His father stuttered out, scaring Luke._

__  
“911, what’s your emergency?” The female voice asked over the line. Luke quickly stumbled out words of his father being hurt and spilled out his address, only able to wait for help to arrive now.  


__  
“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault!” Luke wailed, clutching onto his father’s shirt like a lifeline. The police would come. They’d help his father. It would be okay.  


__  
“Luke, stay strong like I know you are, okay?” his father asked.  


__  
“Father stop. You’re going to be okay. I am strong. But you have to be too.” Luke all but swore out.  


_  
“Luke, I l-love…_

_the word ‘you’ died as did his father right before his eyes._

_“Father?” Luke asked, face growing pale. He noticed the floor was a bit wet and was shocked to see he was involuntarily crying. Sure, no one cried at will, but…he wasn’t even aware it was happening.  
_

__  
“Father! Wake up! Wake up please. You have to wake up! I  need you!” Luke cried, dropping onto his father’s lifeless body.  


__  
“I need you! Y-you’re…you’re the only one who’s ever wanted me.” Luke whispered honestly, his voice speaking the words only a broken boy could.  


__  
“Y-you can’t leave me...you can’t.” Luke sobbed, constantly shaking his father’s body whilst dropped on top of him.  


_  
“P-please father. Please wake up? I’ll never ask for anything ever again. Just please wake up!” Luke said, soft voice growing rugged and bitter and harsh near the end._

_Just then, the door knocked followed by a “This is the police! Open up!”_

__  
“It’s open! Help!” Luke cried, still not leaving his father’s side. He would be okay. The door opened and a number of officers surveyed the scene, checking every room for a robber who couldn’t be found. They eventually came to Luke and Mr. Hemmings and asked Luke to move.  


__  
“No. He needs to wake up first.” Luke insisted blindly.  


__  
“Son, please step aside and let us take care of it.” An officer says, tone all business.  


__  
“No! You don’t understand! No one understands!” Luke wailed out, rage blind as his thoughts.  


__  
“Son, I know it’s hard. Come with me.” A kinder officer offered, stretching his hand out. Luke was tempted. Tempted for any sort of comfort to fill his senses, but he didn’t want it. He couldn’t watch someone else go. Not again. Not ever.  


_  
“No.” He whispered, burying his face in his father’s shirt. That was when the officers pried his body off of his father forcefully despite his shrieks._

__  
“Let me go! Let me go you careless monsters!” he yelled. The officers asked him to calm down, but he wasn’t having it.  


_  
“Let me go let me go let me go! I hate you!” Luke cried and screamed and kicked and pleaded._

_The events after were a blur. He was put in some orphanage and no one would adopt him because of his background. Later, he was transported to another orphanage a few towns away and he was put into a few homes, but none of them were home._

_Everything was **not** okay._

****

“Let. Me. Go.” Luke whispered, eyes clenched shut. “Please.” He asked, voice so emotional, Ashton felt some of the hurt Luke felt somehow.

  
“You’re not okay Luke. And that’s okay.” Ashton assured, rocking the blonde like a little child would like. Luke sniffled, wiping his tears away, but more kept falling despite his best efforts to keep them at bay.

  
“I will never love you.” He burst out, wanting Ashton to let him go.

  
“You can try to anger me all you want. I’m not letting you go.” Ashton promised, wiping a few of Luke’s tears away.

  
“You hurt me.” Luke accuses. 

  
“And you hurt me. We’re even.” Ashton replies softly, pressing a kiss to Luke’s forehead.

  
“You’re fucked up.” Luke says. 

  
“So are you.” Ashton answers. 

  
“You never acted like you liked me.” Luke points out.

  
“Neither did you.” Ashton replies. 

  
“Because I don’t.” Luke insists. Ashton doesn’t answer that. Instead, he continues to rock a boy who didn’t believe in second chances, happiness, or love, but needed all three more than anyone in the world. 

 


	7. chapter 7

“I don’t understand. I just want to know how you can go from treating me like you have been to suddenly liking me?” Luke says, finally giving up and letting himself be rocked by Ashton on some sidewalk.   
  
“That’s a story for another time Luke. Just focus on you right now.” Ashton says soothingly.

  
“No. I want to know now.” Luke demands childishly, pushing way from Ashton enough to look him dead in the eye. Ashton looked like he wanted to convince Luke otherwise some more, but instead, carded his fingers through Luke’s hair gently and pulled the blonde into his chest again.   
  
“I know you’re not going to accept my answer, but it makes sense to me, okay?” Ashton asks rhetorically. When he didn’t receive a reply, he figured he could keep going, so he did. “It happened around three or four years ago. He was a hired boyfriend and I actually fell in love with him. He was sweet and seemed…well like a perfect boyfriend. But I was an idiot and didn’t realize that he was just doing his job. He really broke me Luke. I’m not going to get into details, but he ruined relationships for me for a while. From then, I tried to just be friends with the next hired boyfriends, but they made it clear it was just a job to them or they just wanted my money. You have to understand that the past shaped how I act now. I’m not making excuses, I’m just explaining why I acted like such a jack ass toward you at first.”

 

Luke peeked up at Ashton from where he was huddled and looked perplexed. He didn’t know if he wanted to scream and Ashton for being unnecessarily dramatic because of a few bad experiences or to sympathize with him for choosing to never trust people like the blonde did himself.

 

“What made me so different so as to tell me why you acted this way?” Luke found himself confusedly asking.

  
“You were…insane Luke. You never looked bothered at my words and it pissed me off in the worst way. Why couldn’t you feel pain? It sounds sadistic but it made me envy you. You could handle hurt in a way people can only wish to. And you make it seem so effortless. I guess people just don’t notice how much its broken you inside.” Ashton whispers, pressing a kiss to Luke’s forehead. The blonde pulled away gently this time and pleaded silently for Ashton not to touch him.

 

“I…I may be broken, but I know not to be dumb. I can’t Ashton. We can’t. not after the things you’ve said to me. That was borderline emotional abuse and I…I can’t just look past that. I can’t just let this happen because I’m attracted to you. I couldn’t do that to myself.” Luke says more to himself than Ashton. The drummer frowned, knowing Luke had a point.

 

“I’m sorry I said those things to you. But it takes another’s faults to see your own and I had to see your lack of compassion to notice mine. I…hope if you won’t let me love you, I hope you’ll let me strive to be someone worthy of your love. I want to help you.” Ashton says earnestly.

  
“I can’t.” Luke only replied weakly.

 

“Be my friend Luke. And even that is a cautious friend. You clearly don’t trust people easily and it’s something to be earned, but I guess I’m willing to try and change your mind.” Ashton reasons.

 

 Even Luke could admit Ashton was right about him lacking compassion. The blonde couldn’t remember the last time he cared for another. Well that was a lie. He remembered all too clearly. But that was why he tried to forget. He didn’t think he could promise Ashton even friendship. Not with how fucked up his emotions and pent up depression were.

  
“I…can promise to try to get there.” Luke offers. It’s all he can.  
  
“I’ll take it.” Ashton says with a painful smile. “And we’re not done talking about Harry.” He makes clear. Luke only whimpered, making Ashton gain a strong urge to punch Harry in the face. Whatever that one direction boy did fucked up Luke badly.

  
-

 

“I can’t be the only one seeing this.” Michael says, glancing at the pair on the couch.

  
“You’re not mate. This is unnatural.” Calum says in just as much awe. Luke and Ashton were sitting on the couch, seeming to be okay. Ashton didn’t look like he wanted to slit Luke’s throat, which was a major accomplishment.

 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Ashton mumbles to his bandmates who were still in shock. 

  
“Luke, did you brainwash him?” Michael asks, trying to find some reason as to why Ashton was okay with this ordeal.

 

“Lay off Michael. He’s had a long day.” Ashton says, sounding…protective?

  
“Speaking of, you went off in a rush from the studio. One direction missed you.” Calum says, sitting next to Luke on the couch. Ashton didn’t need to look at Luke to know this wasn’t the best conversation to be having. 

  
“Whatever. They weren’t much to ogle over anyhow.” The drummer says, trying to end it. No such luck.

 

“Really? What do you think Luke?” Michael asked, clearly pressing the issue.

  
“Huh?” The blonde asked, heartrate quickening. 

  
“What do you think of One Direction?” The red-haired boy asked again. 

  
“I wouldn’t know…I never met them, remember?” Luke replies in an obvious tone. Michael squinted his eyes and looked doubtful, but said nothing. Even Calum looked displeased with that answer.

  
“What’s on?” The Kiwi boy asked instead, moving his attention to the TV.

 

“Sonic Boom.” Ashton replied in satisfaction, putting the volume up as Michael took the spot next to him. 

  
“Gilroy says we have to go on another date tomorrow night because of today’s fiasco.” Luke says to Ashton quietly, still slightly guilty for potentially fucking up the job.

  
“Who even are you? Who says the word fiasco in a sentence? You’re too cute.” Ashton giggles, nudging Luke’s shoulder. The blonde didn’t blush or grin like the drummer had expected. Instead, he looked a bit uncomfortable and tittered forcefully. 

  
“Um, how about the Zoo?” Ashton asks, trying to push past the awkward moment he created.

 

“Sure.” Luke agrees easily as always. Ashton frowned and thought for a moment before decided he should go for it and say what was on his mind. 

  
“But is that what you want?” He asks Luke.

  
“Um, sure?” The blonde says, not understanding what Ashton was getting at.

  
“You keep saying sure, but I can’t tell if you actually want to go.” Ashton explains. 

  
“I mean, it’s fine.” The blonde insists.

  
“Luke, I want your opinion. Is that something you would enjoy?” Ashton asks, cradling Luke’s face in his hand carefully. Luke’s breath hitched and his brain ran a mile a second. No one ever really asked him what he wanted per say. It was new…he knew what Ashton was doing, but these things took time.

  
“I…I’m not sure. I’ve never been.” Luke answers as honestly as possible.

 

“Well we’ll go and if you like it there, we’ll stay. If not, we’ll do something else.” Ashton decides. 

  
“Sounds good.” Luke offers.

  
“Seriously, what the fuck is going on.” Michael mumbles, not understanding the situation as well as he should have. Ashton only thumped his friend’s head to make him shut up as Luke sank into the couch in attempts to hide away.

 

-

 

“Come in.” Ashton called when he heard a knock on his door. Michael and Calum barreled in and all but tackled the drummer to the bed frantically. 

  
“Guys, what the fuck?” Ashton groaned, pushing them off. But the two were eager to get something of their chest because they both began rambling nonsense. Ashton could pinpoint the words “waiting for Luke to go to sleep” and “He knows.”

  
“Hold on! One at a time. What happened? Is Luke okay?!” Ashton said, growing panicked.

  
“Luke knows Harry!” They both say together with expectant looks. When Ashton only frowned, they were lost.

 

“I know.” He tells them somberly, wondering how they knew.

  
“Wait…WHAT? How do you know?” Michael asks.

  
“More like how do you two losers know? They told you?” Ashton asks, trying to figure out why the hell they would. Clearly Harry was in the wrong. He just knew he was.

  
“Well Niall kind of accidentally let it slip that he knew him and then they spilled the whole story. How are you not mad at Luke?” Calum asks, crossing his arms.   


“Why would I be mad at Luke?” Ashton muses, also wanting to ask what the whole story was.

  
“Well he kept this from us! He should’ve told us.” Michael points out.

  
“We weren’t exactly the nicest people to him Mikey.” Ashton brings up.

  
“Well still. We had to hear it from them and damn that is one story.” Michael replies, seeming to be lost in thought about it.

  
“Focus Mikey.” Ashton snapped, getting his friend back to reality. 

  
“Right. Sorry. But how do you know?!” Michael asks, growing frantic again.

 

“Calm down dude. Luke told me about it. Well…not in detail. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I knew he knew Harry.” Ashton explains. 

  
“Well do you wanna know what happened or not?” Calum asks. Ashton thought for a moment. More than anything he wished to know…but Luke wouldn’t tell him because he wasn’t ready so clearly, he didn’t want anyone knowing. But, would he ever tell Ashton? He didn’t trust him very much. 

  
“Yeah I wanna know.” Ashton says, feeling guilty at the words, but still speaking them.

 

-

 

Luke held his breath fearfully, waiting for Ashton’s answer as he’d snuck outside his door when he saw Michael and Calum running to it. This was it. He’d know if he could begin to trust Ashton. Surely he’d respect Luke’s wishes and not ask to know. He had to.

 

“Yeah I wanna know.”

 

Luke’s heart almost sank at those words, but the guard he’d spent years building up was too heavy to let that happen. Instead, he frowned and let his arms droop to his side.

 

 Ashton didn’t care. He didn’t respect Luke’s wishes. The blonde forgot that no one did. He was a fool to think Zayn would be his friend forever. A bigger fool to think he could confide in Harry and have him return his affections. And the biggest fool in the world for thinking people deserved second chances and that Ashton could ever be his friend. Trust wasn’t something to earn at this point. It was something to blatantly betray.

 

And he let those thoughts linger in his mind as sleep forced its way into his body and overtook the night, much like Ashton’s betrayal.

 


	8. chapter 8

“Luke, look. That monkey looks kinda like Michael.” Ashton snorted, taking a picture of the animal who was hanging upside down and eating some feed the people had offered it. Luke only offered a bright smile because paps were lingering and watched Ashton snap more pictures of their surroundings. He claimed they would be unforgettable memories. Luke was sure he’d try his very best to forget any memory with Ashton.  
  
“What’s up with you, you’ve been quiet all day. Even in the car you said nothing.” Ashton prods, placing his phone into his pocket for the time being. Pictures were clearly off of his mind now. The two were at the edge of the monkey exhibit now and Ashton felt it was time to bring into light the lack of enthusiasm on the blonde’s part.   
  
“Sorry.” Luke offered, shrugging. He glanced a ways away and spotted a snow cone and really wanted one, but didn’t want to interrupt what would probably be an argument. He wished they would get it over with. It was much too awkward to fight with his fake boyfriend while looking like he was in love. The smiles didn’t match their words and it felt odd.  
  
“I don’t want you to apologize, just explain. What’s up?” Ashton says, placing a hand on Luke’s shoulder. The drummer could tell by the way Luke’s eyes darkened that he didn’t like that.

  
“Nothing. I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep.” Luke lied effortlessly.   
  
“You’re a really good liar Luke.” Ashton said sadly. “The fault is that you do it so much, I can tell by your facial cues.” He continues, crossing his arms. Luke thinned his lips and looked away from Ashton. He was too much like Harry. Only Harry could tell when he was lying. Clearly Luke had a type. Curly hair, bright eyes, and pays-too-much-attention.

  
“Where are we going next?” Luke asks, changing the topic. Hopefully Ashton would let it go.

  
“Answer me Luke.” Ashton sighs, knowing he had to go demanding.

  
“I can’t.” Luke says in a tone that suggests Ashton should very well let this conversation go and not bring it up again.

  
“You promised you’d be my friend. Or that you’d try, but you’re not even doing that anymore. How is that fair? I’m trying to make sure you have a nice time.” Ashton says, angry at first but putting on a more concerned front as he went on.

  
“Well you promised you’d help me earn your trust but I guess we’re both bad at keeping our promises.” Luke shrugs easily. 

  
“What?! When did I betray your trust? We hadn’t talked after the decision to come to the zoo!” Ashton says in exasperation.

  
“Why don’t you ask Michael and Calum? You seem to love getting information about me from them.” Luke says bluntly, glancing at his fingernails to take the heat away from the words, but they still burned into Ashton. The drummer gulped and tugged at the collar of his shirt nervously.

  
“You weren’t meant to know about that.” Ashton says quietly. 

  
“And we weren’t meant to be.” Luke shrugs, moving to head to the next exhibit.

  
“Wait. Don’t be like that Luke.” Ashton sighs, grabbing the blonde’s slender arm in his large hand. He yanked it back, but stayed as Ashton requested.   
  
“I...I shouldn’t have asked Michael and Calum about it. That wasn’t right and I’m sorry.” Ashton apologizes, looking shameful.  
  
“You’re in the right industry because you really sound like a broken record.” Luke smiles. Ashton didn’t like Luke’s smile. It was never earnest. It was always a ‘gotcha’ smile that made Ashton feel like a child being shamed. The comeback more so.

  
“Come on, I stopped them midway. That should count for something, right?” Ashton pleaded, not liking where this was going. He and Luke were finally in a place heading in an okay direction. This mishap was just pushing them back unnecessarily. 

  
“Wait, what?” Luke asked, squinting. 

  
“You didn’t stay to hear what happened next?” Ashton asked, looking surprised.

  
“Excuse me for wanting to escape mortal humiliation.” Luke rolled his eyes. 

  
“Well if you’d stayed, you’d have heard that I stopped them. I knew it wasn’t right and…I do know that you were in love with Harry, but I swear that’s all. I don’t know what happened after that.” Ashton answers honestly. He’d take all the points he could get. He knew it wasn’t right to disregard Luke’s wishes.

  
“Which is what you already knew.” Luke mumbled along, trying to figure out how he felt.

  
“Well, assumed. Now I’ve confirmed it. But still, I’m sorry. But I promise I’m working to earn your trust. You just have to trust-wait that’s redundant. You know what I mean.” Ashton says sheepishly. 

  
“We should go to the next exhibit.” Luke says slowly, still not wanting to let go. He almost had a break down yesterday because of what Ashton had almost done. He couldn’t go through that again. It wasn’t worth it.

  
“It is worth it.” Ashton counters. Luke blinked rapidly. He hadn’t said that aloud, had he?

  
“You didn’t have to. I’ve come to learn that you speak more through your actions and expressions than words. I’m getting good at reading you.” Ashton answers Luke silent question, smiling hopefully. 

  
“I don’t know Ashton. I’m not…I’m exactly friend material.” Luke protests lamely. 

  
“You seriously don’t know what you’re made of.” Ashton chuckles, shoving his hands in his pockets. Luke almost felt something like hope spark up inside him, but ignored it. He shouldn’t-couldn’t be so quick to forgive and hand out second chances. He had to take things slow.

  
“What are you-

 

Luke shut his eyes and Ashton pressed their lips together and pulled him closer. He stopped his question both because Ashton kissed him, and because he knew the answer. Paparazzi had zeroed in on them.  
  
Ashton held Luke like he was made of glass, which the blonde couldn’t _not_ pay attention to. The elder’s large hands gripped Luke’s waist perfectly and held him with just the right amount of pressure. He appreciated the fact that Ashton didn’t try to turn the kiss French because he couldn’t handle that again.

  
“Don’t be quick to hand out your heart, but don’t be just as quick to keep it in. Meet somewhere in the middle.” Ashton whispers, pressing their foreheads together to develop some intimacy. Luke was too busy breathing back to himself. Ashton had left him a bit breathless like last time. He’d never felt this way during a kiss, granted Luke was never attracted so heavily to past lovers. Ashton was alluring in the worst way.

 

“Okay?” Ashton asked in a tone softer than his hair. 

  
“I-I’ll try.” Luke managed to stumble out, feeling complex with emotions and thoughts.

  
“Good. Never stop trying on me.” Ashton says definitively, pressing his nose to Luke’s before beaming and turning to answer some reporters. 

  
Luke watched in awe at how Ashton answered even the most provocative of questions and only majorly tuned in when a reporter zoned in on him. 

  
“Luke Hemmings, Rhonda Lewinsky had inquired you yesterday about your level of feelings for Ashton. Care to explain why you choked up?” She asked, prodding so evidently, it hurt. 

  
“Hey, don’t fluster him.” Ashton says protectively, pulling Luke into his side.

  
“It’s alright love.” Luke says, pressing a kiss to Ashton’s cheek. “I choked up because I wasn’t quite sure how I felt. But when Ash came to my side then and there, I knew. I am in love with him.” Luke gushes, smiling wide when Ashton full on kissed him on the lips for show. The reporters cooed and the flashes of cameras went off rapidly. The past had taught Luke to be prepared, so he wasn’t blinded this time. 

  
“Now if you’ll excuse us, we’d like to get back to our date.” Ashton laughs, dragging Luke to the penguin exhibit. Luke sadly eyed the snow cone cart and let himself be dragged.

  
“That confession was pretty believable.” Ashton teased Luke.

  
“Look, I know you were joking around when you said that just now, but please don’t get the wrong idea about this whole thing. I don’t want to be a jerk like your past ‘boyfriends,’ so I’m telling you that all of what I said and did was straight up acting, okay?” Luke makes clear in as un-rude a fashion he can muster.

 

“Yeah, I know.” Ashton replies, matching Luke’s tone as he took the blonde’s hand in his own. “Now smile and look at the penguins.” He says, nudging Luke to look at the exhibit.

  
“You mean ‘just smile and wave boys. Smile and wave.’” Luke grins, signs of a true smile on his lips. It was small, but it was there.

 

“Was that a reference? A joke? Are you being funny now?” Ashton teases, laughing heartily when Luke smiled a little brighter and rolled his eyes fondly.

  
“I like penguins.” Luke says randomly in the midst of Ashton’s picture spree.

  
“Hm?” Ashton asks, pocketing his phone to give Luke all of his attention. 

  
“On the couch at home. You kept pushing me to say something I liked. I like penguins.” Luke explains, gripping the rail and glancing at the elegance of the flightless bird.

  
“Why’s that?” Ashton asks, mimicking Luke’s pose and watching his watch the animals.

  
“No real reason honestly. It’s just a cool animal I guess. Cool and cute at the same time?” Luke half asks, smiling at the waddling critter.

  
“I think I finally know something about you that no one else knows.” Ashton chuckles fondly. Luke’s smile dropped at those words, unbeknownst to Ashton. What was so bad about having something secretive between friends-er whatever they were.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Ashton tries to fix.

  
“It’s not your fault I have massive trust issues and triggering depression.” Luke jokes weakly. Ashton didn’t have anything to say to that, so he simply glanced at the penguins, trying to gain the feeling he had seconds ago before their moment went to shit. When Luke hesitantly reached for Ashton’s shoulder the drummer’s attention was caught.

 

“I apologize. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean to put a damper on good moods.” Luke says with guilt, fiddling his feet.

  
“I guess you can say we’re pretty _sorry_ friends.” Ashton jokes with exaggerated laughter. Luke narrows his eyes and shakes his head.   
  
“That joke was lame.” Luke says, but his smile shows that he was kind of proud of Ashton for coming up with it. They stood by the penguin exhibit for a while because it was one of the less popular exhibits and they liked being alone together. After a while, Luke spontaneously crushed Ashton in a tight hug with no explanation and felt emotional when Ashton hugged back comfortingly. He held Luke close just like always did when he could tell Luke needed it.

  
“What’s this for?” Ashton asks, not displead. 

  
“I don’t know. You’re kind of cool I guess.” Luke finds himself saying. 

  
“Cool and cute at the same time?” Ashton asks, catching on. 

  
“Buy me a snow cone. I like those too.” Luke smiles, dragging Ashton over to the cart, feeling his heart surfacing a little, but holding back just the slightest bit. He was somewhere in the middle, and that was good enough for now. 


	9. chapter 9

Luke and Ashton sat side by side at their sock, feet swaying in a synchronized rhythm. Luke’s head lay on Ashton’s shoulder and Ashton’s arm was strewn around the blonde sweetly.

 

“It’s late.” Luke voices, eyes baring into the moon, allowing them to sparkle something magnificent.

  
“Nearly midnight.” Ashton agrees, voice happy. Their date today was better than any of the rest by far. Luke had begun to trust him a little more, meaning Ashton was permitted to be even more affectionate. He’d even bought the blonde a bandana to match his own. He couldn’t describe the feeling that formed when Luke immediately tied it in his hair, but it was close to love. In fact, it just might have been. No moment was more pure than the one they were living in right now. 

  
“Paparazzi got some good shots of us.” Luke hums, relishing the summer breeze brought upon them. 

 

“Is any shot of us ever bad?” Ashton jokes, nudging Luke’s side. The blonde giggled a bit and nudged back until they pushed at each other like children. 

  
“Give up already. You’ll never overpower these.” Ashton says haughtily, flexing his muscles for show. Luke shook his head and joked that they were puny. 

  
“Puny? I’ll have you know I knocked the fuck out of someone before.” Ashton brags. 

  
“I’m sure if they tried, they’d have gotten you first.” Luke teases, sticking his tongue out.

 

“Take it back blondie.” Ashton demands, grabbing Luke’s arms and leaning him over the edge of the dock. Luke’s breath hitched, but there was only blissful excitement in his eyes.

 

“If I don’t?” Luke chances.

  
“You really want to find out?” Ashton asks with a smirk. Their faces held so much mirth, impatiently waiting for the other to crack first. 

  
“I’d forgotten what this is like.” Luke says bitter-sweetly, finally losing once Ashton pulled him back. 

  
“Losing?” Ashton teases. 

  
“Having a friend.” Luke corrects with a tiny smile, leaning into Ashton. 

  
“It’s nice opening up to people, isn’t it? Having someone you can trust?” Ashton asks carefully. 

  
“I think it might be.” Luke answers honestly, pressing a kiss to Ashton’s cheek. He hoped it conveyed his feelings through better than his words ever could. Ashton’s stupid smile told him it just might have.

 

-

 

“Soooo when were you guys gonna tell us that you were friends?” Michael asks upon seeing Luke and Ashton curled up on the couch watching Mean Girls.

 

“We didn’t think it was something to announce.” Luke answers sweetly. 

  
“Don’t sass me Lucas.” Michael snaps, but there is a hint of playfulness in his tone that does well to keep Luke’s depression at bay. 

  
“And since when do you watch Mean Girls?” Calum asks, eyeing their movie with distaste.

 

“Well it’s Luke’s favorite movie.” Ashton sputters, feeling a bit embarrassed for the movie choice. Still, he’d watch anything if it meant Luke would cuddle him like so.

  
“Oh, I had no idea.” Calum says with interest. 

  
“Well it wasn’t a secret.” Luke says rather defensively, sounding almost…offended? But why?

  
“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” Ashton insists as Michael and Calum join them on the couch. 

  
“I’m not. I’m just making it clear that it’s not a secret.” Luke reiterates, tangling out of his and Ashton’s cuddle session. The drummer frowned, missing Luke pressed against him. It felt warm and right. He didn’t bother trying to convince Luke otherwise at the moment. It wasn’t the time. 

  
“You alright?” Ashton asks him quietly when Michael and Calum get surprisingly hooked into the movie.

  
“Yeah yeah. Of course. This scene just gets to me.” The blonde answers, gesturing to where Janice throws some sort of paper at Cady. Ashton watches for Luke’s sake and is shocked to find that the picture is of the three friends from the beginning. The way the movie was going, he assumed those side characters would be neglected, not brought back. 

  
“That’s…kind of deep.” Ashton breathes when the scene shifts.

  
“Yeah well Zayn was a shit friend anyway.” Luke mutters, looking down. Ashton frowned, remembering when Luke had mentioned a Zayn earlier. He wasn’t sure if Luke had done it intentionally this time too.

  
“You mean Cady?” Ashton tests. 

  
“Her too.” Luke says, eyes dull.

  
“Want to go talk in private?” Ashton asks the blonde, taking his hand. 

  
“I’d like that.” Luke nods, letting himself be pulled up and dragged into Ashton’s room. 

  
“I like you room. Very…you.” Luke says once he gets a look at the place. There are posters of various bands everywhere and a green lava lamp on his bedside table. It wasn’t lit however.

  
“Thanks. Now c’mon. Talk.” Ashton insists, sitting Luke down on the bed and taking a seat across from him. 

  
“Right. So…before Harry, I had a friend named Zayn.” Luke starts.

 

-

 

“Guys this is wrong. We can’t leave things this way.” Harry says, eyes full of all the guilt in the world.

  
“You seemed to have no problem with that in the past.” Liam says with disapproval. “I’m very very disappointed in you Harry. I don’t even know what to think.” The poor boy hadn’t even known of the childhood affairs until the story was retold in front of Michael and Calum.

  
“Liam it was in the past for a reason! I was young and stupid. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Harry says solemnly. 

  
“Stupid?” Louis asks in anger. “You think we’re stupid?!”

  
“You seemed to think we were bull shit!” Harry fires back, not in the mood for his boyfriend’s judgement. That sentence shut him up real nice for the time being.   


“Feeling bad is the first step mate. What do you reckon we do about it?” Niall asks Harry seriously.

 

“Well obviously we have to meet with that band again, leading us to Luke. Then we apologize to him and try to make amends.” Harry says logically.

 

“Look, what’s done is done. He probably doesn’t even care anymore.” Louis says with an eye roll. The whole thing was much too dramatic in his eyes.

 

“How can you say that Lou?! You’ve seen the pictures he’s in with Ashton Irwin. He’s still a miserable child who had his life torn apart because of stupid children. Children like m-me.” Harry says in shame, looking down. 

  
“What are you trying to say? That he’s hung onto that sadness all these years?” Louis asks with doubt.

  
“Yes Louis. That’s what depression is.” Harry says, getting irritated. 

  
“Haz, depression isn’t _real_. It’s made up illness people use for attention.”

 

…

  
“Are you _mad_?! It’s people like YOU and those who fake it that undermine what it really is! He is going through something intense-has been for over a decade and you have the _balls_ to stand in front of me and act like you had no part in it, let alone claim it doesn’t exist?! Harry shouts, heaving in his anger. Louis visibly flinched and looked afraid. The whole lot of them did. Neither of them had ever seen Harry to angry or frightening in their lives.

  
“H-Harry I didn’t-

 

“No. If you don’t feel bad about it, then stay out of it Louis. _I_ am going to apologize and try to make things right with the lonely boy who put all his trust in me only to lose it for everyone else.” Harry says tear struck. His face was worn out from his mini tantrum and he stood there with his bandmates stricken stares. 

  
“I’m with you Harry. Luke was one of my best mates before. I loved him like a brother.” Niall nods, standing by Harry’s side. 

  
“I still can’t process what you did. I’m out.” Liam says, slight sorrow in his voice. “I can’t look at you the same way anymore.” He says honestly, looking right at a hurt Harry. They all looked to Louis who finally looked more miserable than Luke did.

  
“I…I was jealous okay?! He was hated but he managed to hook you in Haz…” Louis cried. “He had your heart from day one until I snagged you in for myself.” The boy continued.

  
“What are you talking about? You said…you said he was in love with Zayn.” Harry says in confusion.

  
“I…I lied Harry. He was in love with you the whole time. I only said that so you’d move on from him and move onto me.” Louis admitted with tears streaming down his face. 

  
“But…but you…and the day he said he loved me…you said he’d lied…and…” Harry was at a loss for anything. 

  
“If it weren’t for me…you’d be with him. Happy and carefree.” Louis reveals, falling to the floor and bawling. Liam took one look at the scene and left the room. Niall’s jaw nearly hit the floor and Harry’s brain flooded in with a memory Luke remembered all too well, but from his own perspective.

 

_“C’mon. Tell me ONE thing you’ve never told anyone else before.” Harry pleads, feeling relief in telling his own secret. Maybe Luke would trust him more and then…well he’d cross that bridge when it came._

_“Alright. I’ve got a secret. But you can’t tell anyone, yeah?” Luke says carefully. Harry nods instantly, beyond psyched to be told a secret about his closest most trusted friend._

_  
_“I’m not 100% sure, but I’m getting there. I think…I think I might be in love.” Luke blurts. Harry’s heart beat a mile a minute. Could he be…? But it was too cliché. It was too good to be true.__

_“Love?” Harry breathes out, voice louder than he’d anticipated. Luke covers his mouth despite them being the only two in the house. Harry grinned through it because any form of contact between them was well worth it._

  
_“Sorry, but **love**? Are you **sure**?” Harry asks, hope rising. _

_  
_“I said I think I am.” Luke says to weaken the blow of his words. Harry could tell as much.__

  
_“Christ Luke. When did…with who?!” Harry insisted to know. He hoped upon hope that Luke would say it was him._

  
“ _Hey, you said **one** thing. That’s it. Don’t be greedy.” Luke jokes, opening his notebook back up and beginning to write away._

  
_“You’re so unfair Luke. I’ll figure it out one way or another you know.” Harry says with a whine. Maybe it really was him! That would explain Luke’s hesitance, right?!_

_  
_“Yeah you have fun with that Sherlock Harry.” Luke giggles, finishing up his homework. Harry fought not to swoon at that giggle.__

_…_

_“He did?” Louis asked in mild surprise.  
_

__  
“He did! Do you think it’s me Lou?! Do you think he’s in love with me? I mean, why else wouldn’t he tell me?!” Harry asks excitedly.  


__  
“No Haz, don’t get too excited. It could be a number of reasons.” Louis discouraged a little too much in Harry’s opinion.  


__  
“Well like what?” Harry asked.  


__  
“Well…he could know that you like him so he wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Louis lied, but something was off about his tone in Harry’s mind. Ignoring it, he pressed on.  


__  
“What do you mean?”  


__  
“Oh Harry. I didn’t want to tell you, but he’s in love with Zayn.” Louis lied easily, willing to do anything to keep Harry for himself.  


__  
“But…but he hates Zayn. He was a tosser.” Harry sputtered.  


_  
“There’s a fine line between hate and love.” Louis says sympathetically, pulling Harry in for a hug._

_But that wasn’t the real story. Louis had lied right to his face then and there. Luke_ _had_ _been talking about him. Luke was in love with him all those years. He wasn’t lying and just saying it in the spur of the moment…and suddenly Harry’s thoughts were flooded with what_ _could_ _have been._

_“Love?” Harry breathes out, voice louder than he’d anticipated. Luke covers his mouth despite them being the only two in the house. Harry grinned through it because any form of contact between them was well worth it._

  
_“Sorry, but **love**? Are you **sure**?” Harry asks, hope rising. _

_  
_“I said I think I am.” Luke says to weaken the blow of his words. Harry could tell as much.__

  
_“Christ Luke. When did…with who?!” Harry insisted to know. He hoped upon hope that Luke would say it was him._

  
“ _Hey, you said **one** thing. That’s it. Don’t be greedy.” Luke jokes, opening his notebook back up and beginning to write away. _

_But Harry grabbed his arm, making Luke draw a crooked line on his notes.  
_

__  
“Harry, you messed up my perfect notes. You’re going to have to make it up to me.” Luke teased, poking Harry’s cheek with his pen. A small royal blue dot dusted across Harry’s dimples.  


_  
“Tell me Lukey. Who is it?” Harry asks, looking deep into his crush’s eyes with love._

__  
“Wh-who do you think it is?” Luke asks, breath getting heavy. And instead of answering, Harry kissed him, brief and sweet.  


__  
“You…feel the same way?” Luke asked, eyes conflicted.  


_  
“Of course I do. Always have Lukey.” Harry says obviously, tackling Luke down to the bed and stealing another few kisses._

 

But that wasn't what happened no matter how much Harry willed it to be real. All because of his manipulative little boyfriend.

“You…you ruined our happiness!” Harry accuses, tackling Louis down and throwing punches at him mercilessly.

 

-

 

“And that’s how I ended up here.” Luke finishes, telling Ashton everything.

  
“I…can’t imagine what that must have been like Luke. I’m so sorry.” He sympathizes.

  
“Yeah well, now you know why I’m such a basket case.” Luke laughs in an off tone. 

  
“I’m glad you told me Luke. And I won’t tell anyone.” Ashton promises. 

  
“Well it’s not a secret.” Luke makes clear. 

  
“Okay that’s it. What is it with you and secrets?!” Ashton asks in exasperation. 

  
“What?” Luke asks innocently.

  
“You know exactly what I mean little miss perfect goldilocks. Why are you so intent on never telling me a secret?” Ashton asks, slightly hurt. Luke looks down and then sighs, reaching for one of Ashton’s hands. 

  
“I’m sorry Ash. It’s just…last time I told someone a secret, it kind of ruined my life.” Luke admits. 

  
“I’m not going to hurt you Luke. I swear it.” Ashton says, giving Luke’s hand a reassuring squeeze. 

  
“I know that now. Or at least I think I do.” Luke tells him, vulnerable and honest. 

  
“Then tell me a secret. Something so small and insignificant. Like a training wheels secret.” Ashton says, chuckling when Luke titters a little at the prospect.

  
“Alright.” Luke agrees, tapping his chin in thought. He racked his brain in for a secret and finally came up with the perfect test run. 

  
“I came all the way here because I heard my mother resided here.”

 

Ashton’s mind flooded in with more questions than ever.

 


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, i'm sorry that this story has gone majorly downhill, but classes started up again and I've barely any time to write and I didn't want to just leave this story hanging. Anyway, thanks to anyone even reading this and sorry again about the shitty quality this story has become.

“You’re mother lives here?!” Ashton asks, confused. Luke said his mother left him when he was born. How could he know where she is or what her name is?  
  
“This is where I managed to track her down anyway.” Luke shrugs. Ashton reaches for his hand and feels elated when Luke didn’t pull away.

  
“How did you find her?” he asked the blonde who seemed to contemplate whether he wanted to relay the information or not.  
  
“When I was younger, I had asked my dad for her name. I just looked her up constantly, asked anyone I met about her, called PIs. I had to find her. After my dad died, I went to a dark place I couldn’t come back from. A good friend of mine helped me through that and suggested that finding my mother could ease my pain a bit. Maybe give some closure?” Luke said, looking to see if Ashton thought he was out of his element. The drummer caught on and gave Luke’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

 

“I think it’s great that you want to see her. Maybe she can explain why she left.” Ashton says encouragingly, hoping he sounded supportive enough. But Luke then yanked his hand away and shook his head.

  
“I don’t want answers. I just want to know what kind of life she has. If it’s good, I’ll know she doesn’t think about me at all and if it’s bad, well that’s on her.” Luke says firmly. 

  
“I won’t tell you what to do, but I just think it would be good to find _some_ answers. Don’t you want to know why?” Ashton asks carefully. 

  
“No.” Luke says, voice rising. 

  
“But Luke, what if she regrets it? You’ll never know why-

 

“I know why! She didn’t want me Ashton! I don’t need to hear that again.” Luke shouts, losing volume as he went on, looking down. Ashton didn’t wince, somewhat expecting that reaction. In fact, in a way, he loved it. Luke was finally letting walls down and showing him how he really felt. This was progress. 

  
“I understand that you’re upset honey, but please don’t make a rash decision you may regret later on in life. I’m not saying to change your mind off the bat. Maybe just consider it?” Ashton tried soothing, placing a comforting hand on Luke’s leg. The blonde seemed a bit thrown off by the pet name, but didn’t comment on it. Instead, his eyes appeared worn out and he glanced down at his hands.

  
“How could you possibly understand? The person who gave birth to me didn’t want. Why would anyone else?” Luke asked, eyes watering.

  
“Your father wanted you Luke. That’s not something everyone can say.” Ashton admits, hitting his own sore spot. Luke blinked and suddenly remembered the first fake date they’d gone on. He’d accidentally triggered Ashton’s anger by bringing up his father. Apparently, he’d left.

  
“How old were you?” Luke found himself asking, feeling bad for forgetting about it.

  
“Almost 6.” Ashton answers with a sad smile.

  
“Do you remember him?” Luke asked, eyes wide with curiosity, comfort in the fact that Ashton somehow understood.

  
“Come to think of it…” Ashton trailed off, recalling the night he sometimes found himself dwelling on late at night.

 

_Ashton tiptoed downstairs as quietly as possible as he wasn’t allowed to be up this late but he’d recorded a really good episode and just had to know what happened next. Ever since he’d heard about recording things on the DVR, he’d been sneaking down, sometimes Lauren half asleep with him on the couch._

  
_When Ashton crept near the living room, he heard muffled loud voices from his parents room and squinted in confusion. The five year old pattered his way to the door and pressed his ear against it, only catching a few words here and there._

_“We should try…for the kids.”_

  
_“I don’t…you here.”_

  
_“Well this…about you.”_

_“Just leave...packed already.”_

  
_“They’ll ask questions.”_

  
_Ashton furrowed his eyebrows. Was someone going somewhere? What was happening? Fearful that the door might open at any moment because there were more and more pauses, Ashton raced to the kitchen and hid behind a counter. Good timing too because it was right when Ashton hid that the door opened, and tension filled the air. Ashton shivered from the intensity, but stayed quiet._

_“If that’s how you feel, I **will** leave.” Ashton’s dad said angrily._

  
_“Do not pin this on me. You’re never-_

  
_“You’ve already said all you needed to say. I’m gone.” Ashton’s dad interrupted, causing Anne to suck in her cheeks._

  
_“You won’t say goodbye to the kids?” She asked him, voice sorrowful._

  
_“Without getting to explain why I have to go? No thank you Anne. You’ve asked enough of me.” Ashton’s dad said with finality. Ashton heard the door close again and his mother’s voice vanished. She wasn’t going to say goodbye to him? Where was he even going?_

  
_Ashton peeked out and saw his dad look toward the stairs, a hard look on his face. He watched as the man took one step up and then shook his head, turning around and heading toward the front door. Ashton dashed after him but stopped when his father did. Blinking, Ashton wasn’t sure if he wanted his dad to see him or not._

  
_“Ash. I…I’m sorry.” His father spoke, back still facing Ashton. The boy widened his eyes. His father knew it was him even though he didn’t see? Ashton didn’t say anything but watched silently as his father took his suitcase and disappeared into the night. And if the boy watched his father walk on from the window with tears, well no one had to know._

“You saw him when he was leaving?” Luke asks, shocked. Ashton nodded slowly. 

  
“I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Every time I’d try asking about why he left, my mom just froze up and did everything in her power to make sure he stayed hidden. I’ve never heard from him since.” Ashton reveals. 

  
“I…had no idea. I’m sorry Ash.” Luke offers, placing a hand on Ashton’s shoulder. The drummer smiled gratefully.

  
“So I take it that you’ll consider what I said about your mother?” 

  
“I will. And Ash, thanks for being a good friend.” Luke said sweetly, pressing a kiss to Ashton’s cheek. Ashton tried to ignore how much the skin burned from the action, but Luke just had too much of an effect on him.

 

-

 

“I’m going to find him and set the record straight. Let me go Louis.” Harry said, yanking his arm out of his ex’s hold.

 

“No Harry. This will be terrible press. Our band could be in jeopardy. You’re willing to risk that for Luke Hemmings?!” Louis yelled out.

  
“For fuck’s sake Louis. Screw the band and the press. This is a real person with real feelings! I won’t let him live knowing this lie any longer!” Harry said in anger, brusting out the door. 

  
“Louis, he’s right. You can’t expect the band to trump Luke’s life. He’s important to Harry. He was a good friend to us and we treated him like shit.” Niall said pointedly. 

  
“No. Louis treated him like shit. You didn’t do anything Niall. Neither did Harry.” Liam chimes in, still not talking to Louis.

  
“Harry believed Louis in a heartbeat. That kind of shows how much he trusted Luke, doesn’t it?” Niall asked, not trying to be rude, but honest. Best friends are supposed to have each other’s backs and it didn’t seem like Harry had Luke’s in that situation. 

  
“You lot don’t know what you’re talking about.” Louis mumbled, stubborn as always.

 

-

 

“I have to go into the city for a few things and I know you said you wanted to see your mom today. Want to go together? Just into the city. I won’t go with you to see your mum if you don’t want.” Ashton offered, trying not to impose. Luke smiled at his efforts.

  
“I’d like that. We can walk and I’ll drop you wherever you need to go and head to the shop where my mum is supposed to be.” Luke agrees easily. Ashton smiled at him and they both just stood there and smiled at each other for a while until Michael walked in and eyed them weirdly.

  
“Are you two-

  
“I was just going to change.” Luke said quickly, racing upstairs. 

  
“Ash. What’s going on?” The redhead asked.

  
“Nothing. We’re just going to the city for some publicity and he was going to get into something more presentable. That’s all.” Ashton shrugged. 

  
“You’re not falling for him, are you? You can’t do this again Ash.” Michael groaned. The drummer glared and fought his inner feelings, not wanting to admit Michael had a point. 

  
“Don’t worry. Even if I was, he doesn’t feel the same way, so I’d never say anything. Not is that all? I want to grab a hoodie. It’s cold outside.” Ashton says with an eye roll, rushing up the steps. Michael watched as he did so wearily.

 

…

 

“You ready?” Ashton asks, knocking on Luke’s door. The blonde swung the door open and Ashton tried not to stare, but Luke was wearing sinfully skintight black jeans and…was that-

  
“Is that my shirt?” Ashton asked with a gulp. The blonde looked down and blinked in realization. 

  
“It is. I must have grabbed yours by mistake from the bathroom. I’m sorry, it looks so much like mine and I didn’t notice it was a size up.” Luke apologizes, moving to swap the shirts, but Ashton grabbed him back and shook his head. 

  
“Er, no. Keep it on. It’ll be good for publicity. Paparazzi eat that stuff up you know.” Ashton chuckles, albeit a bit awkwardly. 

  
“Well, okay. If you’re sure.” Luke says, but he sounded quite unsure to Ashton. 

  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Ashton insists.

  
“No no I don’t mind. I just didn’t want you to feel weird is all.” Luke explains, closing the door as they head out.

 

…

 

“What do you need from here?” Luke asks, seeing as they’re in front of a jewelry store.

  
“For me to know and you to _not_ know.” Ashton winks, bidding him good bye and heading inside cryptically. Luke wanted to spy on him for a bit just because, but knew he had to get the thing with his mom sorted out sooner or later and began walking toward the left end of the block. Before he could locate the store, someone saying his name distracted him.

 

“Luke wait!” Harry shouted out. Luke felt his whole body shudder from that voice alone. Sure he’d heard it on radios and TVs, but in person it was something else. It was a reminder of Luke’s darkest times.

  
“You.” Luke said monotonously, not pleased with the popstar’s presence. He suddenly wished Ashton were here. Surely he’d be able to scare Harry off. 

  
“Luke, I know I’m the last person you want to hear from minus Zayn, but you need to know something.” Harry insisted, tone desperate. Luke pretended to check his watch and shrugged. 

  
“Can you speed it up? I have someplace to be and I don’t really need to be wasting my time talking to you.” Luke says calmly, grateful his voice isn’t wavering. Harry frowned, looking hesitant. 

  
“I know you hate me Luke. And I don’t blame you, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I made you feel the way I did. I’m sorry that I can’t change the past, but I loved you too. Back when you told me you loved someone and didn’t tell me who, I had hoped it was me. Some fantasy part of me thought maybe my dreams could come true. That I could be a famous singer and you could be a roadie with me. But when I talked to Louis about it, he said you loved Zayn and I was heartbroken and he manipulated me Luke! And then at the X factor auditions when you said you loved me, he convinced me that you were just saying that because you thought I’d be famous. If it wasn’t for him, we would be together Luke. Happy.” Harry blurted, vulnerable. Luke listened to the whole speech and didn’t know how to feel. 

  
“That…that’s bull shit Harry. How could you believe Louis when he said I had a crush on Zayn? He hated me and I hated him. You should’ve known better.” Luke finally said, not melting into what Harry was dishing out.

  
“Please Luke you have to believe me. I loved you like I’ve never loved anyone. You were there for me. You supported me when everyone else said my head was in the clouds. You were my best friend.” Harry pleaded.

  
“And you tossed that all away for random accusations from someone who you knew didn’t like me. Harry, if you told me all this years ago, I would’ve jumped into your arms because I was an idiot. But I know better now. And I deserve better than you.” Luke tells him flat out.

  
“Like Ashton Irwin?” Harry asks, now growing upset and angry. “Look, I don’t know how much he’s told you about himself, but he’s a loose cannon. He can blow a fuse at any given moment and we both know you don’t deserve that. I don’t even know if you can handle it. Please don’t make this mistake.” Harry begged.

 

“I know he has anger problems. See that’s where you and I are different Harry. You see or hear a flaw in someone and automatically assume the worst. I know Ashton personally. I know him well enough to make my own judgements about him.” Luke says with crossed arms. 

  
“You don’t care that we loved each other? You’re acting like that means nothing. You’re being a coward Luke. Why can’t you just admit we should try?!” Harry asks, sounding broken. 

  
“Because you broke my heart you jerk! You can’t just come back, say a few words, and expect everything to be okay! Luke shouted, mentally cursing himself. Ashton was making him too vulnerable. Now he was showing emotions to others. That couldn’t be good. Harry looked guilty and then breathed in, stepped forward and pressed his lips to Luke’s, holding him firm. The blonde’s first instinct was to pull away, but Harry held him tightly and honestly, Luke had been wondering what this would feel like since he met he boy.

 

Luke slowly kissed back, experimentally and Harry moaned at the reaction he was getting. But when the curly haired singer tried to deepen the kiss, Luke finally found an opening to pull away. And he did, hard. 

  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Luke asked, pissed. 

  
“You kissed back. Oh come on Luke. I know you felt it too. We don’t have to fight this anymore. We can finally be together.” Harry said.

  
“Only because you didn’t let me pull away the first time. Leave me alone Harry. You may love me, but I love **d** you. As in, I don’t anymore.” Luke says honestly. It had taken him a full year to get over Harry. He wouldn’t be sucked back in, no matter what the past said.

 

“You know you felt it.” Harry called after him. Luke ignored him. Neither boy saw the paparazzi freaking out in their wake, cameras hanging loosely around their necks. 

 


	11. chapter 11

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Everything alright? She wasn’t that bad, was she?” Ashton asks, meeting up with Luke who was waiting outside of the jewelry shop patiently. Luke looked up, startled a bit and suddenly realizing the consequences of Harry’s actions. What would happen to them now?  


“Uh, I actually didn’t go see her.” Luke says wearily, mentally breaking down. Everything was ruined. Ashton wouldn’t trust him or try to understand. Should he even tell him or just wait until Harry tried to sabotage him?

  
“Oh honey why not? You’re not ready?” Ashton asks, placing a comforting hand on the blonde’s shoulder. Luke frowned at him and bit his lip.

  
“Can we go home? I need to talk to you.” Luke asks in a begging tone. Ashton’s face grows concerned and he nods instantly, taking the blonde’s hand and leading him to the house, scared he might fall in a panic.  
  
…

 

Luke just sat on the couch with his legs up and huddled up to himself, head buried inside. He couldn’t even look at Ashton. Sure, he didn’t love him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to hurt Ashton. The drummer made it clear he had feelings for the blonde and he went as kissed Harry. Well no, Harry kissed _him_ , but he didn’t want it to happen.

 

“Luke, you haven’t said a word since we came back. What’s wrong?” Ashton asks from beside him, not wanting to pressure him. It didn’t mean he didn’t worry however.

  
“You’re going to hate me Ash.” Luke says brokenly, miserable because he was starting to get used to having a friend again. He couldn’t lose Ashton. Not the way he lost Zayn, Harry, and Niall. He couldn’t go through it again. He _couldn’t_.

  
“I don’t think that’s possible Lukey.” Ashton chuckles a bit. “I might be upset, but I won’t leave you. I promise.” Ashton says honestly. And he might even mean it now, but Luke knew when the truth came out, Ashton would fly away in a heartbeat. Or force Luke to at least.

  
Nevertheless, Luke propped his head out and looked at Ashton with sheer sadness. His mouth opened, but all that came out was a sigh and deeper frown. 

  
“Luke, tell me. I promise it’ll be okay.” Ashton insists, reaching for the blonde and holding him close. Tears slowly streamed down Luke’s face and he sniffed to try to pull himself together to blurt out that-

  
“I ran into Harry. He…tried to tell me that Louis ruined our chance to be happy in the past and that I should be with him now. When I told him I wasn’t interested…he kissed me and tried to change my mind, but…I pushed him and ran away.” Luke says with shame, eyes shut. He waited for Ashton’s to shove him away and yell at him to leave, but…he didn’t. The drummer’s arms tensed around Luke for a moment before they relaxed, then fell limp.

 

“He kissed you on the lips?” Ashton asked, sounding hurt. Luke didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to hurt Ashton either. It was a lose-lose situation. He just nodded slowly, meeting Ashton’s gaze. He looked pissed and heartbroken and Luke felt guilt creep into him because he caused it.

 

  
“I’m sorry Ashton, I swear I didn’t-

 

“I’m not mad at you. I could never blame you for this. It’s not your fault.” Ashton says immediately, pulling Luke even closer and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Luke was pleasantly shocked. Ashton…wasn’t mad at him?

 

“I am however, going to beat the shit out of Harry.” Ashton growled, tightening his hold around Luke possessively. Luke couldn’t even bring himself to talk sense into Ashton. He was much too high on the fact that Ashton listened and wasn’t mad. He…took Luke’s side without skipping a beat. Luke…wasn’t used to that.

  
When Ashton got up off the couch however, Luke realized he should stop him. 

  
“Where do you think you’re going?” Luke asked, racing after the older boy and grabbing onto his arm. Ashton shrugged his arm away and rose an eyebrow like he wondered why Luke even had to ask.

  
“I’m going to teach Harry Styles a lesson of course. He can’t kiss you like that. I don’t care how famous he is.” Ashton says with gritted teeth. 

  
“Ashton, you can’t do that!” Luke cried out, trying to stop him from leaving.  


“Let me go Luke. He deserves what’s coming to him. If he thinks he can have whoever he wants, then he’s _wrong_.” Ashton says with malice, fire in his eyes. 

  
“Ashton I know you’re mad, but you can’t do that! He’s too famous and you good get insanely bad publicity for this! It could ruin your career if the public hears about it!” Luke tried to reason, but Ashton was too angry to pay heed to common sense.

  
“So he’s bloody famous. So what? He can go around kissing you all he wants with no consequences?!” Ashton shouts back. Luke racks his brain to find a way to stop the angry drummer, but is coming up short.

  
“He won’t kiss me again.” Luke says.

  
“How do you know that?! You let him do it once already!” Ashton retorts, shutting his eyes with regret when he realizes what he just said. Luke looked down and bit his lip, unsure of what to reply to that.

  
  
“I didn’t mean that Luke. I’m just pissed he thinks he can kiss you when he thinks you’re with me. I know you didn’t let him.” Ashton apologizes, cradling Luke’s face in his hand. The blonde nods, knowing Ashon didn’t mean it.

  
“Please don’t do this.” He whispers, pleading.

  
“I have to. I’m sorry Luke, but I’m not letting him get away with this.” Ashton says simply, moving the blonde aside to head out the door. Luke bit his lip before following behind Ashton, confident he might be able to change his mind before something really, really bad could happen.

 

…

 

“Ashton will you please wait up!” Luke called, panting a ways behind the older boy. Ashton ignored him and knocked mercilessly on the door to house One Direction was staying at. Eventually, Louis opened the door and squinted at Ashton, clearly trying to remember who he was. 

  
“Ah, the 5 seconds of whatever drummer. What do you want?” Louis asks, not welcoming. Ashton brushed past him and angrily scouted out to find Harry. Louis called out a “hey!” and raced after him, leaving the door open. When Luke caught up and saw the door was open, he halted. Seeing Harry by himself was scarring enough. Could he really face the other ex friends that rejected him at his worst? He heard massive shouted and decided his feelings of uncertainty would have to be put on hold before Ashton very well killed Harry. Those muscles could handle four small boyband boys with no problem.

 

Luke rushed into the main room to see Harry on the floor with a nasty bruising eye, Ashton looking like he was just warming up, and Louis trying to tug him away from Harry.

  
“Harry! Are you alright?” Luke asks, rushing over to the boy who had been freshly punched. 

  
“You told him?” Harry asks, sounding betrayed. 

  
“Of course he told me you filthy cheater! I’m his fucking boyfriend!” Ashton said, blind with rage.

 

“You really don’t love me anymore.” Harry says to Luke, green eyes downcast. Luke bit his lip and didn’t answer, not knowing what to say.

  
“No, he doesn’t.” Ashton says with hatred.

  
“I was talking to Luke!” Harry shouts, glaring at Ashton who looked about ready to murder the teen heartthrob. 

  
“Ashton, don’t. you’ve done enough to him already!” Luke snaps, angry with this whole situation. 

  
“Then tell him you don’t love him so he can leave you alone.” Ashton demands. Harry looks at Luke expectantly whose breath is caught in his throat.

  
“I…”

  
“I knew you still had feelings for me! You can’t say you don’t.” Harry says with hope. Ashton shoves out of Louis’ hold and looks at Luke with utter heartbreak. Luke wants to scream no! wants to escape this scenario. Wants to go back when things were simpler, but they weren’t. this was his life and Ashton had left the house without a word to him. 

  
“You do love me.” Harry says with compassion in his voice, getting up to walk near Luke, but the blonde steps back, holding a hand out. 

  
“I don’t love you Harry. Maybe there’s a small part of me that wonders what our lives could’ve been like if you believed in me and trusted me over Louis, but that opportunity is gone. You don’t get to get me back. You had all of me, but threw me out the second things got blurry. I need and want someone who is there for me at my worst, not just my best. Good bye.” Luke says clearly, rushing out to find the only guy worth his time. He didn’t want to see anyone’s reaction. He simply left and ran as fast as he could to find Ashton. He wasn’t that far ahead, thank god.

  
“Ashton wait up!” Luke called, relieved when the drummer stopped for him. When he turned around however, his eyes were bloodshot, and Luke’s guilt nearly consumed him.

  
“Ashton, I don’t love him. I told him as much. It’s not him. It’s you.” Luke breaths earnestly, looking into the drummer’s warm hazel eyes that seemed skeptical still.

  
“But you said you didn’t like me-

  
“I was scared and hurt because you’d been so cold and cruel toward me, but I do like you Ashton. And I trust you now. So please, tell me you still feel the same and that Harry hasn’t ruined my life again?” Luke begs. Ashton shakes his head, cups Luke’s face in both his hands and presses their lips together in a kiss that had a long time coming.

  
They stayed lip locked for a good ten seconds before pulling apart, both deeply affected by the intensity of such an innocent kiss.

  
“I think that means yes?” Luke asks breathlessly.

 

“Yes you loser. It means yes. I’m in love with you.” Ashton admits, kissing the blonde again. He then kisses Luke’s forehead, cheeks, nose, and everywhere else while Luke giggles for him to stop.

  
“I’m glad you chose me.” Ashton says gratefully. 

  
“Well you were willing to beat someone up for kissing me. That’s true love right there.” Luke teases, grinning when Ashton held his hand as they walked back to the hose.

 

…

 

The pair opened the door to the mansion and were surprised to see Gilroy there with a less than pleased expression. 

  
“Gilroy, what are you doing here?” Ashton asks, closing the door and leading Luke into the living room where Gilroy sat. 

  
“Luke, your contract is up. You’re fired effective immediately and have to publicly be dumped by Ashton in the next thirty minutes.”

 

Luke didn’t think his heart could break any more, but it nearly shattered at those words.

 

 what?


	12. Chapter 12

“What are you on about?” Ashton asks, groaning. Things were finally in a decent place. The last thing they needed was Gilroy dropping a bomb like this. Luke had confessed! He was finally starting to get out of his bubble and now this?

  
“Luke, this is a very serious matter. I’m afraid the situation is out of my hands. Management tried to look at it from all different angles, but this is the only solution.” Gilroy says, assuming the blonde would understand what he was referring to.

  
“What situation? What did I do?!” Luke asked, heart palpitating with each agonizing thought that entered his mind. They all plagued his feelings and ended with Ashton leaving him.

  
“That little kiss you and Harry shared got leaked to the media somehow. It’s going to be all anyone is talking about for the next _month_ possibly. You need to break up. Ashton can’t be dating a cheater.” Gilroy explains flatly, expression unamused. He scratched the back of his head and sighed when seeing how distraught Luke seemed.

  
“But…but I didn’t cheat! That’s not what happened.” Luke sputtered, words somewhat failing.

  
“Details like that don’t matter to the press. You two will need to break up. Ashton needs to look angry about it so they know he’s not going to put up with cheating.” Gilroy continues, swiping away at his phone, no doubt scheduling another meeting.

  
“I don’t want to break up with Luke.” Ashton says firmly, not liking this conversation and what it was doing to Luke.

  
“Ashton, he cheated. It doesn’t matter what you want. You _have_ to break up with Luke.” Gilroy says patiently. 

  
“He said he didn’t cheat.” Ashton fires back, anger rising.

 

“Ashton he’s a paid actor. It wouldn’t be hard to lie about it. The fact of the matter is that there is proof.” Gilroy says, rubbing his forehead. Luke seemed to be going into his shutdown mode again. Ashton could see it and wanted to comfort him, but knew Gilroy had to be dealt with first. It did pain the drummer to see that Luke still didn’t have full faith in him, but that issue would have to wait.

  
“He wouldn’t lie to me. I believe Luke.” Ashton says with determination. Luke tried to pipe up at those words, but Gilroy’s decision would win out in the end. They’d have to break up.

  
“Ashton, I think you need to take a look at the facts rather than what you want to believe. Here.” Gilroy says with a shake of his head, handing Ashton his phone. The curly haired boy rolled his eyes, but did as instructed and nearly marched down to the One Direction house to beat Harry again. There his Luke was, lip locked with that teenage pop wannabe. But what really caught Ashton’s eye was that Luke was kissing back. He seemed…willing. That couldn’t be right.

  
“This is photo shopped.” Ashton decides immediately. Gilroy looked sympathetic toward Ashton while Luke frowned balefully at the floor.

  
“Luke. Tell him.” Gilroy demands, tone all business.

  
“I…Just break up with Ashton.” Luke says somberly. The blonde’s tone was as dead as it was the night he’d asked Ashton to share his feelings. It seemed so long ago.

  
“Luke, you need to stop! Stop depressing your way out of life! Fight for what you want! If you really want me, explain this picture! Stop telling me to give up and stop giving up yourself! You need to grow that backbone you’ve been hiding behind and be a man! Now tell me the truth! I’ll believe what you say if you just try and explain!” Ashton shouts, fists clenched. He was sick and done with Luke just assuming the worst. Trust was earned and Ashton sure as hell earned Luke’s. he wasn’t going down without a fight and wasn’t going to let Luke either.  
 

The blonde blinked, processing those words. He’d never been told to fight. He’d been told to absorb and let go. Fighting back? That was never an option. His father tended to want him to avoid conflict. Maybe…maybe it was time for Luke to move on from his father’s way of dealing with things and make his own way that combined what Ashton was saying with what his father taught.

  
“I…it…I did kiss Harry back. For a split second. But only because I was caught up in the past. Harry was all I’d ever known about true friendship…or what I thought I knew. He was my first love interest. The feeling on him seemed…surreal. But the second I snapped back to reality, my thoughts ran to you Ash. I thought about how much you listened to me. How much you cared. How much you actually wanted me, and I felt adrenaline and then pushed him away because I knew it wasn’t right. He and me aren’t right. You’re the only one that lets me feel like I belong. Like it’s okay for me to…to want.” Luke breathes, sheet honesty being poured out of him like a fresh spring. Once he’d started, he couldn’t stop. Ashton made him want to speak forever. And Ashton looked proud. He looked like Luke passed some test he didn’t know he signed up for. 

  
“I knew it. I knew you’d come over your fear of being rejected. I’ll always be here for you Luke. You just have to believe I will be.” Ashton says, pulling the blonde in for a crushing hug. Luke melted in his hold and hung on for dear life. The two stayed embraced for a few minutes before someone clearing their throat took them away of each other. They both pulled away to see Gilroy, not happy.

  
“As touching as that was, it doesn’t change a thing about my decision. You two will still stage a breakup. Ashton simply can’t date a cheater.” Gilroy emphasizes.

  
“We can go on a talk show and explain what really happened. Harry will get bad publicity, but he deserves it.” Ashton says with hatred for the teen popstar.

  
“Ashton, I admire your loyalty to Luke here, but you can’t do that. One Direction is the top trending band in the world right now. They’re too big a name for you to bash like that. Dedicated fans will give 5 Seconds of Summer backlash like nobody’s business. For the last time, you and Luke _will_ break up. That’s that.” Gilroy says, patience wearing thin.

  
“You can’t break us up!” Ashton shouts, reaching for Luke’s hand. The touch instantly soothed him, but the anger was still lingering.

  
“I can, and I will. It’s my job to make sure you do _your_ job. Break up with Luke or your contract is up and 5 Seconds of Summer becomes a duo.” Gilroy threatens, patience long gone. Luke gasped and took his hand away from Ashton. The drummer looked ready to kill someone and Luke didn’t know how to stop him.

  
“Ashton, calm down. You can’t risk that. We…we need to break up. You can’t gamble with your passion. Your _career_.” Luke says, voice hard. His words didn’t match his tone.

  
“Luke don’t be stupid. I’m not breaking up with you.” Ashton says, pissed.

  
“Well then I quit! That way we _have_ to break up. I’m not letting you choose me over your career. That’s not fair.” Luke says with finality, tears threatening to surface. He didn’t want to leave Ashton, but he couldn’t let the drummer make a poor life altering choice on his behalf.

  
“That’s not up to you!” Ashton screams, sounding one sentence away from breaking.

  
“It is. And I quit, so prepare yourself. We break up at sunset. Downtown so all the paparazzi will get it and you can get your life back.” Luke says, finally fighting for what he thought was right. He may have loved Ashton, but he couldn’t ask him to give up his passion for him. He may as well loved him too much.

 

“I hate you!”

 

Luke’s heart faltered. Ashton may have been saying that to Gilroy, but Luke could feel that some of it traveled to him. Ashton was too mad to see this was the only way. Someday he’d understand and appreciate what Luke was doing, but for now, he watched as the drummer stormed into his room and slammed the door so loud, he winced.

 

“You’re doing the right thing kid.” Gilroy says, sounding apologetic. Luke was surprised. He thought Gilroy assumed he cheated.

  
“I thought-

 

“I don’t want you and Ashton miserable Luke. I actually like you a lot. But I can’t let Ashton’s reputation be in jeopardy over this. I’m glad you understand. Don’t worry. I’ll pay you soundly for this.” Gilroy promises, taking his leave.

 

‘But I don’t want money…I want Ash.’


	13. chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit goes down

Luke sat across from Ashton on the bench downtown with a frown. The drummer wouldn’t even look at him. It was as if something broke inside of him and even acknowledging the blonde would crush him.

 

“You’re really not going to say anything Ash?” Luke asked hopelessly. He didn’t think saying anything would fix the problem, but not saying anything wouldn’t either. He didn’t want their last moments to be spiteful.

  
“What is there to say Luke? You don’t want me so here we are. I’m just trying to make you happy.” Ashton says, last sentence dripping with false sincerity. Luke shook his head, scooting closer to the drummer. He took the fact that Ashton didn’t push him away as a good sign. 

  
“You know that’s not why I’m doing this. Ashton, I’m doing something I don’t want to make someone I care about happy.” Luke tells him.

  
“Do I look happy to you Luke?” Ashton asks, finally turning to face the blonde. Luke wanted to cuddle up into him. the drummer’s eyes were two minutes short of bloodshot. But it wasn’t fair to Luke for him to show it. Both boys knew that.

 

“Do you think _I_ am Ash? Do you think I want to leave you? You think I want to say goodbye to the first thing that made me happy since my father died?” Luke asks, tone staying steady. He had to be strong for Ashton. The last thing they needed was for the press to see them crying in each other’s arms. It was only a matter of minutes until their breakup was to go down.

 

Ashton shut his eyes and slowly shook his head. “I know you don’t. And I know you don’t really want to break up. But…but that doesn’t make me hate this any less. Harry better hope I never see him again, because if I do-

 

“Please don’t finish that sentence. I have more reason to hate Harry than anybody. But I hate what he does to you. He makes you lose control and it scares me. Promise me you won’t do anything rash because of this.” Luke pleads, cutting him off. Ashton still seemed pissed and wanted to bash Harry some more, but saw Luke’s desperation and kept quiet. 

  
“Gilroy told you what to say, yeah?” Luke asks, biting his lip.

  
“Yeah. And Luke, just know that when I say it, I don’t mean it in the slightest. I’ll really be meaning that I love you. I love your strength in dealing with things that could mentally scar people. I love your confidence even though it wavers here and there. I love that you’ve grown so much in the few months I’ve known you. And I love that you learned to trust me and love me.” Ashton declares just as the press begin zeroing in. Luke nearly ran tears at those words, but knew he’d have to hold them in until Ashton’s cue was given.

 

It was ShowTime.

 

“Luke that’s it! We’re through!” Ashton yelled, shifting gears. Luke’s brain prepped for his line.

 

“Ash, it’s not what it looks like, calm down.” The blonde acquiesces, trying to reach for the drummer’s hand. 

  
“So you didn’t kiss Harry Styles when you said you were out getting us lunch?!” Ashton asks in disbelief, anger radiating his aura. It was at this moment the flashes went off and the question began pouring in from various reporters.

  
“Is it true then Luke? You kissed Harry Styles?”

  
“Are you and Harry in a secret relationship Luke?”

  
“Do you deny that you cheated on Ashton?”

  
“Does Harry know that you’re a cheater?”

  
That last one hurt Luke like the others didn’t. They just assumed he was a cheater straight like that? However, there was no time to be upset. He had a job to finish. 

  
“Well? Tell them Luke.” Ashton says, eyes narrowed. Those eyes may have seemed lethal to the press, but deep inside, Luke could see guilt. Ashton didn’t want to say any of this to him as much as Luke didn’t want him to. But the blonde had made a decision. He couldn’t be mad at Ashton for that.

 

“I-I did kiss him. But it was only once! I swear! Please don’t leave me Ash!” Luke begged. 

  
“Don’t call me Ash. In fact, don’t call me.” Ashton said bitterly, telling reporters that they could write that he was now single again. Questions flooded in asking if Ashton would go back to his playboy asshole ways, but the drummer waved them off and left Luke to be bombarded with the press where he sputtered out half answers with half a heart. He tried not to let it get to him because he knew Ashton didn’t willingly leave him, but the deed was done.

  
He and Ashton officially had broken up, much like his feelings.

 

-

 

The paparazzi eventually got what they wanted and fled, leaving a lost Luke in their wake. The blonde still hadn’t quite processed the fact that he and Ashton were broken up. Different scenarios ran through his mind about how the situation could have been different. Faking a relationship was out of the questions (ironic now) because if it got leaked, Ashton’s image would be ruined. Staying together would tarnish Ashton’s reputation right off the bat. The only other option was to out Harry for the life ruiner he was, but they couldn’t do that because of the world.

 

Luke groaned when realizing he’d have to find a place to stay. His room in Ashton’s place was out of the question as was all contact with the drummer. Back to the motel it was. Sure, he could stay in a hotel with all the money he’d made, but it just felt too soon to be diving into those savings.

 

For now, Luke just let his legs carry him somewhere that wasn’t covered in memories he wished to forget. Eventually, he ended up at some park. He remembered back when he and Ashton were meant to go on a picnic, but Luke’s cynicism had gotten in the way and they hadn’t gone. He remembered that after they’d gotten together, Ashton promised to bring him to this park one day because it was so fun.

 

Luke mindlessly sat himself down on a bench and swung his legs back and forth lightly. He felt a drop hit his nose and wrinkled it in surprise. Looking up, the blonde saw that it was starting to rain. He couldn’t bring himself to move and find shelter. He just wanted to stay in one place for a little bit longer. The rain soon began pouring harder, but Luke stubbornly remained. He wasn’t going to let some water dictate his decisions. He’d spent too long not doing what he wanted.

 

A few minutes later, the rain stopped-well it didn’t stop, but Luke stopped feeling it, which threw him off. He felt something hovering over him and looked up to see a black umbrella shrouded over his figure.

 

“You’re getting pretty soaked there mate.” The owner of the umbrella spoke, killing Luke’s hope that it was Ashton. But there was something about that voice. The deep, ruggedness of it and the British accent. That was…

 

“Zayn?!”

 

-

 

“Fucking hell. Harry, have you seen the TV?!” Niall shouts. Harry was curled up in on himself on his bunkbed, cutting himself off from the world. Yes, he had seen the TV and felt beyond guilty about what happened. It was clear that Ashton’s management put the couple up to it, breaking them up because of Harry.

 

“Harry, what have you done?!” Louis asks angrily. “I told you not to get involved with Luke from school and I was right! Now look how upset you’ve got!” He continues, glaring daggers at his ex-boyfriend.

  
“Sod off Louis! I already feel bad about it. It wasn’t Luke’s fault at all. it’s my fault for kissing him.” Harry fires back, murmuring the last part in shame. It was then that Liam came into the mix and sighed. 

  
“Look. You’re obviously really torn about this whole thing. I sat in the sidelines because I thought you’d handle it, but this has gotten too messy. You ruined this poor boy’s life one too many times. It’s clear that you won’t be alright until he is, so here’s what we’re going to do.” Liam lectures, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder. The curly haired boy popped his head up and looked awaiting for Liam’s next words.

  
“We’re going to schedule and interview and you’re going to explain your version of what happened. That you went to Luke and kissed him in surprise and he thought it was Ashton. That way, Luke and Ashton can still be together and your conscience will be clear.” Liam says sternly. Harry looked at Liam, processing the words. The plan wasn’t bad, but he feared what the others would think of him for it.

  
“You think that will work?” He asked Liam. He trusted the elder boy. He acted as an older brother of sorts for all of them. If Liam said it was a good idea, it probably was.

 

“100%.” Liam answers with a nod, trusting Harry to do the right thing.

  
“I’ll do it.” Harry agreed slowly. It made sense. He ruined Luke’s life. They were once best friends. This was the least Harry could do to make up for his past mistakes. Maybe Luke could learn to forgive him one day, or at least appreciate this.

  
“Like hell you’ll do that. We can’t risk the bad publicity.” Louis protests immediately. He appeared outraged that Liam suggested something so genuine. 

  
“Louis, this is about more than our band. We can’t just sit around and hold this lie in forever. You prevented Luke from having love once. How is that not enough for you?” Liam asks in a scolding tone. Harry seemed stunned at Liam’s words. He always seemed to know just what to say. 

  
“Who cares?! He’s one person in the world of millions! So he struck out. Do you lot really think he was going to marry Ashton?! Or Harry for that matter since we went back to that?” Louis asks sarcastically.

 

“You sicken me!” Harry shouted furiously at his ex. He couldn’t believe how hateful Louis was toward Luke. Did he feel that way about him back when they were kids? Harry almost didn’t want to know. 

  
“Not my issue. Niall, it’s up to your vote then. Do you want him to do this and ruin our band?” Louis asks, glancing over at the Irish lad who seemed at an impasse.

  
“I don’t want to get involved.” Niall insists, holding his hands up in surrender.

  
“You have to. You’re a part of our band.” Louis says stubbornly.

  
“Do what you feel is right Harry. Go with your gut feeling.” Niall shrugs, wincing when Louis looked ready to kill.

 

“I’ll do it then. I'm sure. Liam, schedule an interview for us. Tonight.”

 

-

 

Dude, quit moping already.” Michael groans, knocking on Ashton’s door. The drummer had locked himself inside which caused for concern form his bandmates. They hadn’t been able to coax him out yet.

  
“I’m tired. Let me sleep guys.” Ashton said irritably in response. Calum and Michael looked at each other before rolling their eyes. 

  
“Aren’t you being a little overdramatic?” Calum asks, knowing it might not have been the best thing to say.

 

“For not feeling well?” Ashton asks rhetorically through the door. The edge to his voice couldn’t go unnoticed if his bandmates tried.

  
“Ashton cut the bull shit. Gilroy told us what happened. Just talk about it. The longer you keep it in, the worse off you’ll be.” Michael says, pounding on Ashton’s door. The drummer could almost _feel_ the eye roll through the other end. Reluctantly, he got up from his bed and yanked the door open, hair disheveled as he glanced at his worried bandmates. 

  
“Alright. Luke left. It hurts. Happy? What more did you think was going to happen?” Ashton asks dryly with a shrug. Calum and Michael looked at each other before crossing their arms at Ashton.

  
“Being cynical about it isn’t going to help.” Calum says seriously. 

  
“And what is?” Ashton asks with irritation. He knew things were only going to get worse before they got better. The least his bandmates could do is give him some time alone.

 

“Spending time with your best mates. We’re here to cheer you up. You want to go out and maybe get a bite to eat?” Calum offers.

 

“And risk running into him or media for that matter? Pass.” Ashton grumbles. 

  
“Alright, I’ll order in a pizza and we’ll sit in the living room for some normalcy. Now get your ass on the couch so we can work this out.” Michael orders, taking Calum’s phone to do as such. Ashton dragged his feet over, knowing there was no way to get out of it.

 

 

-

 

“Hey Luke. It’s been a while.” Zayn says hesitantly, sitting down on the bench next to the blonde and holding the umbrella over them both. Luke was too frozen in shock to respond. Zayn? Here? Now? Why? What was happening?!

  
“I imagine you have a million questions mate.” Zayn starts, turning to face his old friend. “But as odd as this is going to sound, I’m here to apologize.”

 

…

 

“You’re not going to say anything I gather.” Zayn sighs, still holding the umbrella up. His brown eyes were calculating as he gaged Luke’s reaction. The blonde didn’t seem angry, but he wasn’t all that pleased either. He seemed mildly disturbed.

  
“Apologize for what?” Luke’s mouth moved before he could control them to say something on his own accord.

  
“For being a shitty person back in grade school. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was just a stupid kid is all I can say, not that I’m using it as an excuse.” Zayn explains, placing a hand on Luke’s shoulder while holding the umbrella with the other.

  
“How are-no. _Why_ are you here?” Luke asks, gesturing to their surroundings. He couldn’t bear to acknowledge Zayn’s apology any further.

  
“I’ve been keeping up with the news and you blew up in the media for dating Ashton Irwin. Throw in a Harry Styles scandal and well, you’re all anyone is talking about really. Your last known sighting was somewhere in this area. I knew I had to find you.” Zayn tells Luke, voice clipped with something Luke couldn’t decipher. The blonde felt his throat grow dry. He shrugged Zayn’s hand off of his shoulder and turned away. 

  
“Luke, just say the word and I’m gone. But I had to come. I had to say sorry. You were a ray of sunshine that everyone covered in rainclouds and you didn’t deserve any of it. I don’t even know what happened, but I just know you didn’t cheat on that Ashton guy. I just know that Harry had something to do with it.” Zayn explains to Harry with a hard look.

  
“Why now? Why so chummy with me? You were in a band with Harry after all. And last time I checked, you were happily engaged to Perry Edwards and you hated me.” Luke says with doubt all over his tone.

  
“Well I left that band for a reason. And as for Perry, well…my engagement has been called off.” Zayn admits softly. Luke’s eyes widen at that. 

  
“Oh I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Luke finds himself saying. To his surprise, Zayn laughed at that. 

  
“Same old Lukey. Apologizing even when you deserve all the apologies.” Zayn sighs. That was when Luke saw it was bitter laughter. Zayn really did feel bad about the past. He even found himself smiling a little at the old nickname.

  
  
“But it’s fine. She had a good reason for it and I can’t blame her.” Zayn sighs. 

  
“What happened?” Luke asks. 

  
“I was honest with her about who I was, and she didn’t like the way I treated you. I even told her I’d tried to change, but she said she couldn’t look past what I did. She said she might be able to if I found you and apologized, but I said there was no use because there was no way you’d ever forgive me. But here I am now, trying.” Zayn chuckles sadly. 

  
“So you’re saying sorry because you want Perry to forgive you.” Luke says dryly.

  
“What?! No. You got it all wrong Luke. I’m doing this for me. Perry and I are never happening. I just feel really bad. You’re a brilliant person and I was awful.” Zayn backtracks. 

  
“I don’t know why, but I believe you.” Luke says honestly. Months ago, he’d have ignored Zayn’s word and countered with dry platitudes, but now, Ashton’s words rang through his head about learning to be more trusting. Zayn did seem sincere. It couldn’t hurt to try and have a friend right now anyway.

 

“Well I’m glad. And for the record Lukey, I left the band because I couldn’t stand to be a part of something that ruined your ties to people you cared about anymore. Plus Louis got on my nerves with the things he’d say.” Zayn says. The blonde felt his heart soar at that. Zayn really did care and feel bad. 

  
“You really are sorry.” Luke breathes. 

  
“More than I can show. But, I was hoping we’d maybe be able to be friends? Not right now, but one day. When you’re ready.” Zayn offers nervously. Luke grinned genuinely and nodded slowly. 

  
“I think I’d like that, yeah.” He tells Zayn. They shook hands and Zayn offered to get him a cab and maybe meet up sometime. Maybe things didn’t have to feel so dramatic and lost. He hadn’t thought about Ashton once since Zayn walked back into his life, granted it had only been about thirty minutes.

 

Maybe things were starting to look up again.

 


	14. Chapter 14

_“C’mon Zayn. You’ve had nearly an hour. When is it going to be my turn?” Luke whined childishly as he pushed Zayn’s swing higher and higher as was the older boy’s request._

__  
“It’s only been seven minutes Lukey. Now come on. Higher already!” Zayn sang out, laughing when Luke pushed him with more vigor. Clearly the blonde was not pleased with this answer.  


__  
“Please Zayn? It’s been forever!” Luke insists, pushing harder and harder.  


__  
“Okay fine you baby.” Zayn says with no real heat. Luke beamed and watched in fascination as Zayn practically flew off the swing and landed on two feet with grace. The dark-haired boy then held out the swing for Luke to get on as promised when Luke’s dad called for them to run over and come on home.  


__  
“Aw no fair. I never got my turn.” Luke pouted, kicked at the rocks beneath their feet.  


__  
“Sorry Lukey. Next time. Promise you’ll get to go first.’ Zayn insists.  


__  
“Yeah.” Luke says halfheartedly, trudging along. Zayn sighed and grabbed Luke’s shoulder, pulling him back into a side hug.  


__  
“Hey don’t be frowney. I’ll make it up to you.” Zayn offers.  


__  
“Sure.” Luke grumbled childishly.  


_  
_he never did

-

**“It seems that Luke Hemmings is not fazed by Ashton Irwin’s public dumping of him seeing as the budding heartthrob been spotted on ex one direction member, Zayn Malik’s arm not more than hours later. Clearly this blonde has commitment issues and _loves_ to get around. I’m Nelly Sparks reporting for News News Now and we’ll be right back with more on this juicy story after these brief messages.” **The TV chimed brightly, scenes of Zayn holding an umbrella over Luke with one arm while wrapping himself warmly around the blonde with the other. Ashton watched angrily from the couch and frowned harder when the TV suddenly shut off.   
  
“I was watching that!” He exclaimed furiously, turning to a cross armed Calum clad in pajama bottoms and a night shirt. Why Zayn?! Luke hated that kid. Why was he with him?!   
  
“Well you shouldn’t be. Now get up. We have to record that song you clearly wrote about Luke, so go get ready.” Calum says, pulling the drummer up off the couch.

 

“Don’t tell me what I already know.” Ashton mumbled, staring at the TV with such intensity, Calum almost believed it could have turned on from the look alone. Once the bassist was sure Ashton started getting ready, he turned the TV back on and lowered the volume, curious himself to see what the media was saying about Luke. He missed the little blonde who wasn’t actually so little. He’d been fun to have around. Calum couldn’t remember the last time Michael had stepped foot into a kitchen, but Luke managed to make him have fun cooking. He may as well have been a miracle worker. He seemed to be that small something they were missing. He even managed to get Ashton out of his dry spell from writing songs.

 

 ** _“We have tracked Luke Hemmings and Zayn Malik down to a bar. Doing the deed can’t be far behind.”_** Nelly’s voice rang through the TV as she threw a wink at the camera. **_“We have sources that indicate Zayn buying Luke drinks. Perhaps this is how all men get Luke to be their conquests. Everyone knows that drunk consent is the easiest to get.”_** Nelly says with a mock appalled look. Calum felt sick as he shut off the TV once more. The world lacked decency. This Nelly bitch would be the same woman to be talking about how much of a problem rape was even though she was joking about it being okay right now. Shaking his head, he moved to go get ready himself.

 

-

 

“Zayn, are you sure that the best place to be going right now is a bar?” Luke asks unsurely, letting the tan skinned boy drag him along the slowly familiar-becoming streets.

  
“Drinking sorrows away always seems to work. At least for one night before letting reality sink in. Besides, I owe you one, remember?” Zayn said with a warm smile, leading Luke into the pub. The blonde couldn’t help but feel waves of nostalgia at Zayn’s words. He’d nearly forgotten how close he and Zayn once were. They may not have had very many memories, but the ones they did certainly stayed with Luke. Zayn sat him down on a stool, taking one right next to him and ordering beers.

 

“Here you are.” A gruff voice said, sliding the mugs over to them. Luke eyed the golden colored beverage and shrugged, deciding to go for it. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but maybe Zayn was onto something when he said to drink the sorrows away. He loved Ashton so much. Maybe drinking would help him forget about it, even if it was only for a moment.

 

“How’s that taste mate?” Zayn asks with a laugh when he sees Luke wincing at the burn of his drink. 

  
“Like I want to forget.” Luke shudders, recalling the red wine from his first date with Ashton. Well, first _fake_ date. The wine had been more delicious than Ashton’s attitude had been nasty. Ashton had come so far from when they first met. He was nice, kind, loving, a good kisser…

 

“That bad?” Zayn asks, breaking Luke’s thoughts. The blonde frowned. He came out to drink in order to _forget_ about Ashton, not think about him more. Zayn picked up on Luke’s mood and patted him on the back, ordering something stronger.

 

“I feel like shit you know. I always will.” Zayn says, watching Luke’s throat move fluidly to swallow the cool beverage.

  
“I know. It’s okay Zayn. We were k-kids.” Luke stutters, feeling the alcohol moving into his system slowly, but surely. It seemed to be working. His vision began to get a little foggy and his brain thought hard to cling onto one thing in focus. 

  
“Still. I wish I could make it up to you.” Zayn sighs, growing a little weary of Luke’s fast drinking, but drinking too much himself to stop the blonde.

  
“You can. Make the media shut down forever.” Luke laughed insanely, telling the bartender to stop the drinks, but deciding fuck it when Zayn said he should live a little. 

  
“I can’t do that. Sorry mate.” The tan boy said apologetically. He was now staring at Luke with an unreadable expression and the blonde quirked an eyebrow. 

  
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Luke jokes, but widened his eyes immensely when he saw Zayn scoot closer. Too close for comfort almost. The tan boy licked his lips and eyed Luke more purposefully. Luke’s breath hitched, nerves buzzing and mind haywire. 

  
“Let me.” Zayn whispered so softly, he may not have said it. Luke was frozen and he watched with wider than wide eyes as Zayn slowly leaned in closer and closer and-

 

-

 

Harry adjusted his mic a little nervously, glad Liam was going to sit with him for the interview. Louis had refused to show up and Niall stood backstage, encouraging smile on his lips. Liam had graciously agreed to be with him for emotional support because paps tended to love trump cards during interviews. He still remembered when an interviewer pulled out a picture of him and Louis kissing, not having expected it. Hopefully this one would be plain and simple.

 

“Hello all you lovely viewers out there! I’m Brandy Marx and you’re watching the Inside Scoop. Today I have here Harry Styles from the up and coming band One Direction! So great to have you today Harry, how are you doing?” The interviewer asked, bubbly as ever. Harry swallowed down his nerves as best he could before clearing his throat and going in.

 

“I’m doing just fine, how about you? I’m glad to be here.” He answered. 

  
“I’m just great as well. Now let’s get to the part all the viewers are dying for. Do you have a new man in your life? This blonde we saw you kissing near downtown last week seems to be getting a lot of buzz lately. Luke Hemmings was it?” Brandy asks, gossip dripping from her tone.

 

“Um, no I don’t have a new man. Actually, Luke is with Ashton Irwin, from Five Seconds of Summer. You’ve probably heard of them.” Harry says, slowly easing into the harder part of this interview. Brandy seemed to show signs of wanting to pry information out of Harry, but Liam discreetly placed a hand on his leg to show he had support. 

  
“Right, well then why were you engaged in a rather passionate kiss with him? I’m sure the viewers are eager to know. Did he just lean in and go for it?” Brandy spoke invasively.

 

“No he didn’t. I-I did. I’m the one who kissed him without even asking him if that was alright and I’ll regret it forever. I shouldn’t have done that, especially since he has a boyfriend.” Harry blurted, gulping harshly after. His eyes found Niall’s off camera and the blonde tried to give him a reassuring look.

  
“Really? But they’re broken up now. You must really like Luke if you kissed him, but the fact that you seem indifferent about their breakup makes me think maybe you’re just covering for him, no? Maybe he did cheat and you just want to protect your friend Ashton. It’s alright, you can tell us.” Brandy says with a fake smile.

 

“I just found out they broke up yesterday. And yes, I love Luke. Part of me always will, just as part of me will always regret what I’ve done to him. It’s my fault they’re not together. I’ll never be able to be sorry enough about that. But I’m here to put the rumors to an end! Luke isn’t a cheater. I’m just a bad person.” Harry says, looking down in shame. Liam then cleared his throat and decided to chime in. 

  
“What Harry means is that Luke isn’t a bad person. And Harry, you’re not either. You just made some bad choices. What matters now is that he is coming forward and accepting full responsibility for it.” The eldest says, noting how miserable Brandy looked.  
  
“So that’s all? No scandal? You’re not going to go after Luke now that he’s single?” Brandy asks, defeated.

 

“No. Luke and Ashton deserve to be happy together. I won’t come in the way of that again.” Harry makes clear.

  
“Well it seems that neither you or Ashton will get to be with Luke because there have been sightings of him at Club Sugar accompanied by your ex bandmate, Zayn Malik. What are your thoughts on that matter?” Brandy asks with a smirk. Harry all but panicked right as she said that, and Liam couldn’t find it in him to comfort Harry because he was just as shocked. Things were starting to come into light that shouldn't.

 

-

 

“STOP!” Luke shouted, pushing Zayn away so harshly, the poor boy went tumbling to the floor. The blonde went berserk, eyes set to stay wide and his breathing was heavy.

  
“You can’t just keep kissing me Harry! I have a boyfriend! And if you do this, we’ll have to break up!” Luke kept shouting, mind reeling. Zayn looked confused and was about to speak, but Luke was suddenly tugged away.  
  
“Luke, calm down. Look at me.” A familiar voice soothed. Luke glanced to the side to see Ashton holding him close. The feeling was warm and everything Luke wanted.

 

“You came.” Luke said in love. 

  
“You needed help. And you’re drunk, screaming nonsense. Come on.” Ashton spoke, leading Luke somewhere near the back of the bar, probably to a secret exit. 

  
“Where are we going Ash? Are you taking me back to your place?” Luke giggled drunkenly, hugging the curly haired boy closer. It made it more difficult to walk and Luke felt Ashton’s arms push him away ever so slightly to make it easier to run.

  
“Your arms are getting less muscular. Did you stop working out?” Luke asked, blinking like mad.   


“Er, shush Luke. We’re almost there.” Ashton said quietly. He noticed the touch did not feel as lingering as it normally did. Almost like Ashton was hesitant to do so. But why? Luke tried to blink back to reality, but it was proving to be difficult, especially after shots of alcohol.

 

The blonde watched as Ashton eventually led to them to his house and knocked on the door. Wait. Why did he knock on the door if it was his house?

  
“Ash, why’re you knocking. S’your house.” Luke slurred mindlessly, swaying here and there. Ashton steadied him the best he could just as the door swung open to reveal…another Ashton?!

 

“What the fuck are you doing here? With _him_?!” The Ashton at the door said angrily. That seemed more like his Ashton. That temper was unmatched.

  
“Ash? Wha? There’s two of you?!” Luke slurred harder, losing his mind. Door Ashton looked now confused along with his anger. The Ashton next to him started talking and Luke tried to follow as they bickered back and forth.

  
“I wouldn’t have brought him…unless….an emergency Ashton.”

 

“…Hell is wrong with him?!”

  
“Drank too much…thinks I’m you. Let him believe…enough to bring…here.”

  
“Why you of all people?!” Ashton at the door hissed, yanking Luke from other Ashton’s hold. 

  
“Ash, why’s there two’f you?” Luke asked, vision bleary.

 

“That’s Harry.” Ashton spat out, gesturing to the other curly haired boy. Luke squinted and realized that other Ashton was in fact, not Ashton.  

  
“Hmmmm I used to know a Harry.” Luke said after some thought. 

  
“Alright that’s enough out of you. Get inside and go wait in the kitchen. I need to have a chat with ‘other Ashton.’” Ashton commands, nudging Luke inside. The blonde pressed a sweet, slobbery kiss to real Ashton’s cheek and waddled his way awkwardly to where he figured the kitchen was. Ashton was frozen at the action for a second before clearing his throat when he remembered Harry was still there.

 

“What really happened then?” Ashton asks, literally having to restrain himself from beating the shit out of Harry here and now. Harry could tell as much and as such, looked extremely nervous. 

  
“I don’t know how you’re going to take it.” Harry admits, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

  
“What did you kiss him without consent again?!” Ashton screamed, looking feral. Harry immediately freaked out and denied it tenfold. 

  
“No no no no! I found him at Club Sugar, drunk off his ass.” Harry insists, waving his hands everywhere. 

  
“Okay calm down popstar. Explain.” Ashton said, clenching his eyes shut to calm himself down. 

  
“He was there with Zayn, downing shots. I came right then, and I saw Zayn leaning in to kiss him-but! They didn’t! Luke pushed him away!” Harry rambled out, fearing for his life when Ashton looked ready for murder. The drummer looked at a loss. 

  
“I…I can’t be angry if I wanted to be. We broke up. He can do whatever he wants. So even if he did kiss Za-

 

“But he didn’t.” Harry interrupted, looking determined. 

  
“That’s not the point. I shouldn’t even be seen with him right now let alone hide him out in my house.” Ashton sighs, rubbing his forehead when reality sunk in.

  
“Look. I made a mistake and I’m sorry. But you don’t have to suffer for something I did. The media knows what really happened now. I’m the bad guy. You can be with Luke, just like you want.” Harry explains, getting to the real reason he was there. Ashton looked at Harry like he was a new person.

  
“You…told the truth?” Ashton asks, verifying. 

  
“Yes. Everything. I’m only sorry I didn’t do it sooner.” Harry says sorrowfully.   


“Why would you do that?” Ashton asks, suspicious.

  
“Because…after what I’ve done…I’d do anything for Luke.” Harry admits with guilt and love. Ashton didn’t know how to feel about that just yet, so he simply nodded.

 

…

 

“I guess-um, I guess I’ll just be off then.” Harry said finally, the night air growing cooler with every second. Ashton didn’t reply at first, instead quietly watching Harry walk back sadly.

 

“Harry. Wait.” He called out, swallowing all of his pride and preparing himself for his next words. Harry halted and turned back questioningly. 

  
“Thank you. For bringing him home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all will be answered, so any confusion you feel, just wait and it'll all make sense. or it...should XD


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo this is it. the last chapter.

(what happened at the interview)

 

“I’m sorry we have to run this interview short. Thanks for having us.” Liam spoke quickly after catching sight of management. He grabbed Harry’s arm and led them both backstage where Niall was. 

  
“Where’s Louis?” Liam asked the blonde rapidly. 

  
“Here I am.” Louis spoke, appearing from behind them. He looked like he’d been running too.

  
“You came?” Harry asked in confusion. 

  
“I feel bad okay. Everything I’ve ever said about or to Luke was because I was jealous. But we don’t have time for that right now. If what that reporter said is true, then you need to get to that club _yesterday_.” Louis says, face withholding. 

  
“Wait a second. What am I missing here? Why is Luke in trouble?” Niall pipes up. The other three band members look at Niall in disbelief.

  
“It’s a little obvious, no?” Liam asks, having been the most out of the loop up until now.

  
“No, what?” Niall asks, shrugging. 

  
“I wasn’t _exactly_ lying when I said that stuff all those years ago about Luke and Zayn. I may have just switched the who liked who part.” Louis says what Liam and Harry already now.

  
“Oh what?! So Zayn likes Luke?” Niall asks, blue eyes wide. The other three nod in synchronization.

  
“Well then go Harry!” Niall pushes, gesturing to the door. Harry chances one last look to his friends before barraging out in the direction of Club Sugar to stop Luke from doing something he might regret later.

  
“You came.” Liam reiterates toward Louis once Harry’s gone.

 

“I…yeah.” Louis shrugs like it’s no big deal.

  
“You care about Luke? Or Harry?” Liam asks, crossing his arms skeptically.

  
“Both. I know I screwed up okay. But we seem to be in a limbo of forgiveness right now and the interviewer is still out there, so you think there’s time for one more confession/apology segment?” Louis asks wearily. Niall smiles at that and looked to Liam hopefully as though he’s watching pay per view.

 

“I think there is.” Liam says, sounding proud.

 

 

-

 

Luke woke up bleary eyed and disgruntled. The blonde blinked a bit to clear his vision and fought the memories that were just begging to rush into his mind from last night. He didn’t need them right now just as much as he didn’t _want_ them. It proved to be difficult when he realized he’d never checked into a hotel and his surroundings were familiar in a way that was somehow both painful and comforting at the same time. For some reason, it felt like he never left, granted it hadn’t been longer than a day.

 

“Oh, you’re up. How’re you feeling man?” Michael’s voice rang out. Luke popped his head up to see vibrant blue hair. Michael walked over to the bed and placed a bowl of something on the bedside table.

  
“Um, disoriented? What’s that?” Luke asked, gesturing with his head to the bowl. He then noticed that there was a bottle of medicine and a bottle of water sitting alongside whatever it was. 

  
“Soup. Thought you might like it. Cal’s idea actually.” Michael shrugged, sitting next to Luke on the bed. Luke looked at Michael in amusement. 

  
“You know how to make soup? Calum said you didn’t even know how to make lemonade.” The blonde laughed softly, scared if he laughed any harder, his headache would pound him into next week. Michael chuckled and nudged him playfully.

  
“It’s from a can, don’t judge. But it’s a gourmet can if that helps. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re back.” Michael admits.

 

“Well, if I’m being honest, I always got the vibe that you didn’t really like me.” Luke says with mild embarrassment.

  
“That’s probably because I didn’t. But only because Ash didn’t. I had to stick by him, you know? But dude, that changed fast. You’re kind of something crazy. I can’t remember the last time Cal and I did something together that wasn’t band related or eating out before you came and taught us how to cook. And it just kind of felt like we were back in high school. You have this thing about you. You make people remember the good times somehow.” Michael shrugs, looking into his eyes. Luke drank in the words and felt flattered. He didn’t think he was that great, but if Michael was saying so-someone that didn’t even like him at first-it must be somewhat true. He wasn’t sure what to reply with.

  
“Er, thanks. That means a lot Michael. I’m just sorry you guys had to get involved in my stupid childhood drama.” Luke sighed, facing what happened last night. How had things gotten so screwy? There was too much happening too fast as always when his past was involved.

 

“Hey. That loyalty thing goes both ways. The way I stuck by Ashton when I first met you? That’s how I’m with you now. Your problems are our problems. Cal and Ash are on the same page.” Michael says seriously. Luke felt something stir in his chest that he hadn’t felt in a long time. A sense of belonging. A sense of…family.

 

“I hope one day I get there with you guys too.” Luke whispers with sheer honesty.

  
“Hey man, you will. It just takes time. Trust me, you’re talking to a fellow reject here. I know what it’s like.” Michael laughs, patting him on the shoulder and then getting up off the bed. “Drink that soup while it’s still hot or I’ll have to reheat it. We both know you don’t want me spending more unsupervised time in the kitchen than I already have.” The boy jokes before pointing to the bedside table and taking his leave. Luke eyes the bowl wearily. The soup looked edible enough. Before he could dive into it, he downed some water and a couple of pain meds to cure his throbbing thoughts. Last night came back instantaneously. How could Zayn try to kiss him like that? First Ashton, then Harry, now Zayn? What next, did Louis love him too? The world was playing some sick joke and he didn’t appreciate it.

 

After the medicine and soup, Luke felt more refreshed and went to the bathroom to wash his face and most of the regret from yesterday. When he emerged from the bathroom, his eyes found Calum walking across the hall.

  
“Hey.” He called out, waving sheepishly when the tan boy met his gaze. Smiling, Calum walked over to him and reached for his shoulder. 

  
“How do you feel champ?” Calum asks, knowing smile on his face.

  
“Like I don’t want to feel.” Luke answers with a hint of humor. Calum scoffed and shook his head jokingly. 

  
“Well you gave Ashton a mini heart attack. He’s been right worried since you showed up last night.”   
  
“Um, speaking of, where is he?” Luke asked nervously. He remembered how he’d mistaken Harry for Ashton and how confusing it all was. All he wanted now was a warm hug by the boy he’d grown strong feelings for. That, and to just see him. They had a lot to talk about. To his confusion though, Calum looked uncomfortable with the question and tugged at his collar, seeming to think of an excuse.

  
“Is he not home?” Luke tried, hoping maybe Calum just didn’t know where he was if anything.

  
“Look. I know you want to see him and truth be told, I kind of want you to see him too, but…he’s pretty shaken up right now. He wants to talk to you. He’s just not ready right now.” Calum reveals, frowning. Luke’s heart hammered painfully. Ashton wasn’t ready? Why not?

  
“What’s happened?” Luke asks, growing worried.

  
“Dude, It’s not my place to say. You’ll just have to wait. You can totally stay here though. Just wait until he comes to you.” Calum explains. Luke eyed his feet and shook his head.

  
“Um, no. That’s fine. I have to go talk to someone anyway.” Luke says, moving to go back to his room. Calum yanked on his shirt and sighed.

  
“Don’t be droopy man, okay? Your sad face makes everyone sad. Just give him a little time. Seeing you so soon after everything went down just got to him.” Calum soothes, shooting him a concerned look. Luke forced a smile and nodded.

  
“Got it. But I really do have to do something. I’ll be back soon.” Luke insists, relieved when Calum nodded and let him go.

 

…

 

“How is he?” Ashton asks the second Michael walks into his room.

  
“Typical hangover man. He’s got a massive headache and doesn’t want to think about a better part of last night.” Michael answers. “Are you going to go talk to him?” he then asks.

  
“I don’t know Mikey. I mean, what if he doesn’t even want to get back together? What if that trial run was enough for him? What if he realizes he could have someone else? I mean, everyone seems to be in love with him.” Ashton rambles in frustration and mild jealousy. 

  
“Okay, but he obviously chose you. He told those other guys not to kiss him. He’s never stopped you.” Michael points out. Ashton thought back to how that wasn’t true. His and Luke’s first kiss was nothing short of hot and complicated. It was going so well, but Luke did stop it. Granted, that was before they were friends even. After that, Luke _was_ more willing. Michael had a point, but Ashton couldn’t help but let his guard up after all they’d been through.

 

“What if his mind’s changed?” Ashton asked, voicing his biggest fear.

  
“It hasn’t. trust me.” Michael insists. “You just need to talk to him.”

 

“What would I even say?”

  
“How about what you feel? Try starting with that. Idiot.” Michael mutters, snickering when Ashton looked pissed.

  
“Fine. Fine I will. Where is he?” Ashton sighed, getting up.

  
“He just left.” Calum chimes in, peeking through the door.

  
“Where?” Ashton asks with furrowed eyebrows.   
  
“He didn’t say. He just said he had to talk to someone.” Calum shrugs, walking into the room and standing next to Michael.

 

“Who could he want to talk to right now? Harry and Zayn don’t exactly seem like ideal candidates.” Michael says flatly. The three hummed in thought, not knowing who Luke could have chosen to confide in other than them. suddenly Ashton lit up with the answer.

  
“I know where he went.”

 

“Where?” Michael and Calum ask.

 

“I gotta go. Talk to you guys later. Thanks.” Ashton rushes out, barreling out the door and over to who knows where.

 

“It was your idea to let him into the band.” Calum accuses.

  
“You’re the one who cried about us needing a drummer.” Michael retaliates, shoving the kiwi and then racing off to hide.

 

-

 

“And I just don’t know why. Why does everyone seem to want to just mess with me? They can’t all three really be in love with me, can they?” Luke asked, cradling his knees to his chest. Soft tears were gently flowing down his face in a steady stream. His eyes were a bit sore, but mostly from being hungover than crying.

  
“I thought I’d find you here.” Ashton’s voice rang out. He then plopped down next to Luke and nudged him softly. The blonde’s eyes widened, his crying stopping from shock. The sign for the cemetery hung sullenly a ways away.

  
“Why-how-what?” Luke asked, wiping at his eyes. Sure, he’d been vulnerable around Ashton before, but it was still a vaguely new concept to him.

  
“Who else would you come to for advice?” Ashton shrugged with a knowing expression, gesturing to the headstone that read ‘Robert Hemmings. A loving father.’ Luke only seemed caught of sorts.  
  
“Is this…okay? I can leave.” Ashton offers, suddenly realizing just what he was doing and who Luke was seeking comfort from. Luke seemed like he was going to agree with that for a brief second, but something inside him halted the words.

  
“N-no. You can stay.” He finally says, voice quiet. “Dad, this is Ash. The first guy I told you about.” Luke says, facing the headstone. Ashton seemed amazed that Luke felt he was important enough to mention to his dad. “He’s been nice to me…recently.” Luke adds with a hint of a smirk on his lips.

  
“Is that a wise comment? You being a smart ass now?” Ashton teases, laughing along with the blonde that clung to his heart strings.

 

“He’s really hot too.” Luke blurts shamelessly, smiling wide when Ashton seems flustered by that.   


“Oh come on Ash. You had to know I thought that by now.” The blonde chuckles, lacing their hands together slowly, giving the drummer an opportunity to pull away if he wished to.

  
“It still doesn’t mean I’ll get used to hearing it.” Ashton defends, tightening his grip on Luke’s slender hand. It felt warm, familiar, and just right. Now he knew what those moments entailed. The one’s with happy music, bright vibes, and loving glances.

 

“Sir, I’m very much in love with your son. And while I wasn’t the proper gentleman in the beginning, I can safely say that I would do anything for him. that’s all I can do to make it up to him. You’re really lucky to have had him in your life.” Ashton says, pure honesty radiating his words. Luke seemed touched by this. Almost like there was a speck of doubt he had due to past events, but Ashton’s words erased it instantly. 

  
“Thanks Ash.” Luke says, leaning into the older boy. Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke and adjusted them to Luke was fit in front of him, between his legs and his head was on his chest.

  
“I could get used to this.” Luke admits, looking up at Ashton so his hot breath met Ashton’s neck. The drummer shuddered in the slightest and Luke beamed, slowly but surely pressing their lips together in the softest kiss Ashton felt like he would ever experience. It lasted a few seconds, and when they parted, Luke’s eyes were still closed as he buried his head into Ashton’s chest. The drummer tried to un-phase himself, but that kiss left him a melted pool of mushy. He tried to hold it down and wrapped his arms around the blonde, encasing him in warmth and love.

  
“Me too. I love you so much Luke. God, you deserve the world.” Ashton said, voice hardening in the end with how angry he was about everything Luke had gone through.

  
“Don’t be mad Ash. I can feel your anger from here.” Luke says lightly, hoping to calm him. Ashton tries, but unless he could find a way to redo the past and make it so he himself had treated Luke right, he might never fail to be angry.

  
“I know you feel bad, but I forgave you. I promise.” Luke says, pressing loving kisses on Ashton’s neck through every word. Ashton laughed at the tickling vibrations and pulled Luke back a bit so he could press a kiss right on the blonde’s lips. Luke reacted immediately and used so much force, Ashton went down, but pulled Luke with him. They laughed as they rolled around the floor like small children and eventually flipped back to where Luke was on top of Ashton and they kissed again, smiling so wide, it wasn’t really as much of a kiss as it was a moment not to be forgotten.

 

“You make me love you more with everything you do.” Ashton pants out between hungry kisses.

  
“Shut up and kiss me.” Luke replies as the kiss grows deeper. Luke’s hands when under Ashton’s shirt and roamed all over in a fashion matching Ashton’s tongue exploring Luke’s mouth like they might not get another chance to. They both quickly develop hard-ons in their jeans with every progressive minute when they realize where they are and what was happening. Pulling apart, they look reluctant, but Ashton moves his hands from Luke’s back jean pockets and lets him sit up.

 

“We shouldn’t exactly-

 

“Do this where-

 

“My father’s grave is.” Luke finishes, trying to lessen the redness in his cheeks from how Ashton’s skin had felt. If that was how he reacted when just his hands met Ashton’s skin, he couldn’t begin to imagine how having their naked flesh pressed together would feel. Just the thought gave him goosebumps.

 

“You look fucked.” Ashton snickers, belting into full laughter when Luke looked embarrassed and shoved Ashton as hard as he could, making the drummer fall to his side for a moment.

  
“We should talk.” Luke says after a moment. 

  
“Do we have to? I mean, we can just take it one day at a time. We both know how we feel about each other. Why complicate it by talking?” Ashton tries.

 

“Because talking is reality, and I’ve spent too much time living in my past. I want to do this the way I haven’t done _anything_ in the past; right.” Luke explains, facing Ashton and hoping he’d understand. The drummer did.

  
“I get it. Okay, well I want this.” Ashton starts, taking Luke’s hand again and gesturing to the two of them. “I want you. And I don’t care who knows. If you want to be public, that’s fine. If you want us to be in a bubble and let people discover on their own time, I’m fine with that too.” Ashton conveys, smiling. Luke seemed happy with that because he gave Ashton’s hand a squeeze.

  
“I feel the same way. And I thought since you know the media scene more than I do, it should be up to you. However you want to do it, we will. I just want to be with you too.” Luke says. Ashton grins at that and it’s decided. They’re a couple and whoever wants to know, will.

 

-

 

(weeks later)

 

“No not like that, put the wooden board on top of the bucket!” Luke instructs Michael who glares when Calum laughs. 

  
“How about we put it here!” Michael cried out, whacking Calum on the bum when the poor boy wasn’t looking. 

  
“You’ll pay for that Michael Clifford!” Calum promised, chasing after Michael with a wrench. Ashton watched from his bike in amusement. Luke grinned at the display despite their ramp being delayed. Ashton had been patiently waiting to test it out, but Calum and Michael clearly had other plans. Luke remembered when something similar had happened a long time ago with Harry and Louis in their childhood, but pushed the flashback away, content with the present. The past could stay where it was. He didn’t need its comfort any longer. He had new people to make memories with.

  
“Remembering something?” Ashton asked Luke who appeared lost in thought as per usual. The drummer got accustomed to Luke spacing out often, recalling childhood memories and how they related to current situations. 

  
“Yeah, but not anymore.” Luke smiles.

  
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to break you out of it.” Ashton apologizes. Luke shakes his head and side smiles at his boyfriend-yes, he’s glad he gets to say that now.

  
“You didn’t. I stopped myself.” Luke tells him.

  
“But I thought you liked memories. That they reminded you of the good times.” Ashton half questions, leaning on his bike. Luke thought about how if this were months ago, he’d have agreed with that in a heartbeat. But things had changed long since then.

 

“I do like memories. But I need to focus on making new ones, not dwelling on past ones. Those people aren’t who I care about anymore. You guys are my family and I’m working hard to make sure we have moments to live in. Moments to get lost in. Moments we’ll share with future generations of people we care about.” Luke rambles, feeling heat in his cheeks with the way Ashton was staring at him.

  
“Luke honey, that was so cheesy, but so you. God I love you.” He says, pulling the blonde in by his waist and engaging in making out with him now that he could whenever he wanted to.

 

“I love you more.” Luke challenged. Ashton just shook his head and kissed him harder, relishing in the noises Luke let out. 

  
“Cool it with the PDA will ya? We finished the ramp ages ago!” Michael calls, causing the couple to pull away from each other. A thin strand of saliva was shown in the process and Luke grimaced. 

  
“That’s gross Ash.” He comments. 

  
“Half of it is yours drooly.” Ashton retorts, getting settled on his bike once more. 

  
“Ready Ash.” Calum calls, waving.

  
“You sure this thing will work, right?” Ashton asks Luke with trust. 

  
“Well, that’s why you’re testing it. You’re the biggest and the least likely to get hurt.” Luke laughs sheepishly, grinning wide when Ashton shot him a mock glare.

  
“If I get injured, you’re kissing _every_ afflicted area thoroughly.” Ashton warns. Luke smirks and shrugs. “Try to get injured somewhere nice then.” He winks, laughing when Ashton’s cheeks grow a rosy pink. He shakes it off and pedals off toward the makeshift ramp, feeling proud that the four of them managed to build something so sorry looking, but fulfilling. As Ashton pedaled, he thought about how the way his heart raced now, somewhat matched the way it did whenever he was with Luke. No feeling could come close enough to how he felt with Luke, but this one tried.

 

A few seconds later, Ashton was on the ramp and it held together as he flew off of, feeling free in the air, smiling blissfully as he hovered in the air for a few moments. 

  
“It worked!”

  
“Not bad Luke!”

  
“You’re flying Ash!”

 

Ashton felt free. This moment right here. His friends, his boyfriend, his memories. They all came down to one thing. Fucking love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp. that's all folks. lemme know what yall thought of that exciting conclusion XD. hope it satisfied enough. :) leave a comment if you'd like. let me know how it was!


End file.
